I know his dad had a disease that made it hard for him to do anything and his mom had to do a lot because of this. That meant his parents were never able to go see him play sports, etc. He understands but feels bad that they were never there. It has made it important to see as much of his kids sports as he can. He also was the nurturer in his relationship with the kids and not their mom. There mom is gone alot at work. I think she avoids parenting because it stresses her out. He said she has asked him to take the kids to live with us when she gets mad at them. I believe it may have been better if we bought a house in their school district so we could take the kids. Neither of us want to move any of the kids to a new school district now. My kids are not pushing to see him more. They are fine with the arrangement. I feel bad because their dad has moved on and barely sees them as of two years ago. The kids are all well adjusted. The problem is that I feel angry more and more because he is gone more and more. He tells me he will have more time with me in a few years when his youngest is in high school. I just feel at times that he is being selfish. He is quick to tell me that I am. He will drop everything to get my kids where they need to be if I have to work late. He said he does everything he can to help me. He does but he also feels the time we spend in the evening (after nine) and around events on the weekend should be enough for now. He said if we had four kids together we would be just as busy. We do many things together on the weekends....maybe not all six of us but we do try. His oldest is spending less time here in the last six months so I know the end is on the horizon but I feel like I need clarification from others on how I feel. We are starting counseling soon to help us with the issue also.

I guess it is more complicated than I thought. I don't complain or make him feel he loves his kids more than mine. I guess I am fine with him being gone so much because it gives me quiet time with my kids. What gets me is when he starts missing the night he shares with us to do favors for others rather than incorporating it into his other nights. Maybe I am wrong but I feel since he spends so much time away that if something comes up it should not have to always be on the one night a week he is here with me. Some of my feelings may come from jealousy but it is because my ex is totally unsupportive and uninvolved. He knew our daughter was having sex for two years and never called me to let me know so I could get her on birth control. Then when I took the kids on vacation he jealously sent me a text telling me....trying to ruin our time together.Then I am part of the network that heavily supports my boyfriends ex and the kids. I am happy we all get along so well but there is a part of me that feels the pain and jealousy of this. I talk about it wiht my bf at times but there is nothing he can do. He feels bad but he cannot fix this for me. When I started complaining a year ago he got better about not scheduling stuff on our night together but then over time he started doing it again. This time when I complained he got mad and said I was being selfish. I wanted to know what others thought of this. Am I really being selfish. I have gotten some really good feedback but I am a little sad about the comments that make me feel like I am a boody call or dumb. I think this site should be supportive of each other...especially women in similar situations. I have a great job and work hard to raise these kids with my bf. I dont think the mean comments are constructive or earned. I am not married only because I dont' see the point in it. When it was so easy for my ex to walk away and all the hassle of the divorce ....I really am not in a hurry to do it again. My bf shows me how much he cares when he is around....it is hard to put into words but a women knows when she is loved. I don't feel taken advantage of. My boyfriend is trying to be the best parent and bf he can....I just think he feels he needs to do more and more (guilt issues perhaps.). I just wanted feedback....

Yes....Gomez got it. haha. He actually does have a custody agreement. The agreement that they came up with and had signed off with mediators was that he would have the kids Tues thru Friday and every other weekend. This way when his ex works the evenings someone is there with the kids. I had no problem with that. All of our kids were busy with sports and such. My eighteen year old has a disability that requires regular therapy and she cannot drive so I am busy with mine too. The problem that I tried to simplify (unsuccessfully I might add) was that he would give up time with us on our one night a week and then on weekends with things that would come up. He would never schedule this on any of the other days when the kids had nothing going on. That is what made me mad. I understand that as the kids have gotten older that they do traveling sports and have tournaments on the weekends....then whether his ex works or not he is going to be there all day to watch. I have no problem with that. I am always invited to anything he does with his kids, who adore me by the way. The problem is often I am busy with running my own kids or just need a break. I just wanted to know before our counseling starts if this was being selfish as he suggests. I don't think it is....I just wanted input. I also think that while training men is a novel idea. I think this would have created hard feelings towards me by his kids and his ex....and him a few years down the line. He can never say I came between him and his kids. I also don't think much of my ex's new woman. Since they had their baby he never sees our kids anymore. I would not want a man that treated his ex that way. It would be an indicator of his morals and my future. In the meantime I am doing the best I can do with my kids. I get them involved in the community, sports, and the wonderful boyscouts. I think the more men my son has to look up to the better. I also never bash the ex in front of my kids and never allow anyone else to either. This mess our famillies are in is not the kids faults and they should not suffer. Enough of that. I thank everyone for their input. It helps me to focus...even the meanies!! lol. I am sure they meant well. I just think women need to support women. Also..l.just because my situation is unusual does not make it bad. We are trying to make it work for us and our kids. That is what everyone should be doing.