New Husband Is Now Going To Be A Grandfather
Hello,
I'm newly married, since Jan actually. We got pregnant a week after the wedding, had a miscarriage 6 weeks later. Husband has a 12yr daughter, and two daughters who are grown. Just found out one of those grown daughters is 5.5 weeks pregnant. The thought of being a step grandmother without every having been a mother really grates my nerves. Makes me want to leave I'm so dissapointed because now I'll have to listen to all the baby talk and possibly have the child over when born. I've been praying for guidance and patience. I don't want to feel like this. I can't stand hubby's 12 yr old either. We've had to put locks on the doors and keep her out of the kitchen. She helps herself to other people's property, goes in the kitchen and gets out eggs and scrambles them raw (a whole dozen) in her room. Had an egg in a plastic glove on top of her shelf which began stinking. Has to be sent to daycare (that I am paying for too and picking her up daily) because she can't stay by herself after school for 45 minutes. I KNEW he had kids. I just didn't expect it to be like this. The child's mom doesn't pay child support, is unstable, had her other kids taken away from her, doesn't work, and is chemically dependant. I pray for the mother to get better. The 12 yr old wants to see her mom. I'm sorry, but I demanded not to be called MOM or referred to as step mom. I just don't like it. NOW, I will probably pass out if someone refers to me as step-grandmom, when I've never even been a mom (had two miscarriages). Sorry this is so long. I'm really frustrated and angry. My husband put locks on the door, makes the child's lunch, gets her hair done, and does as much as possible so I don't have to. He works at night, well he gets off at ten. So Im home with her every day until she goes to bed. Sorry again for this being so lengthy. Have a great day.
Sorry. I just wanted to vent
Sorry. I just wanted to vent and see if anyone else had a similiar experiance of your husband being a grandfather and you haven't even been a mother. I found this form and am thankful to read what others share. It helps while I'm online reading. When I get off line and back into the real world, I'm not happy. Only been married a few months, just thought things wouldn't be this way this soon. Thank you for reading.
Thank you for your reply.
Thank you for your reply. Yea, I don't think I'm near stepgradparenthood either. That's why in addition to everything else, this new revelation is really about too much to deal with.
I can't have kids. I have
I can't have kids. I have always wanted to adopt. DH doesn't want to.
When SDs have kids (which I'm sure will happen before OSD even turns 19) I am going to be the most depressed bitch around. If my DH ooohs and ahhhs over that baby, I think I will punch him in his face. Literally.
Thank you for your response
Thank you for your response Stepdoormat. Bless your heart. Man, I feel for you. I pray your husband changes and eventually wants to adopt. That's not fair to you at all.
I'm so sorry. I've never been
I'm so sorry. I've never been in that situation.
All I can suggest is to treat the SDs and SD's baby with courtesy and respect.
It sounds like the 12 year old has many issues she needs addressed. It seems likely that she has inherited many of BMs issues and feels the absence of her mother from her life very acutely. You don't have to love or like her, but I do hope your husband will get her counseling to help her learn how to appropriately seek support, cope and vent her feelings about that and other things.
Your husband will adore this baby and he should, but that doesn't mean you have to. Yes, you should obviously be respectful to the child. But it is perfectly ok for you to not be crazy over the baby. Most grandparents love to babysit and do things with their grandkids. He likely will be one of them. That is fine, but he needs to find a way to do so that is still respectful of your feelings. If he wants to babysit, he needs to do so somewhere else and not try to force you to go too. There has to be some sort of middle ground. If you're going to have to compromise he should too.
I am childless and had a miscarriage, but my SDs are teens so I have a long way to go (hopefully) before they ever decide to have kids. While we get along and I will be happy for them, I know I'll also feel saddened too. All I can do is hope to be gracious (as you've been) and attempt to follow logic and my own advice.
Lots of (((HUGS))) to you.
Thank you Anon for your
Thank you Anon for your response. I really appreciate it. I will keep reading that scripture as well. I'm trying really hard to be understanding. When we got married, my husband got counseling for his daughter. So that was good, and he tries. She lied to me last night about tearing up the blinds in her room. Said it wasn't her. Well it wasn't me or my husband either. So, hopefully the counseling will help her with lying. Thank you for being so kind, but I'm not sure how gracious I am. I'm going to make myself scarce when his pregnant daughter comes around, or when she brings the baby until (and if) I can come to grips with it. My husband signed he and I up for counseling with our pastor yesterday. So I'm praying that will help too. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers too for your family and for your child to be born.
Thank you very much and I
Thank you very much and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers too!
Thank you Old Dart. I sure
Thank you Old Dart. I sure hope they don't start calling me Grandma in a year though. SIGH. I'm not even a mom. But I really appreciate your giving me insight to how things maybe be eventually. I'm going to make every effort to not be around to even be called Grandma. My husband knows I don't want to be involved at all. If I ever get caught off guard however, I will be civil, the baby can't help it. But for the most part I plan to be like the tooth fairy, never seen.
I'm in a similar situation
I'm in a similar situation myself. After four years of struggling with infertility, DH and I still haven't been able to conceive and my SD17 had a baby a few months ago. Not going to lie- it sucks. It hurts when I see DH holding the baby, talking to her and planning on buying baby things for SD or how great a mom she is, etc...
To his credit, DH doesn't bombard me with pictures, or stories about his GD. We disagree about 'what' I am. He thinks I should refer to her as my granddaughter,I don't. And I feel that's perfectly okay. It isn't the greatest situation in the world, but it's manageable as long as your DH respects your feelings and how you might be struggling in the whole deal.
Hello Buckeye Mommy. Oh my.
Hello Buckeye Mommy. Oh my. I'm sorry you've had such a struggle. I know that couldn't have been easy. And now your 17 yr old SD has a child? I know that must hurt. SIGH. I know also that you must be a very strong lady to still be there and endure. I'm trying and hope I can be as strong as you. I feel like getting back on Zoloft. I was on that when I had my first miscarriage. Made me not worry, and kept me from constantly rolling things over in my mind, and feeling anxious. We'll see. Our pastor is going to meet with my husband and I next week for counseling. I'm hoping that will help. Thank God your husband is sensitive to your feelings. Mine is too I must say. That is the only thing keeping me around. I told him that I could just go back to my old apartment, and he could live in the house with his daughter and spend time with his grandchild when/if he/she came around. But he's doing everything he can to keep me happy. So we will see. I will be praying for you. I hope you're blessed with your own child very soon.