Different standards
Forums:
I have three children 15, 18 and 20. I have been remarried for three years and have two stepchildren 22 and 24. My DH treats my kids differently than his even at the basic level. He has been so hard on my kids that my two oldest have moved out because they do not wanna deal with it. Does anyone else have experiences with this?
I don't agree that 18-20yr
I don't agree that 18-20yr olds are adults. The 18 might not have even graduated yet and if the other is in college, there is still a need for help.
However by 22 and 24- yes- those are 100% adults.
I don't tolerate double standards in my house and neither does DH. I would call him out REAL fast with little comments like that. I am not one to believe that kids should rule your life but if your DH was so rude to your kids that they actually left and don't live in your home, that seems pretty extreme to me. Why would you let someone make your kids feel like crap?
I do call him out. Usually
I do call him out. Usually ends in an argument.
my oldest 2 are figuring out life and I'm proud of them for that. I guess if I think about it- I'm just angry. I resent that his kids come around and mine don't. He has his world in tact and mine is shattered- but my oldest are old enough to move on.
I mean... your oldest are old
I mean... your oldest are old enough to be moved out... but to never come over because he is a jerk? And where does that leave your youngest...having to live with a jerk! And she will be out and never come over as soon as she can.
I would not share a life with a man that was a jerk to my kids for no reason.
If I had a H that treats my
If I had a H that treats my kids so unfairly that it pushed them to leave.....I would divorce his @ss! That double standard nonsense would not be tolerated and trust & believe his kids would get a dose of that bullshit he pulls on your kids. I would not be able to respect and continue in a marriage with a man that shows this level of disrespect for mine.
His @ss would have to go!
A step parent will never love
A step parent will never love the other kids the same way he/she loves their own. However, they sure as heck can try and definately not be disrespectful to them. Sounds like your DH has some anger/control issues that he needs to address. Otherwise, is this the man you want to spend the rest of your life with once the kids are gone?
Yes, I want to spend the rest
Yes, I want to spend the rest of my life with him. The hard part about these forums is noone knows the entire story. However, I will say that it is important to vent and feel 'not alone' in these situations because being in a blended family is not easy. In my case, I have a family merging with only girls. My DH doesn't know what its like to have a son- and he treats them as a hard-ass. He is from a family that has never been divorced (I am) so he doesn't understyand what it feels like to have step paretns and what their role is to "the child".
My BD15 is rolling with the punches (not literally). and I am looking out for her best interest. The things my DH does (discipline, boundaries) are not bad for her. THey are much different than my ex. So, she has multiple parents in her life. I am struggling with the double standards. And you said it right- A step parent does NOT have unconditional love like a BC. And, we have all dealt with merging parenting styles. Its just really hard. I have conveyed to him to tell me/ not her . I want him to tell me where she is falling short- this shelters her from it. But it still is alot for me. I feel alot of the times like he is a hyprocrite because he didn't parent his own daughters that way. I also feel mentally drained.
I appreciate all your posts/comments because its not easy.
Shocking stat....the divorce
Shocking stat....the divorce rate for blended famiies is 70% (assuming second marriage for each).
So not only is it the hardest job you will ever have, it also has the highest failure rate.
Trust me, you're not alone.