Having a kid when you are "unhappy in many other ways" is going to be rough and I wouldn't suggest it. In general, whether there are skids involved or not, no relationship will ever get better between two people by adding a child to it.

My DH was with BM for 6 years, they weren't happy together, taking a break here or there, and then they decided to have a baby because they thought that was the next step in their relationship to get them out of the rut they were in WRONG! Having a baby together just made them realize that they don't have the same idea for the future, they don't parent the same way, they have different expectations in their significant other and their relationship was more volatile than before. He loves his son, but dealing with BM now as a co-parent, he kicks himself in the butt for expecting her to change into something she's not just because she had a kid. The signs were there for him and now he has to deal with crazy pants for the next 15 years; it sounds like your warning signs are there as well. No Baby until you can all get on the same page and be generally happy.

1) does having a kid together make her feelings towards my kids worse or better assuming that she has the role of mother for the first time.

Depends on how your kids treat her, if they treat her like crap then yes it will make it worse.

2) I feel we are both happy with each other bu unhappy in many other ways. For those in a similar situation that actually split, were things better for u being single or?

THis i cant answer.

instead of thinking about how it would be with a baby why dont you take a good hard look at why your wife is disengaged in the first place and what YOU can do to fix that.there your kids and its your problem. Once that is changed she and you may be happier then a better time to bring a baby in the mix.

Bringing a child into a strained relationship never makes it better for more than a very short time. I don't recommend it. The saving grace to my first marriage is that my cavern crotched skank whore of an XW and I did not spawn. That let me get out with no life long baggage.

Had my XW and I had a child I would have spent far more than the 2.5 years we were married with her and I would have had to see my children influenced by a morally and character bankrupt adulterous mother. I avoided that life long hell and the heartbreaking result of my children in any way turning out like my XW.

So, my answer to Q #1) does having a kid together make her feelings towards my kids worse or better assuming that she has the role of mother for the first time. - is. If she wants nothing to do with your children having a child of her own most likely will not change that in any positive way. It may not be impossible but I would say it is so unlikely as to not be worth considering.

Q#2) I feel we are both happy with each other bu unhappy in many other ways. For those in a similar situation that actually split, were things better for u being single or? - Generally I would say any relationship is either happy or it is not. Sure, we all have some things in our marriages that are irritating, however, if unhappy is anywhere in the equation I would classify the relationship as strained and not one I would willingly introduce a baby into.

My XW and had no children but my life instantly got better when she ran off with her geriatric Fortune 500 executive sugar/baby daddy. I owe him an eternal debt of gratitude for taking that whore off of my hands. She had 2 out of wedlock spawn with him before he married her and when she and her family were involved in a federal embezzlement investigation and a subsequent multi $million settlement with my XMILs employer he dumped her ass. Interestingly she was pregnant with out of wedlock spawn #3 by her boyfriend and eventuall husband #3 at the time.

All else aside I would say don't ahve a kid with this woman and yes, you would be much happier single than trying to make a life with and raise another with a woman who detests your existing children.

IMHO of course.

Dupe.

Let me add another spin on this rollercoaster. I had 2 kids when I met dh, he has 2 SDs. At first I kind of liked them, 4 years ago. I did things with them, I tried to teach them, but DH resisted.

As our dating, turned to marriage, BM set the SDs head on fire so to speak. They don't do anything negative in front of DH. They give their glares and talk where he isn't listening. We decided to have a child, to bridge the Mine and Yours, IT WAS STUPID TO THINK THAT WOULD WORK. It DID NOT.

I love my daughter with DH but now I have 3 kids, he has 2 kids and we have our little family of him, me and our daughter. His KIDS DO NOT I repeat DO NOT ACKNOWLEDGE our DD18months unless DH is watching.

So the fact she isn't already a mother has nothing to do with it. I have come to feel worse about my SDs because of their behavior to not only ME, MY KIDS but now THEIR STEP SISTER. So you need to figure out what you want. If it's SM to be MOMMY to your kids, let her go. I think disengagement is great. You are DAD and they are VISITING YOU. SM isn't asking for you to not visit with them and she isn't hindering anything. So if you want the BRADY BUNCH, I think you better call MRS BRADY.

For me, having a child made this worse. I love my BS3 and have no regrets having him whatsoever but my relationship is very rocky right now. Prior to his birth, SO and I were very happy, we rarely argued and when we did it was productive to make our relationship stronger. And even though SS7, the Precious Little Princess, was a spoiled disrespectful brat, I let it go, I easily ignored it since it didn't directly affect me.

I've always been disengaged from SS7, since the very beginning. When I started dating my SO when SS was about 1 & 1/2 or 2yrs. He was always spoiled and coddled, always only wanted daddy, my SO was all too happy to treat him like a baby and do everything for him, even until now, and I mean EVERYTHING (SS would whine "I'm coooooold" and here comes daddy to the rescue with a blankie). So I never really needed to be, nor was expected to, engage with SS. Which was fine, I would've preferred to have some type of involvement though cuz then SS would have been taught to trust, obey, and respect me...

Long story short, we had a child together, SS7 is still spoiled like a helpless infant, SO always excuses his bad behavior (he didn't know, he's just a kid, it's cuz his BM lets him get away with it...blah blah blah). But BS3 is occasionally corrected, scolded, ignored, even told "you know how to do it yourself"...and I say occasionally because SO doesn't discipline BS3 when SS7 is around, I think because he's trying not to be too obvious.

So anyhoo, long story not short anymore, the double standard treatment is what causes the strife. Big time. My kids are everything...of course to a degree cuz I don't want them growing up to be entitled assholes...but they deserve understanding and respect, to be treated equally, and for our home to be the most accepting and loving place to be, because they learn by example right?

And just to be clear, though I despise and resent SS 100%, I still care for him and treat him the way I expect to be treated I'm hoping he will eventually learn. But its my relationship with my SO that is really getting bad, he's the adult and he should know that treating 2 biological kids completely different is wrong.

Oh and BTW to answer question #2 -

If I'd known everything I know now....
SINGLE!!!!