I'm in my early 30's and childless.

I HATE the "kid lifestyle". Did not grow up wanting them. I think if I had, it would be able to embrace it more.

I'm 30 and childless but have skids every weekend too. I asked dh once before for one weekend every two months. I was met with a big fat no! I wish dh knew how tough it is. I'm past wanting to go out to bars with my friends at the weekends where they drink themselves silly but would love to have a skid free weekend every now and again. It's my bday next Saturday. My 30th. I have dropped not so subtle hints about wanting to go for dinner just him and i. He hasn't said anything about it so guess well see what will happen. I think it's because they're not our kids. That's a big part of it for me. Things I absolutely can not tolerate that ss does. For example in the car ss demands to be involved in every conversation. He will ask what did you say to everything dh asks me. I get so annoyed. This was not tolerated when I was a kid and even if I'm in the car with my parents now at 30 I would never do it.

Over Christmas we were all at my parents. Ss and dh play fight all the time, again really irritates me. Were a sitting around with my family and because ss isn't centre of attention he just starts hitting dh to get him to play fight. Realky pissed me off and could see my family were annoyed too. Probably wouldn't annoy me so much if it was my own kid I guess.

Wow, every weekend? Forget that! I hope you can get that cut down to 3 weekends a month. If not, you definitely have to have a talk with your SO about getting a babysitter once a month to have a date night. Also, plan your own things when they are there. You are not obligated to these kids in anyway, except to step in if there is a life-threatening situation. And eat that ice cream!

This is purely a mamallian thing IMHO. I had exactly the same response to my Skid's presence when his mom and first started dating. He was a great kid. A cute little tow headed quit mellow toddler. I liked him very very much but his mere presence just revolted me.

I can only explain it as a refulsion to having someone elses spawn in my space while I was starting a relationship with my bride. I have no biobrood so the Skid is the only kid in our marriage.

It was like an Animal Planet specical about a lion pride where a new male takes over and cannot tolerate the young spawn of his predicessor. The good news is that we are not animals. We may be mammals but we have the benefit of intellect and choice. My choice was to engage with him. I knew that his mom was someone very special and to have a future with her I would have to make a future with him too. So I engaged. When we were out and about I carried him on my shoulders. He rode on my shoulders with a content grin on his little toddler face. I chased him through restaurant play scapes, we chased ducks on the golf course together, his mom and I walked with him between us holding his hands and swinging him. Before long I was just dad and he was just my kid. Sure, I occassionally relected on my pre blended family life and missed parts of it but at least in my case both the lady and kid turned out to be a major blessing in my life.

Engage, it may work for you as it did for me.

FYI- My wife is the NCP and we had SS-22 24/7 except for furing Sperm Clan visitation. 5wks summer, 1wk winter, 1wk spring from when we started dating when he was 15mos until he turned 18.

Hi Doglady,

Nothing you have said is selfish. In fact you come across as a really calm, practical and accepting person. And hats off to you for knowing yourself so well at 30! I have 10 years on you and I think you are articulating your feelings far better than I am.

Like you, my skids are good mostly. And like you I don't do the chores for them, so you and I do have it better than most here. I only have them 50/50, but I'm finding living with someone else's family so alien, like I've landed in someone else's life, and it's not a good 'fit'.

I try to do other things on skid weekends, but I don't have many friends (new area and very shy). My DH is my best friend, and I miss our relationship when the skids arrive. I will force myself to find new hobbies and friends this year, but I know in my heart that this is partly to find new escapes, and I sort of resent that. And I wonder if DH and I will become even more distant if I escape so often.

Please do the things you want to do. Be selfish all you like. As a great man once said, "This above all- to thine own self be true".

Enjoy your weekend Doglady.

I hear you! My DH also has his two precious ones EVERY WEEKEND and random weeks when BM dumps them on us.

I NEVER wanted children, and it is beyond frustrating to try and get through every weekend without killing one of them. I am completely "disengaged" but that doesn't stop them from driving me crazy. DH imposes no rules, no boundaries, no consequences, and I honestly don't see me here five years from now . . but . .

Main point is, you are NOT alone, you are NOT crazy, and you are NOT wrong or selfish. I have learned a lot from this website (mainly that I am not an evil person). I hate them being in my room, I LOATHE them being in my bed, I hate them touching my stuff - I know what it's like!

Worst thing is holidays - my family and friends can't stand DH and the SS (SD is a wonderful little girl), and every holiday is a stressful dance of how I can see those that I love, but still appease him to keep peace at home. I more and more have been spending time with friends/family on weekends - I've just gotten to the point where I don't care. I'm going without them, and . . they need to get over it. Same thing with vacations - I STRESS because he wants to take them to Disney, to the Caribbean - sorry there DH, but they didn't come from my body, and I am not paying MY hard earned money to take THEM on vacation. Vacation with children ceases to be a vacation. So I have to lie, and finagle, and . . it's sad how we have to live, isn't it?

My weekends, my holidays, vacations . . everything is an intricate deceitful dance to try and not have to take the skids. Don't get me wrong, they get their time - they get taken to all kinds of fun places, they get vacations, they really have a great life. But . . I hate that EVERY WEEKEND and EVERY HOLIDAY of my life, I have to go out of my way to enjoy life. It shouldn't be like this. :sick: