Blending failure/Relationship failure
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After two years of dating we decided to live together. We each had 2 high school children. The experiment lasted less than 2 years. Major differences in how we raise and what we expect from our children. Different values as well. I worked hard to try and blend. She didn't want to ask anything of her kids and felt it would be weird for them.
We now live apart but it seems like a step backward. I understand he commitment to her children, but feel she lacks commitment to our relationship. We went from living life together to "dating" again and seeing each other 2-3 times a week..
Am I too negative in feeling like she lacks commitment to me and in feeling like we don't have a future rogether?
you are simply just negative
you are simply just negative lol......
due to different parenting styles, 2 teenagers, I also moved out and we saw each other one night during the week and spend week-ends together..
It worked for 5 years.... but with recent events and Disney Daddy not paying attention we broke up a while ago...
now Disney Daddy can parent and enforce rules, but it's too little too late.
The golden rule is, when you do spend time together, it's about the 2 off you, not the children, there's only 2 people in a relationship.. not a whole family, and this my SO could not understand, he always wanted to make his brat part of our time together, and she always managed to rule.. I got tired and left...
Ok. I'll agree I am negative
Ok. I'll agree I am negative concerning the future. Our future will involve our children and their children. It's not the relationship I wanted. Partnership, communication, and being able to overcome difficulties in "our" life are important to me. A life together is important. We're the 2 or three days a week good for both of you? Was there ever a desire for more in those years apart? Did you feel like you were in a relationship that was going somewhere? And do you feel that the fact you didn't live together and share a life together lead to the break up? I feel that I might get to that point as well because I want a relationship where we share life daily...5 years without that worries me.
No future should involve
No future should involve children, children grow up and move out... ideal situation and you as parent have to ensure they get out age 19-20...
Their children is none of your concern, you do not have to raise the grand kids, you did not have pleasure in making them, your duties as a parent are done when you kid launch..... (I am not from US, I'm from Mars)
Living apart gave us both ample time with our minor children, I parented mine, he let his free roam.... then all I asked was the 2-3 days together not to revolve around the children, quality time is way better then quantity time in my view.... but unfortunately with his free roaming mini adult wife, we never had quality time... she demanded attention 24/7 and she made the decisions in his house, if we made plans and she found out she would have one or other crisis and he would drop me and attend to her.... never emergencies, things like her phone is not working, we would drive back home for him to get her phone to work, oh she forgot to charge it... shit like that drove me crazy.... and he jumped when she demanded. Since she was 13.
Then about 6 months ago she came drunk home, assaulted me, I left and filed charges..she and her mother decided I'm not allowed at his house (which I own 50%) I'm not an easy woman and I told him to eff off... if he wants to listen to his X wife and daughter and not his 14 year partner, then he might as well take his X wife back...
Decide what you want for
Decide what you want for yourself- that's what your SO is doing. In that sense you are not in a reciprocal relationship and you are doing all the work to keep it together. Is that what you want? If there are still rewards in it for you then maybe it is worth the effort, but my sense is it is less and less rewarding and your time, energy and love might be better appreciated elsewhere.
Good luck-keep us posted.