Can you draw the line on sick kids?
:sick:
My step-sons have been sent to our house over the course of the years with lice, ringworm (several times), impetigo (at least 3 times), various colds, fevers, flu, and now this week Whooping Cough. I have repeatedly requested that BM let us know ahead of time if the boys are sick with something contagious and explained that we do have a baby and that I have been fighting a long term illness for the past 4 years and my immune system is not very strong. If I know they are ill ahead of time, we can switch placement so they can stay with her till they are well or I will go and stay somewhere else with the baby if she'd rather they come here.
Most often, she plays dumb - like she didn't notice or thought it was something minor, but in the case of the most recent Whooping Cough, we stopped at a grocery on the way home with them and complete strangers were asking if they were choking or if they had Whooping Cough. The time before this, SS's elbow was bleeding when we picked him up so DH sent him in to get a Bandaid because he was bleeding on his shirt. BM told us a week later that she "just thought he had ringworm, but it turned out to be impetigo." Of course, seeing blood - we thought he had scraped his elbow, because of course any normal person would let the other parent know if the kid had either, right?!?!? They're both very contagious!
I don't know how to deal with this. Like I said, I have repeatedly asked for warning and that does not sink in I guess. Is this common? I am a BM as well and if DS is sick, I call his dad and we switch weekends - no big deal - why would you expose both households to it and why would you uproot a sick kid anyway? At what point is this negligence?
Oh dear this sounds familar,
Oh dear this sounds familar, I also have an illness which leaves my immunity low, I've asked Sd's family not to send her if she's ill, I also have asthma, mind you Bm seems to hate me so she's more likely to send her if she is ill, she dos'nt care how much I suffer or end up in hospital again. Its the whooping cough I'd worry about, especially with a baby in the house, its an awful illness, did'nt he have his jabs? If he did'nt he is a serious risk to your baby, its not his fault poor little chap, its down to a negligent mother, normal parents take their kids to Dr's if they have a rash, the first time I was a stepmother, Bm would send both kids to us with nits all sorts, I guess she thought we would sort it out, I think your Ss's mother is doing the same.
It's just jerky, though. BM
It's just jerky, though. BM doesn't need to be concerned about her immunity levels, but calling and telling the household, "Hey, SS are sick," is pretty much common decency. Also, crap like whooping cough can be very dangerous, even life threatening, for a baby. If I thought any illnesses my kids have could cause someone else in the household to get severely I'll or even die, yeah, I think it's incumbent upon BM to at least give a heads up.
Unfortunately, since BM has shown she's not into common decency, you can't do much except have DH pick them up, and if they are sick, leave before they get there.
It will continue until your
It will continue until your husband has the courage to take the kids back once the problem is discovered. All of them, even the ones not showing symptoms, go back as they could be carrying.
If the kid can't be sent to
If the kid can't be sent to school because of health danger to infect others, then the BM is a witch. Put your foot down. These BM's do it on purpose. They want custody and cs but then want 50/50 responsibility. You chose tobe CP and get cs and want things to revolve around you when convenient, then it also works the same when inconvenient.
This is exactly what I would
This is exactly what I would think should be done. In reality, it just never would.
what i have done in this
what i have done in this situation was i told my DH if your child is coming over with the flu me and my kids going to a fun water park hotel for the weekend.. i have no idea why BM wants to send kid off when they are throwing up? i know when i am sick last thing i want to be is running around to a different house and i am sure a child is no different. when my kids are severely sick i do not send them to their fathers house i keep them home until they are over the bug. if its a cold thats different not much can be done about that one but the flu,lice,ect keep the kid in one place....my Skid had lice for like two months cause the running back and forth, made me sick we would treat it all weekend and it was about gone then she would go home the BM would not treat and bam back again. i was at my wits end and told my DH she either stays with us for two weeks and we will fix it or she can not come back till its gone!
BM is constantly sending SD4
BM is constantly sending SD4 to our house when she is sick. I told my DH several times if she gets sick at BM's house, she needs to stay there until she is well. BM does not work so she can stay home with SD whereas at our house, someone has to take off work if SD is too sick to go to school. It's just crazy. Of course DH has yet to listen to me, even though I pay the bills in the house but can make no rules. Ah the life of a SM.. }:)
My SS4.5 was always sick with
My SS4.5 was always sick with colds/flu when he was in head start this year, and we were the ones stuck with paying for his medicine/children's tylenol. The school even called his BM one day to tell her he had a fever of 102 and she just left him at school until it was time for him to go home because we were scheduled to pick up him up that day! She's obviously totally negligent and doesn't care. Our medicine cabinet is stuffed with cough syrup bottles that the school sent home with him. I didn't even get upset that he could have passed the illnesses on to our household members.. I just wondered why he was constantly sick all the time! I really like the idea of slamming the door in BM's face when she tries to drop him off and he's sick.. will have to try that one! }:)
Ugh - this is a major issue
Ugh - this is a major issue in my house. My youngest BD also has immune system issues, and the slightest contact with an illness will see her down with it far worse than the original person who infected her IYKWIM.
I told OH that this was an absolute rule - when his kids are sick they are not allowed to come here, point blank no way.
Of course, they have been sent anyway, with the same comments "Oh, I didn't realise they were sick" REALLY BM??? the child has told us she has been vomiting and diarhoea (sp) for days and you never freakin noticed?
And of course OH says "oh well, they are here now, I can hardly take them home again can I?"
And or course lil miss 6 got sick, threw up for a week, she's already undersize for her age due to her illness, and behind at school because she misses so much. After that she got a cold straight away, so she has been unwell for about 3 weeks now. NOT HAPPY... Once she gets one illness it snowballs and she just catches everything that passes by the front door.
Trust me when I say OH will NEVER do that again, I tore strips off him, how dare he put my child in that position! I think he gets it now. LOL
You DO have the right to insist that BM informs you, you can't enforce it though. OH SHOULD not bring the kids once he realises, but again - you have no control over that. Sorry