I’m at my wits end. I cannot stand my 4yo SD. Her parents were together a short time when she was a small baby so she has no recollection of them together. I’ve been in her life since she was 18 months old and my fiancé has custody, she only goes with her mom on the weekends.

Her mom has another relationship and has had two more kids. Her mother isn’t working right now and my fiancé has given her mom many other options to have her daughter more and she has refused them all because they don’t work with her schedule and says that she will eventually go back to work.

My SD has always hated me and I’m not exaggerating. I am so tired of the constant rejection and resentment from her. Anytime I do something for her all she does is talk about her mom or cry for her mom. My SD is also very mean and manipulative, you wouldn’t think a child could be, but she is. She tells me things like you aren’t pretty, my mom is pretty, you’re fat, my mom doesn’t like you and said I don’t have to listen to you, and says she is going to tell on me to her mom when I make her do something she doesn’t want to. My fiancé confronted her mom and she said she never said anything like that to her. She tries to keep me away from her dad and has told me that’s her daddy and they don’t want me and that he is getting a new girlfriend. Oh and forget me getting to sit next to or cuddle with my fiancé when she is around. I don’t understand where she could be learning these things from.

She is constantly crying, talks like a baby when she comes back form her moms, and throws fits to try to make it look like she is being hurt or treated unfairly by myself or my kids. She wants all the attention and wants everything about her. It’s to the point that in our house it feels like her and my fiancé are on their own little team, instead of him and me. I feel invisible when she is around. It’s always about her and daddy. Everything in our house seems to revolve around if she is happy and it doesn’t matter if anyone else is.

My fiancé is very much to blame, he hardly disciplines her, caves into everything she wants, and she really can do no wrong. It’s like he constantly feels like he needs to protect her from everything. He seems to still have the first child syndrome. I feel like I have to be the one to teach my SD how to treat people, be nice, discipline her, and show her the world doesn’t revolve around her every want. I want to spank her so badly! If she were my kid I definitely would have spanked her a million times by now. She sets up my children to get in trouble by her dad. My children can’t stand her because she gets so much favoritism from him, they have to share everything of theirs with her and get in trouble if they don’t, she even takes things from their rooms, and she rarely gets in trouble if she doesn’t share her things, only they do. He gets mad at them if they get annoyed by her and don’t want her in their rooms. Which to me is their space and none of them should be allowed to take things from each other’s rooms or enter without asking. What older sibling hasn’t kicked their younger sibling out of their room? I’ve told all this to him so many times and things have gotten better but even with the improvement I don’t know what to do anymore.

My children are older, they really are great kids and I am so proud of them but I see why they don’t want to be around her either. My fiancé gets frustrated that my kids don’t want to be around her. I have to make them be nice to her and tell them to be the big sibling and tell them that she is little and doesn’t understand things like how to be nice and share yet. I know I’m not perfect and I show my frustration and resentment towards her too but I really try to be there and show her she is loved. I have started doing less and less for/with her because she really doesn’t want me. I still do try and do little things like read to her once in a while, do girly things with her, tell her good night and tell I love her, to which she always replies with a dirty look and a grunt. I don’t even try to give hugs or kisses anymore, which is so important to me with my own children as well as her. I just don’t know what to do anymore. Her dad doesn’t see how she is, it’s like he is blind to it. I love my fiancé but I am so tired of my children being treated like they are the ‘bad’ ones and I am so tired of being put second to a little brat. I believe that it should the husband and wife as team and then the children as individuals. More than anything I want to fix this, I just don’t know how.