can we move out and still be together
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I live with my partner, my 2 kids (perm) and his 3 kids (weekends) and it doesnt seem to be working that well, after 2 years of living together. after many discussions, we realise that we love each other very much but we fear that we will hate each others kids more if things continue the way they are now. all the kids are under 10 and we are starting to think it may be best for me and my girls to move out to save our relationship. when we are all together the children are very jealous of the time they get with their father and i would rather step aside to give them that time. Is it strange to be together but not live together? we love each other so much and would do anything to stay together!
Hi Nine, I was in a similar
Hi Nine,
I was in a similar situation...I lived with my two kids (teens) and his child (8 y.o) but the drama from his child and her mom was too much for me. His situation was not ready for me. They moved out and we're still together, although we've had a few mini-breaks in the past two months (they moved out in the fall).
I have to warn you, it is very difficult to just "see" the person you lived with and wanted to marry/spend your life. Sure, my house is much more peaceful and I am once again queen of my castle, which has been great, but my resentment is still there. I feel angry that BF couldn't/didn't react differently to the drama we went through. To his defense, he did try at the end to get Sd and BM in line but I had already hit my threshold.
The other thing to consider...do you really want to wait indefinitely...up to eight/nine years...for this man? This is a question I ask myself, esp. considering I am in my 40s, SD is only 8, and my kids are getting ready to fly the coop. Not sure I want to relive the teenage years with SD after my own are gone...esp. after listening to everyone's story here.
That being said, relationships don't always have to fit a traditional mold. The main thing is that you and your BF are happy with the relationship and feel satisfied with it. I think you have a good shot. Maybe you both could go to couple's counseling while you're living apart, if that is what you decide to do. We went to counseling and I think we're going to go back in the next few weeks.
PM me if you want to talk more.
Good luck to you.
I asked this question before
I asked this question before (because I was thinking of doing it myself). And it really doesn't make sense to do that. It is really the beginning of the end. If you can't live together, why be together? You and DH need to show all of the kids that you are a team. DH needs to let his kids know that you are a part of his life and you aren't going anywhere. It sounds like the families are having a hard time blending. Maybe try family therapy before moving out?
"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus
Thanks for the advise. Its
Thanks for the advise. Its not so much of an issue with his kids. I am a young widow, so he is unsure if he can provide all the love and respect that my kids need and deserve from a father figure.
He is so filled with guilt for leaving his family that he focuses all his time on his kids needs and forgets about mine. his son is VERY dependant on his dad and hates that fact that he now has to share him because my kids dont have a dad of their own, which i understand this, it must be hard for him as he is only 9.
I dont think that makes BF a bad person because he has tried his hardest but he just feels that my kids deserve more than he can give.
we have started cuoples counselling to find out if he can get past these issues, and i hope that he can.
But sometimes i wonder, would it just be easier to move out and take the father figure issues out of the picture?
I don't think moving out is
I don't think moving out is the answer. I think its great that you started counseling. If BF gets over his guilty parenting, things should fall into place. Do what is best for you and your kids, but I personally don't think moving out is the answer. I hope it all works out for you guys.
"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus