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is this a battle i need to fight?

time2live's picture

Submitted by time2live on Fri, 04/02/2010 - 7:57pm

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Blended Family Issues

My stepdaughter just got away with being dishonest...again. It's just one of the things that I find it hard to let go. I am sitting here biting my tongue trying not to say anything because if I say something, then I'm the wicked stepmother. We have trouble getting my SD to eat anything remotely homemade and nutritious. Her mom loads her up with fast food. So all the kids are sitting there eating and she's got 2 potatoes on her plate. one of them accidentally ends up on the floor. she is told by clueless dad to put it in the trash. oh my goodness! minutes later, 2nd potato ends up where? you got it. he tells her to let that be the last thing that ends up on the floor. well, she promptly puts it in the trash and...problem solved. why does it bother me so much when the stepkids are able to lie and get away with it? i guess because i really can't stand being lied to, and i strongly believe that if a kid is allowed to repeatedly get away with it, it's teaching them that lying works. and i don't want them to be dishonest people. or maybe i don't want to fall for something that is life or death because they don't know how to tell the truth. maybe i shouldn't let it bother me. the other issue is i don't want my children to start picking up that lying is something you can get away with. am i overreacting?

leladawn's picture

Submitted by leladawn on Fri, 04/02/2010 - 8:08pm

You're not overreacting. I don't like being lied to either. I think its a huge deal because little lies can turn into other bigger ones fast. Does she lie about other things as well?

Your post title is "is this a battle I need to fight?" Well no, it shouldn't be. Its something her dad should be dealing with. I struggle with this too because my bf's kids are all prone to lying and exagerating and it bugs me sooo much! Bottom line though, its his responsibility as a parent to stop it while its still early.

Have you tried talking with him about it?

"You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses." Ziggy

time2live's picture

Submitted by time2live on Fri, 04/02/2010 - 8:17pm

DH doesn't notice his kids lie and certainly isn't on a mission to get them to stop lying like I am. I think secretly I am trying to show him their true colors. He is so proud of them and doesn't see all the character flaws I do. I think the fact that he so willingly points out the flaws in my kids adds to the problem. But the main thing for me is that I don't like any child to get away with lying. I have to figure out why I care.

leladawn's picture

Submitted by leladawn on Fri, 04/02/2010 - 8:33pm

I don't think there's anything wrong with caring. Maybe its just the way you're built, and I think a lot of people are built like that. I also think you have every right to care if you're being lied to by ANYONE, and certainly someone who is in your house. You care because lying is disrespecting you as a person and it violates all trust, which inevidabely will bring any realtionship you have with the person lying to you to a halt.

When this person is the daughter of the man you love, especially if he refuses or isn't interested in acknowledging it, it causes stress to slowly build up.

I'm sorry you're frustrated Sad (((hugs)))

"You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses." Ziggy

time2live's picture

Submitted by time2live on Fri, 04/02/2010 - 8:39pm

thank you for the hugs! it IS frustrating. although i AM learning to care less, so that I maintain my sanity.