am i unreasonable?
Been married to sd who moved in 2 years ago to 3 bdroom house. I have 2 boys in early 20's who live at home - go to local college & work. Their father died of cancer when they were 10 & 8. He was a terrific father. It was sad. Sd has 2 kids a daughter 30 yo who lives in town with her mother and son 2o years old who just started college away, here eow when in town. I have no family to speak of and no relatives with money, resources etc. My oldest son just graduated college - first one in birth family and sd said we could buy him a mac book pro for present - his suggestion. I"m out of work but looking so i was grateful. However, his son is here this weekend before returning to collegetown where his mother, grandmother and dad (my husband) are paying his rent & expenses. Also 20yr stepson already has macbook pro, new iphone, $300 headphones, games etc is getting new furniture for new house he's renting. Today SD said he wanted to buy his son a HDTV for kid's new house. I said why can't he take the one in his room here and why can't he take the bed from his room here. DH got pissed. He has a hard time with my oldest son - both are shy and proud but really. It just seems unfair. My boys are very careful not to spend much money cause Sd is supporting them. I told my son that DH was going to buy him macbook pro but now i wish i hadn't cuz DH seems so resentful. "I feel like i do everything around here and am unappreciated" IT is true my boys act more grateful but some of this is their age and they are very aware that DH is supporting the household. The tension has been building for months. I need to find a job soon. We're like the have-nots and his kids are the haves. is this normal? Should i just accept this? Sorry this is so long
I think it's very normal. You
I think it's very normal.
You have two ADULT children living with you being supported by their stepfather. Sorry, but now that my steps are over 18, the LAST thing I want to do is support them. It galls me to have to pay certain things for their ungrateful asses because it's court ordered. They are ADULTS.
If, and only if, you choose to "spoil/support" YOUR ADULT children, then YOU need to do it. You need to work and fund them. Otherwise, they should be working and supporting themselves. I see absolutely no reason why two men in their twenties should be supported by their stepfather. I totally can't figure out why you have a problem with this.
She said she is trying to get
She said she is trying to get a job. Sometimes tough to do right away. She said it was HIS idea to offer to buy these things. It doesn't sound like to me that she is asking for him to support them she just was trying to think logical.. If you already have something why go out and buy another one.
I know if you could you would provide for all of your childrens needs and wants. I think his kids will grow up to expect things from their father and use him as an ATM. I see nothing wrong with how you want to raise your children. To appriciate what they have.
Good luck and God bless you.
I guess I look at it from a
I guess I look at it from a different perspective. This family consists of 30 year daughter with a 2 year old son (30 year old still living with her mom), and 3 young men all in their twenties.
So, why is anyone supporting them, in my mind they have all grown up. If they are living with mom in their twenties and SF is paying all the bills, I imagine SF is becoming resentful. However, his own biological children appear to be bludging off parents also.
Perhaps if they are not paying something towards the running of the house it is time all 4 kids did. But maybe it would be best for all 4 kids to move out of the parents nest and rent a house together and leave all the parents to have a life of their own now.
If she were single, she would
If she were single, she would have to work in order to provide food and shelter for herself.
Finding a job is easy. The problem is many people aren't willing to do certain jobs.
It may have been his idea to buy things for her sons, but it was her choice to accept it.