I've been married to their mom for fifteen years. I have endured a constant life of paying the house payment, utilities, insurance, food, clothes, cars, gifts, trips and just about everything else. Anytime I've put in my two cents on raising her kids she quickly undermines it by telling the kids they can have, go or do whatever I have objected to. I tried my best to always treat her kids as though they were my own but that's hard to do when I'm not allowed to have an input on how they were raised. I kept thinking that it would get better when the kids got older and more on their own and she would pay more attention to me and less to them.
Her daughter is now 23, graduated from college (wife paid for all five years to get four year degree) and is married now. Her son is 20 and is going to a university nearby but rents a house next to campus with some other guys. She pays for the rent.
Until three years ago her ex (kids biodad) got away without paying any of the COURT ORDERED child support. This of course left me holding the bag to support her and her kids. Finally I contacted my State Representative and gave him all the bio-dads information and complained about Social Services lack of doing their job and enforcing child support payment. He is $103,000 in the rears on child support. They arrested him for failure to pay and he stayed in jail for 30 days. When they let him out the allowed the amount of child support he is required to pay to be reduced from $650 a month to $450 a month. Instead of offering to pay for any household expense or even give me some of the child support, she keeps it all and spends it on her and her kids.
She is a college graduate and had a good income up until a year ago when her company had financial problems and she got laid off. She has stayed on un-employment for over a year and I really don't think she is actually looking for a job.
Her son shows up at least once a week and she does his laundry for him. I have washed my own clothes the whole time we've been married because she said she didn't have time to do it after we got married. She treats her son like a king when he is here waiting on him hand and foot and making sure he has everything he wants.
The final blow between her daughter and I came a little over a year ago when I asked her some question about a job her fiancé accepted. There is no salary to this job and he is paid by donations he brings in after the organization takes an administrative cut out of it. She and her fiancé came to my house and told me if I had any questions to go to him and not ask her anything about it. That caused a big rift between us and she didn't ask me to walk her down the isle opting to have her brother do it. She also had the wedding that her mother paid for in her fiancés hometown instead of hers or the nearby city she lives in. As a result only a handful of her friends and relatives showed up at the wedding. I was told it looked more like a family reunion for his family and get together for his friends. I opted not to go because I have decided enough is enough and I refuse to continue to be a doormat anymore.
I know I messed up and should have gotten out of this hell years ago after I realized she was not going to treat me as her husband and equal to raise the kids. I didn't want a failed marriage and always thought things would get better. They didn't and never will. She will never put me before her kids and never treat me as a co-captain of the team. I'm too old to get divorced and don't want to risk loosing my financial security that I worked so hard for. I owned the house long (14 years) before we got married. The house is in my name only as is all the utilities. She has never made a house payment or utility payment. Her income has gone only to support her kids.
I know it's too late in life for me but hopefully if any younger man with no bio kids is either dating or married to a woman with bio kids and is treated the same as me they'll cut the losses and get out now. I've always worked hard and had a good income. My life without ever knowing her would have been a life of ease but I messed up by not setting rules early on.