Never wanted kids :(
Im new here and have been feeling so horrible about the way I've been thinking/feeling lately but after reading through this forum I realize I'm not alone and it's normal to feel this way. So background been together with other half for 8 months lived together for 3 (known each other 8 years and not first time we've dated last tried for a few months couple years ago) he has a 9yo daughter who we have every second weekend.
I've never wanted kids as I'm a career girl who values her freedom.
I had to move 2 hours away to live with him as he wouldnt move away from SD. I feel like ive lost my freedom and just keep giving up everything for her! Due to work i only get every second weekend with my partner and thats also her weekend. SD isn't a bad kid but she's so needy and clingy with my other half it's all got to be about her and if she's not centre of attention then she fakes being sick or pulls his attention off me. She never leaves us alone!!! He never gets her baby sat or will give her up for even people's 30ths etc. Or so we can go on a holiday.
I find her really annoying and I get so frustrated with her! I just want to enjoy time with my partner and not have this annoying attention seeking child in the way!
Your resentment will get
Your resentment will get worse..wait until the lovely teen years! I am SM, but they were much older when we met, and lived across country, so summer vacations and Christmas is when we all got together. I ended a relationship with someone I loved very much,(before my DH) because he had primary custody of 2 kids under 8, and I was not prepared nor did I want to be a FT SM, I made a choice to not have kids. What is funny now, is I have 3 grandkids, 2 close by, who we see all the time..they call me by my a nickname..and we have fun with them, and then we give them back...now that is fun..
stepmom_jd, It sounds like
stepmom_jd,
It sounds like you've made too many compromises for him that you are now regretting. Depending on your age, you may or may not have a hard time finding a good man without kids. In my fantasy land with unicorns and faries there is a 40-something man out there without kids, and with no major behavioral problems or weird attachment to his mother. And he is just waiting for me to pick him out once I realize that I don't want to live with an acne faced surly resentful socially inept teenage kid.
Why people think it is so simple to find a man without kids, I don't know. If people knew how hard I tried to find man without kids.
That said, dating a man with young kids or too many kids is not my thing, I've learned. Dating a man with an intrusive ex wife is also not my thing. And I've changed that.
And I will not move two hours away to be with a man. My career comes first, it has too.
To clarify we moved into a
To clarify we moved into a completely new house together and no we get the same amount of time together as he has with her. So we are a new relationship and yet all our time together is spent as an instant family we need our time as a couple too. It's not as easy as walking away I love him and no it's not easy finding men without kids over 30.
I have said that exact same
I have said that exact same thing. I have never known him without kids and we never got that special couple bonding time. I never got to feel like his number one priority because I have been fifth or fourth because we have four skids. He has said before you knew what you were gettign into I was very upfront. Yes of course he was and that is what initially attracted me to him but that is like teling someone with kids well you knew what you were getting into. No one knows what they are getting into.
I dont have kids of my own
I dont have kids of my own and never wanted any. I just have never had that feeling. I understand what you are going through because I feel the same. I feel like with every second and every breath I am getting older and older. What I mean by that is I dont feel 24 I feel 64 because we dont do anything! We have my four skids full time except for every other weekend between 9-530 which BM always likes to skip. My BF does get them a sitter sometime but if we go do something he feels guilty for leaving them at home......so you dont want to spend time alone not being clinged to and needed every five seconds. I just want peace and quiet and other adults why does it always have to be the kids everything. I know some great couples with great kids who have date nights and getaways they dont feel guilty. ugh idk but i feel your pain
Well marriage/defacto
Well marriage/defacto relationships are all
About compromise. So why doesn't he compromise and swap his weekends over
which if BM will work around for the first swap should suit everyone. If he changes his weekend to match the one you work, you don't have to spend your one free weekend with
Sd. Dad gets to have her to himself the entire weekend and you both get time together on your free weekend without Sd.