Don't walk. RUN! Especially if he hasn't even told his family he proposed to you, my DH drove straight to his parent's house after we got engaged and then posted it on FB even though we were going to wait on going that public. He told me he wanted to "Shout it from the roof tops! But FB was the next best thing."

The kid has 12 out of 14 days to look at that album. Suddenly she needs to take it to Daddy's? The mother did that deliberately and I'm guessing that grandma told the mother about your comment on the picture in grandmas home.

You'll never be a full time partner in this family which consists of grandma, mother, father and daughter and others. Your presence will be accepted but you're not a voting member so to speak.

Plus you can't stand to be constantly reminded of his previous roll in the hay your fiancé had with the girls mother. This relationship is doomed. Admit to your fiancé that you made a mistake, take the blame to avoid any arguments, and leave as soon as practical.

Find a guy without children. There are plenty of them out there especially at your age. I know its tough tossing out the dreams but isn't it clear that nobody else in this story has any dreams at all? If they do you're only a peripheral part of them. You're not wanted by most of them and as for your fiancé I suspect you're just another roll in the hay.

Why hasn't he (OR YOU) told his family that you are engaged?

Disrespected?? How? Oh right because you are assuming the photo album had something to do with you. I do think you should walk, but only because you will never reconcile with these feelings. Also, five years is a little too long engagement period. I wouldnt waste another moment. You are young enougb to find a nice man without children. It's an easier feat than wishing away someone's child.

Ok so you've been together for 5 years and you are still struggling to accept his past.
First thing I need to ask here is have you talked to him about it? And I dont mean in terms of about the photos, the step daughter or stemming from any disagreement or argument. But have you ever rationally sat down and talked to him about the fact that sometimes you struggle to deal with his past?
Fortunately I didnt have to deal with any marriage. My partner and my SD's BM were dating from their teens, it was a complete accidental pregnancy when neither of them were living together nor with any intention to at that time. They tried to do the right thing, it didnt work, they separated when SD was only a few months old.
Even so, sometimes I had a hard time in dealing with it. I knew he had a child from when we first met, at that point he had full custody, but it was only really when we moved in together that I realised how tricky it can be to deal with sometimes.
But we talked about it, alot.
Most of the time I was fine with it, but my god somedays it was a nightmare, so what did we do? We talked, honestly and openly about everything and anything that was at that moment giving any tiny bit of annoyance. We talked about the past, some things in more detail than I ever thought I would want to know but for whatever reason at those points I needed to hear everything and in turn I told everything about anything he asked.
If you and your fiance cannot openly communicate then its not going to work, any relationship will fail if theres not proper communication let alone the more complicated ones.
As for a five year engagement, why five years? Were you intending on having a long engagement? Was it a get engaged and save up for the wedding type thing?

Ultimately you cannot control the MIL, dont be too concerned, most people dont like their MIL's anyway so you arent missing out on much.
The photo album, meh its tricky, to me I wouldnt like it, but then my SD has baby photos here of only her and her dad, any with BM in were handed over or thrown away by my partner. We have a fair amount of photos up in the house, I like photos, my step mother used to always have recent photos on display when we were growing up and I want my SD to have that as well. But we didnt really bother with photo albums until we were much older.

The one thing that really sticks out to me is that you have already stated that you feel like you are being disrespected and you have already stated that you are thinking about leaving, which makes me wonder whether you are at a point that you want to attempt to salvage something from this relationship or whether you have already decided to go but are looking for support?
Trust your gut, if theres a part of you that is already honestly saying to you that the best thing to do is to leave then go, there is no point in complicating the situation further for you, your fiance or his daughter by dragging it out.

The only thing that really upsets me is that he hasn't told his family you're engaged?

The FMIL thing. She's a total bitch. It's her home, and she can have pictures of whomever she chooses. BUT, she should have common sense enough to take them down when you're in her home.

The photo album thing. It's weird, but SD sounds a little immature. (I have a seven year old, and there's no WAY he's carrying around any baby pics), and maybe BM is manipulative, but let that go. My skids spent the entire summer with us. There were framed pictures of BM with the kids everywhere (and we live in a tiny ass apartment in a city).

If you want to sign up to be a stepmom, there are going to be TONS of things that annoy the SHIT out of you. The question is, do you love this guy enough to grin and bear it, let small things go, and love and want to see SD become a lovely young woman. If you don't, leave. There's no harm in that, and you're "losing" or admitting defeat if it's not for you.

I will say DH and I didn't tell everyone when we first got engaged. However, we had discussed it and wanted certain things to be done first (moving, etc) though once that was done we announced...though again we discussed he want just trying to hide it for unknown reasons.

But honestly I agree with above you need to just let go.

At least she didn't rub the album into your face as you asked to see what she had there.My ex stepdaughter would in this age manipulatively shown it off to see a reaction- brat! The other thing is that you guys have her only 2 days out of the fortnight.You are very lucky!! What my concern is though is that he didn't share your engagement with his family.This is a worry.

Do not marry this man!!! Just don't do it! Aside from the fact he has hasn't told anyone about your engagement, being a SM is hard work and you feelings will only get more convoluted with time.

Get out while you can! Do not become a step parent.

That's freaky that your future mominlaw has the BM framed ....

A few months ago, I found ss12 had a photo album on his desk, full of the BM preggo pics, and BM holding baby after the c section. I was appalled by it, and I spoke to my fiance about it. I told him when we moved, that it needed to back to his BM's house and I didn't need pictures of her in our new home where we were going to be. My fiances mom obviously made it for him, probably a few years ago. But I was like eww?? This is not welcome in my home. So, after I cried and we spoke about it, it was fine, my fiance didn't have a care for it, made it clear it was his sons and that it was no problem. BUT ....we just moved a month ago and my future motherinlaw packed most of ss12 things so I know that damn album is around here somewhere and I am going to pitch it out when I find it.

My concern...he hasn't told anyone that he proposed?? That really scares me.

FMIL sounds a little weird. I agree with some other posts that think the FMIL told the BM that the BM pic bothered you. BM probably had a heyday with this and directed her anger and issues about her life into that photo album. There is some family sickness going on and I think you need to get out. If you don't and you think you love this man then I suggest getting some counseling for your personal support while you adapt to this new life. It is very tricky and treacherous becoming a step mom. You will be expected to do everything a mother does and yet you will not receive any gratitude. I suggest that you no longer voice your opinion about the album or the BM to anyone in that family. Ignore it. It will suck, but any pain you express about your situation will be used against you. Best of wishes to you.

As I have gotten older, I have realized that life is too short to put up with people who treat me like crap. I would severely limit my time with the MIL if I were you. Sounds like she has this perfect image of your BF's ex, and you will never compete. As for the little girl, first of all I would put the photo album away when she comes to visit, and give it back to her when she leaves. Maybe you can replace it with a special book she might like, or another toy? If it is too much though, you can always find other things to do when she comes to visit--a nice day at the spa, a getaway with friends. I would also seriously reconsider if you want to marry a man who is afraid to stand up to his mom. Seriously, he hasn't even told them you are engaged? That is a big red flag!