HI I am new to this forum so please bear with me.  I am (or was up until a few weeks ago) a partner (61) of a wonderful woman (56) who I feel is my soulmate,  who has 2 adult SS (SS1 20 and SS2 24).  I do not have kids.  We have been together for 6.5 years. Her ex H was/is quite a toxic character and has tried hard to break us up through the SSs.   We live separately but very close to each other (1 mile). SS1 moved  to live  with his BF 18 mnths ago and is in his 3rd year in college and doing well.  The BF lives on the other side of the city is married again and has a son (10) with new partner.  SS2 (24) just completed his college degree in another city in May 24, and this is where the problems ramped up. I get on ok with the 2 SSs - they are respectful in general and we have done some things together.  My approach is uncle like.  With my SO I really want us to be a team and to work together and build a life together (having our own place) and had been asking SO since Jan 23 about us getting a place together or making a plan to do so.  SO was not very enthusiastic.  She owns her own house and regards it as her adult sons 'home' which she feels she has to provide. It is also the house that she grew up in and which she inherited when her father died and she moved back in with her now ex H and 2 kids.  I own my own apartment.  I left it for a couple of months and then raised it again as I am not that keen on living separately in to the future (though having read some of the posts here - I'm gathering that isnt easy as a steparent). I knew that SS2 (24) would be finishing up in college in May and I said again to my SO about us making a plan before he finished so that there would be clarity for me , her and him.  SS2 had a part time job in college near us which then made him permanent in May 24.  He is hardworking but does not have many close friends and has not had a relationship with a girl in the time that I have known him (6.5years). He works long and unsociable hours - would not have the greatest personal hygiene and spends a lot of his time gaming. My SO is concerned about his mental health.  Anyway long story short, while I was hoping that myself and SO would finalise our plan for our place - nothing happened on that end and lo and behold SO moved SS2 back in to her house in June24 - there was no discussion with me on this.  The arrangement is that SS2 does not pay rent but splits utility bills.  SO asks me - where else could he go?.  The problem for me is that our relationship is not prioritised and that of SS2 is.  SO and SS2 are now doing the things toegether that I wanted to do with her - i.e. living together.  He has become like a mini husband.  At SS2s graduation (Oct 24) - I wasnt included in any of the discussions about what was happening or any kind of celebration. I felt very excluded and unimportant..  In Nov 24 SO announced to me that she was thinking of getting a dog - not would we think of getting a dog but she was thinking of getting a dog.  I was really angry and hurt but calmed down enough to speak to her afterwards and explained how I felt and ask her why she was thinking of getting a dog but not looking at us making a plan for our place?  That didnt go well.  Anyway fast forward to 2 weeks before christmas - me and SO had been arguing a lot and drifting apart a bit - we had a big row and SO said that she couldnt do this anymore.  Se we have been apart since then with no contact.  Then last week I was having a small medical procedure and SO texted me to see if I needed any help - no mention of anything else.  I reckon that we are done but I find it hard to give up on someone who is a great person and really lovely and I love her, but she is very guilty around her adult sons and they are her priority.  Would welcome any thoughts.  Thanks.