Am I being ridiculous? Please help!
I frequent this site and just want to say I've learned a lot from everyone's honestly on different subjects. First time I've posted, so bare with me;
The background; my husband has three young kids (five year old girl, twin 3 year old boys). I have met his wife a handful of times (just on pick up and drop offs with the kids) and I've always been pleasant as she has been with me. My husband has the kids every second weekend.
Everything seemed okay for the past while, but in the last couple of months she would ask my husband where I was (if not at pickup/drop offs), insist that I not be at certain appointments (not that I would as I respect boundaries.
Fast forward to last two weeks. One of the kids is sick with phnamonia and was in the hospital for 5 days. While in the hospital ex wife was angry that I wasn't there and one point telling husband I was disinterested in the children (when really I has visited shortly and left to allow her space to visit) and then was upset that I was there and said that I was heartless! Now she's insisting that my husband come alone when picking up the kids. I feel very hurt and upset; I don't have kids myself and am ten years you get than my husband (27) but I love and care about his children very much. I'm not sure how to handle this. I feel very uneasy and starting to feel like Im coming in second to his ex wife, and when I talk to my husband about it he just brushes it off and says he's just "trying to keep everyone happy". I feel like he isn't on my side here. Am I being ridiculous? If I am, please say so! How would you handle this situation, any advice? Thank for so much in advance.
Well we live just outside of
Well we live just outside of town, so usually we I get some errands done at the same time since we don't get in too often. Plus I enjoy the drive and seeing them and it was never an issue before..
I may be being overly sensitive, but when she makes comments about me (usually through text or email) he doesn't respond by defending me. He doesn't respond at all, so in that way I feel he isn't on my side. I just want to understand what I've done to make her so upset.
Thank you for your advice
Thank you for your advice everyone. My goodness, this isn't easy! And I try to not let it bother me, or not take it out on my husband but sometimes it definitely does.
Tonight I plan on having a
Tonight I plan on having a good constructive conversation with him about this and hopefully that along with this advice helps me to put this to rest.
And strongly suggest he nip
And strongly suggest he nip this in the bud pronto. If he tolerates it even once, it only gets worse and then the demands of how she will dictate his life will creep in ever more.
When we were dating my husbands ex started with the "I don't want HER at drops offs" and before too long she was trying to demand that I never be with the children unsupervised. Then she never wanted me around them ever. Then we couldn't date. No reason why, just because she said so.
My DH did not put an end to this crap until the whole "you can't date HER", and at that point it was all out WAR, because BM was already accustomed to getting her way and bossing DH around. Threats of withholding visitation, kidnapping kids, you name it.
He can end a lot of misery right now by telling her that their relationship is over, he is welcome to date whomever he wishes, and HE gets to decide who is around him and the children on HIS time, just as she may on HER time.
Did you ever try speaking to
Did you ever try speaking to her? Or was it beyond that? That must have been hard on your relationship, did you often talk to him about it? Sorry for the third degree just interested in how others handled this type of situation
You're married to him, you
You're married to him, you guys are a team. Don't worry about whatever she says or does. She'll get over it eventually. As someone else put it "you can be by his side anytime you please!"
BM does not get to dictate
BM does not get to dictate shit for anything regarding you or what DH does on his time or who he does it with. Regardless of what toxic drivel BM pulls out of her ass regarding what events you attend with your DH and when you attend them she has a choice. STFU. No other option. Just STFU. That is it.
Go, be radiant, be happy, and send BM scurrying for the dark shadows of her cockroach life. Being happy and living well is the best possible tactic for destroying this toxic financial breeder.
As for your DH …. He needs absolute clarity and correction on his “I am just trying to keep everyone happy.” philosophy. BM does not get one iota of his effort to keep anyone happy. He unwisely invested far too much in trying to keep her happy when they were together. She has nothing but his past and he needs to realize that. You are his present and future and you and your marriage are what he needs to focus his efforts of making happiness on.
And no, you are not being ridiculous.
Oh Honey Honey .... No, she
Oh Honey Honey .... No, she doesnt have a saying in what you do and where you go... you see BM is a very jealous and insecure woman, she hates being around me because she feels intimidated, and she tried to jerk me around for a while, but no. You go, and do, and say, whatever you want, and if she is not happy, so.be.it.
In my scenario BM hates me
In my scenario BM hates me with a passion, but to avoid her anger towards me coming out towards the kids we have everything go through the lawyer. It's not been a cheap journey but she finally realises that my partners time with his children is his own and she can not dictate any of it. The law told her that wasn't how it works!
Ignore her, in a way you sort of have to pity a BM who results to that. There are two ways a woman can react when hurt, first is make yourself stronger and refuse to be caught up in the negativity of their past. The second, well that's the you hurt me so I am going out my way to hurt you. To be fair this isn't just women it's men too but sad truth I find.