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custody, schmostody

doingmybest's picture

Hi. I am new to this forum. We are a blended but unmarried family. Both of our exes are, well, exes for a reason.or lack of reason. FH(futurehubby?) has started custody proceedings and I am jealous. Althouhg his ex moves around alot, she's not as strung out on opoids as my ex, so we can usually expect to hear from her 5 minutes before she shows at our door(no longer alowed in our house)to pick up "her kids" regardless of our PLANS.My ex is in and of jail more than she, so I do not have an address for him, therefor, I can't file for custody, therefor, can't file for supervised visitations. There is so much jealousy and contension (sorry, no spell check) beteen our kids(1 my bs, 2 my ss)because my ex has a script for opoids, therefor, fh's ex is now friends with my ex.My ss's come home from wherever bm is staying saying how they got to see my bs's dad (for purposes of bm buying said 'script)when my bs does not. His bf has on occasion (like when he's out of money and wants to rob us again)tried to call.I will intercept. He has walked out on this boy 4 times already. I don't want my bs to see his bd, but little boys need to feel wanted and loved (daddy lets me eat candy for breakfast.). I can only play the bad guy for so long. I'm in PA and would like to know, is there anyway to file for sole custody without an address for the other parent? I would say this makes sense, given drug usage in this culture, but legal and sensible do not often co-incide. I will never alow my son to be exposed to the element at any age, let alone so young.His anger waxes and wanes with the tide of crap comming from bm's shoreline. I must remind myself, if I shoot them, it will not help because I'm the first one the cops will look for! HELP!

Sita Tara's picture

I would say definitely. I would call and get a (usually) free consult with an attorney to ask, but if he's not seeing/not paying, not even supplying contact info, then I would surely think there could be an abandonment legally. You have to weigh the pros/cons though. Sometimes, these guys come out of the woodwork hoping to keep from having to pay any CS, and start acting interested in parenting. BUT...

I always think you need to get this stuff straightened out. God forbid something happen to you, then your BS would end up back with this drug using/in and out of jail loser.

Good luck and let us know what you find out.

"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra

melis070179's picture

I would try to get his parental rights terminated, stat! Some states if he's out of the picture with no contact, no way to contact him, for more than 6 months you can do this under abandonment laws. I agree with Sita & get a free lawyer consult asap.

"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"

smurfy1smile's picture

IN MN you can have them served via publication if they cannot be located at a residence or workplace. It takes some time but would be worth it. Were you married to your ex? If not, in some states you have full custody unless a court says otherwise.

doingmybest's picture

We were never married. He tried to play commonlaw, but I don't agree. We talked about getting married, but I said no. To terminate parental rights you need an address, and is extremely difficult. I tried to get info from the family court, and the woman told me there is no way. I chose to have his baby, so I'm stuck with my mistake!She actually said that. My ex can turn this all around on me because the few times he did call, I told him to stay away (not so nicely). He does pay support because he's on disability, so the state takes it out even before he sees his check.Because of the state of spousal abuse in this country, they aren't allowed to give me his info. I'm off to counselling to help the kids all heal after their other parents screwed them up! I will see if a publication approach will work here. I never thought of that.