End of the School Year and Vacations
So it is coming close to the end of the school year and my step child has projects due, the school gave plenty of notice to the children to do the projects and get them turned in on time. so what does my stepchild do wait to the last minute of course, not to mention that my stepchild was at the BM's house for part of this time and my stepchild played most of the time, therefore not working on the projects, BM said that she called the teacher and it was the teachers fault that the projects were late and of course the stepchilds story jives with the BM's, but why is it when I call the school the teacher never talked to BM. I will tell you why because the BM is a compulsive liar! and my stepchild is just learning from her, I have of course talked to DH about stepchilds school issues because this has not been the first occurance I know stepchild does it for attention, but this has to stop neither one of the Bioparents finished school and I swear I am the only one who cares. This sucks!
Vacation a whole new issue, it never works always gets screwed up and I swear BM does not know how to count for some reason the way she counts the vacation days she always seems to make it so she has more vacation days, and we have to explain it to her all the time. must be part of the schooling she missed out on. 
lol
I completely understand what
I completely understand what you are going though. I am in the same situation, except that my step-son just got expelled from school b/c BM feels like this is a joke. So you are not alone. Let me know how everything works out.
wow....
That sounds very familiar, only I am the BM on this one.... My son's dad and I also didn't finish school, yet we both earn more $$ than his wife (SM)... the really funny part is that although SM spent 9 years in college to obtain her Bachelors Degree....(a four year degree) where is she now?? An employee at Walgreens!
Anyway, my son's dad and I share joint custody of our son and we literally have to sneak around to communicate because he has to make sure that SM believes she is in control.... it is really sad, we have set up specific times of the day that I can call him.... he sneaks out to meet me (most recently to go over medical bills).... He has even asked me to get into a fake fight via e-mail so that SM wouldn't think we were getting along! It is all really sad.
What I don't get is what her deal is... I had my son when I was very young and his dad and I were only together for 9 months... SM met him while I was pregnant and they have been together ever since. Yet, she still thinks we are going to get back together? There is no amount of money... absoulutely NOTHING could ever make me ever consider for one moment getting together with him! As I said earlier, I was VERY young when I had my son with him... too young to know what a 'real' man is... too young to know what I wanted and deserved.
I am happily married now and I have two stepkids and I have to admit that I have many issues with DH's ex.... in addition, when they are getting along (which is rare) I have to wonder why.... is she trying to pull something? Is she trying to trick him into something? Is she lying about me again? I think all of those things too yet I am secure enough in myself and my relationship to not let it get to me to the point that DH feels that he has to sneak around behind my back....
Are you sure that you got the whole 'story' with the schooling? Maybe you spoke to the teacher after BM did? Its funny because my son's SM said the same thing recently... however I called and spoke with my son's teacher literally right after SM spoke to her. Maybe instead of calling BM a liar, you could call the teacher and ask if she ever spoke to BM?
Are you sure?
Hi choco. What a position to be in - you're living both sides of the story!
I just noticed one thing and I'm notoriously cynical so throw this to the wind if you want... You said "I think all of those things too yet I am secure enough in myself and my relationship to not let it get to me to the point that DH feels that he has to sneak around behind my back...." Are you sure? Your ExH's wife might think the same thing. Hm.
I guess what I'm saying is, don't encourage another woman's husband to sneak around behind her back, whatever the reason. You wouldn't like it and I'm sure she would feel incredibly violated if she knew - even if the insecurity is totally her problem. It's kind of emotional infidelity on his part.
Spoken as one whose husband used to sneak off to call BM - until "one" looked at his cell phone records...
Blueberry's Baby
I totally know what you are saying....
and I don't agree with his sneaking around.... In the past I have even told SM about it... but he denied it and said that I was lying... she believed him.... and then she hated me even more for "lying" to her and "trying to cause problems". As a result of the lack of communication we were in and out of court for 6+ years, we took one another to court at LEAST once a month for petty, stupid stuff because he would not talk to me because I told SM about it (I didn't want to sneak around, I don't think it fair to anyone).
Finally, we decided we had enough and found that the only way we can communicate peacefully is without her knowing. Unfortunately, if SM is not living in constant drama and conflict or feels that she is not in complete control of every situation she will go insane, (and he does have to live with her).
I too have thought about IF my DH were to lie to me.... DH and my son's dad get along great; often DH will speak with son's dad and then DH will talk to me because he speaks my language. DH says he can understand why son's dad sneaks around... That is why I try SOOOO hard not to push DH too far.... I still drill him (a tad bit) but there is a point where I back off because I don't want that to happen to us.... I respect what you said blueberry... and I agree that this situation is completely unfortunate... nonetheless we do what we gotta do!
You're open-minded yet careful - great qualities
Thanks for taking my comments at face value, Choco. I read your post on counseling for your BS and I can understand why people are on eggshells around the psycho-SM. Unreal. Just watch out - holy hell, if she ever finds out... Best of luck to you - sounds like your ExH has some tough decisions to make too!
BTW - good for your DH that he sometimes translates from "Ex-H" (or guy-ese) to "Choco." I often think that I could translate from psycho-BM to DH if she could cool her jets long enough to talk to me civilly. He misunderstands what she's getting at 90% of the time - my God, don't tell me I'm developing some empathy for HER! LOL
Sleep tight.
Blue
Blueberry's Baby
Chocoholic sorry for your issues
That is why I posted this I felt that many people could relate since it is so close to the end of the school year and vacations are being plannned, anyways I am glad you were able to relate along with the other few. It is nice to know that other people out there share my pain however it sounds like your issues are a little more indepth, I do not really know if your were trying to offer advice or just vent however good luck to you with you and your issues.