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BM using SD13 to destroy my marriage

MJB's picture

Submitted by MJB on Wed, 09/26/2018 - 1:54pm

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Blended Family Issues

This is my first post as I am at my wits end. My husband and I are having a major disagreement about how our home rules should apply. I have a daughter 17 who resides with us 100% of the time. My husband has 40/60 split... SD12 and SD13. I discovered a journal where SD13 is documenting every conversation and things my daughter and I say or do. After retrieving the journal the BM requested the SD’s both have their cellphones at our home. My gut tells me it is so SD13 can document, take videos and photos for BM. My husband and I had a major disagreement. He says his girls should have the same phone privileges as my 17yo daughter. I said no. We compromised on his daughters having cell phones only on the main level of the home so we can more easily monitor what’s happening. My husband was in the bathroom and I discovered SD13 in our bed snap chatting. I have said repeatedly I DO NOT WANT PHOTOS TAKEN IN OUR HOME, This is my private space. My husbands response is he doesn’t care and that if I’m doing nothing wrong then I shouldn’t be concerned. He says I have a guilty conscious. Well, he ex is the devil, we call her Lucifer. She has lied under oath and in one year committed 70 contempt’s of court (withholding kids for 40 days was one). She will go to any extreme to destroy my husband financially and destroy our marriage. It’s working. 

I feel strongly about SD’s having specific rules but they are not being followed or enforced.  I told my husband when he doesn’t enforce them and gets mad at me then he’s also allowing SD to have more ammunition to hurt me and our marriage. 

How do we resolve this and keep peace in our family.?

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Wed, 09/26/2018 - 2:07pm

BM is not destroying your marriage, your DH is. 

I remember hearing a story about skids who planted stuff in the house (stuff that could get their father and SM in trouble), then took pictures of it, and BM used it in court.

Your DH already knows they kept a journal that BM has her paws on and took seriously.  Is he trying to lose custody?

Thumper's picture

Submitted by Thumper on Wed, 09/26/2018 - 2:55pm

WOW your husband is the problem here. 

OH yes TOG,,,,the planting of stuff, taking pics...YOU name it, it happens.

 

Ispofacto's picture

Submitted by Ispofacto on Wed, 09/26/2018 - 4:06pm

I don't get why kids below driving age "need" phones.  Especially if they've proved sneaky and rule breaking.  It's crazy.

Killjoy14 is not allowed a cell in our house.  BM is a psycho stalker type.  If BM got a hold of pictures or recordings of my private space, I'd go on a killing spree.

If my DH was treating me the way yours if, I'd move out.

 

tankh21's picture

Submitted by tankh21 on Wed, 09/26/2018 - 6:31pm

OP I was in a similair situation when my DH and I first got married.  BM told OSS to take pictures of our house and then delete the messages.  Then both skids would straight out lie to BM and then she got my MIL involved.  Both of the skid's cell phones and any other electronics that they were able to communicate to BM with while they were in our house were taken away and given back to them when they wants back to BM's.  Everyone is right though you have a DH problem.  Your DH should support you and you should be a united front when it comes to BM and skids.  I am sorry that you are going through this and I truly know how you feel.

MJB's picture

Submitted by MJB on Wed, 09/26/2018 - 7:45pm

Thanks for all the support, seriously. My husband said until I have evidence that her phone is being used for that purpose then I have no argument. 

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Thu, 09/27/2018 - 5:27am

By the time you have evidence it's being used that way, DH will be standing in front a judge fighting to retain his custody time.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Thu, 09/27/2018 - 1:20pm

Oh hell no.  Confiscate StepSpawn phones as soon as they come in the house. Lock them in a metal lock box so that they cannot connect or be accessed in any way while the StepSpawn are in  your home.  If they and BM cannot respect the sanctity of your family and your home... then make their lives while in your home ones of abject misery.

As others have said. Your DH is the problem and he needs to get his head out of his ass or leave IMHO.  I would not tolerate him or  his prior relationship toxic crotch trophies if I were you.

And Welome. I hope that you find this to be a good place to vent, contribute and to pick up some useful advice from others who are living the blended family dream.

Good luck.

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Thu, 09/27/2018 - 10:57am

This is the RULE I would impose.  Cell phones must be 100% unlocked and available at all times for either of you to access and review activity and content if it is in your home.  In fact, I'm sure there are activity tracking APPs that can be installed.

All children will have this installed on their phones if the phone is allowed in your home.  If they refuse.. or if BM refuses to allow this to be installed.. well, then.. that child cannot have a phone in your  home.. it is handed over for safekeeping.. or doesn't come in the home at all.

That is equal treatment for all.