i have read a few of the posts that seem related to what i'm going through, but i can't find any that are specific to my situation... so i'll post some thoughts.. as the title says, i am on the edge of telling my wife i just want out.. oh and i'm not sure what all the acronyms mean.

i am 33, with 2 biological sons. 6 and 7. i was married to their mom, and we divorced about 5 years ago. the oldest lives with me, the youngest lives with her.

i remarried a little over a year ago... my wife has a 9 year old son to a previous relationship, and an 11 year old daughter to a fling before that.

my step son is borderline. he listens when i ask him to do something and he doesn't backtalk me or get an attitude. however, when he has his mom somewhere where he thinks i won't be able to hear, so backtalks her and gives her a very hard time. at this point, she is doing half of the 4th grade homework he brings home because he whines about having to do homework. it doesn't matter what she makes for dinner, he refuses to eat and demands she make him something else. he also has anger issues which are becoming a concern. a week ago he threw a closed pocket knife at his sister, which half opened from the force of the throw and narrowly missed her. he has choked his sister, and hit my 7 year old on multiple occasions. to be fair, my 7 year old isn't trying to escape the situation, and might even be egging it on or have started the disagreement. these incidents pale in comparison to the daily verbal abuse he directs are all members of the house, save me. i am pretty sure he actually feels fear when i get angry, which i'll get into in a minute.

sadly, he is not the reason why i'm still awake at 4am, posting on a discussion board. my step-daughter is. to vent briefly, she is a dishonest, deceitful, disrespectful, vindictive, violent, smart mouthed punk. she has admitted, while laughing, that sometimes she argues with me just to see me get mad.

i'm normally a very laid back guy. i have a thick skin and a deep well of patience. i rarely raise my voice, and when i do there is a good reason behind it. however, don't get the impression i'm a pushover at all. i just don't feel i need to raise my voice to be heard, and being 6'1, 205 with a goatee and shaved head with some sizable scars, i usually don't have to voice my displeasure for it to be known.

lately, i don't like the person i have become. i am quick to anger and quick to enforce my anger with a raised voice or a menacing stare. i find very little humor in the things the kids do trying to be funny, where i have always been delighted to watch kids enjoy themselves. i have been boiling inside so fiercly that every vein close to the surface of my skin was standing out boldly. i have trembled with rage. i've went out to my detatched garage and kicked things and thrown stuff.

the worst thing i've done is taken it out on my son. i've chastised him for minor things because i've spent all day reprimanding the 2 skids. i have snapped at him for asking me a question he's already asked me. and it breaks my heart to see his face, that face that looks at me like i rule the world, break down into sadness as he slowly turns to walk away. it has hurt me so badly that at times i have immediately called him back to hold him and tell him he didn't deserve to be yelled at. i hate myself for that.

our families didn't live together until 6 months before we married. major mistake #1 IMO. seemingly from the start, i was constantly talking to my wife about their dicipline. my wife and i get along great. we never argue, and i think that's as much of a problem as it is a blessing. she cooks, cleans and works. she gets the kids up for school in the morning and packs their lunches. as far as in laws, i couldn't ask for better. i get along great with her brothers and her sister and both of her parents.

but she is my enemy when it comes to dicipline. they expect that when i am not there to enforce dicipline, it won't be enforced. and, while i'm obviously not here when i'm not here, i know it's not being enforced. for instance, my step-son was grounded for 2 months for breaking the window in my truck with his slingshot. his mom ungrounded him after a week and half, without consulting me. i just came home and he was playing xbox. i asked him wht he thought he was doing, and he said "my mom ungrounded me". in an attempt to establish authority in her mother-daughter relationship, she grounded my step daughter for a month. it lasted 4 days, and again was without consulting me and me finding out the same way.

i just can't take it any more. i am having trouble sleeping, i am in a great mood all day until i come home. i am seldom in the door 2 minutes before one or the other has soured my mood in one way or another. i feel like talking to my wife is a waste of my time, because she can't seem to stand up to them. i would hate to walk away from this woman, but i can't do this to myself anymore. my son deserves a better father than this.

so, is it worth divorce? because i'm to the point where i don't even want to try counseling.. i just want out..

but how do you tell your wife that you're divorcing her because of her daughter, and not make her resent her daughter for it?