My SD10 is a monster too. How long is she with you? We have 50/50, but as she has gotten older, she prefers BMs house. No hurting our feelings here when DH and I hear this. In fact, he has been letting her spend more time over there. 

Yes, SD is DRAMA. She comes to our house and says "My Mom threatened to hit me agaiiiin!" Me: "Well what were you doing?" "I told her I didn't want to take a bath. I mean I was goinggggg to later." She is a total brat. I can tell DH is tired of her too. 

What does your DH say? We are preganant as well. Expecting in April. No surprise here, she has been a total brat about the baby too. Says "he's annoying" "I don't want him using MY bathroom" "he's going to take all of the attention from me" "I don't have to help if I don't want. He's YOUR job" Yeah, I don't want her around my child either. Fingers crossed when our babies get here they won't want to come over anymore. 

I really hear you. I find it interesting that we can fall in love with people whose offspring are really unlikeable. My OH has his flaws, which if it were just the 2 of us, are totally ok in a marriage. I'd say mildly annoying but greatly outweighed but the wonderful positive ones. Nobody's perfect, after all. But his kids? Mean, sneaky, lazy little liars. Disgusting hygiene. Don't even try to improve or develop in any way. I actually detest them as people, they have zero values that I would respect as decent human beings, making allowances for them being still young and learning about the world. How old does someone need to be before they understand why it's important to wash hands after a pee? 13??!!  SD is 13, I'm absolutely washing my hands haha of any responsibility for when her periods start. She has armpit hair like a German in the 1970s and only shaves when her father points it out. Like can't she smell the body odour? Goodness knows everyone else can!! She is utterly clueless and un-self aware.   No way in hell I'm washing stained panties and bedding when that starts. She's a little b**** to her brother, mentally tormenting him, always hitting him when she thinks no one's looking. I despise her. As for the SS: entitled, spoilt and pampered as the apple of his father's eye.  Chores? Oh poor waddle boy of 10, Daddy will make it all better and do those for you cos your life is soooooo hard, while you sit on your little skinny ass and play those video games you enjoy so much for 7 hours a day. I wouldn't spit on that kid if he was on fire. Yet my OH is other respects is kind, funny, great around the house, has nice friends, is not a pushover in other areas of his life and a thoroughly decent human being.  Weird, isn't it? God forbid that anything would happen to him. But I know that if it did, I would move on with my life and be glad not to be involved with those kids ever again (his sister would be their guardians). Useless mouth breathers with nothing to redeem them.  Happy lockdown Christmas! 

I used to hate seeing SD struggle when she was younger. Then I realized I was the only one putting effort into this child and DH would sit back and relax while I was trying to "parent". All the meanwhile BM was on to boyfriend after boyfriend, only trying to be BFF to SD. 

Her hygeine sucks. She doesn't wash her hair properly and doesn't use body wash in the shower. She doesn't put dirty clothes in the laundry room, so she just ends up wearing dirty clothes all over again because she is so lazy. I have told DH that I'm not going to do his job for him. He has stepped up to try to parent her. NOW he is not in denial about her anymore since he sees it first hand. The lying, manipulating, laziness, etc. She puts forth zero effort. That's why I don't think he minds anymore when SD wants extra time at BM. Sadly it seems like he's tired of it too. Crazy how in a couple of years he went from "Let's try to get full custody" to "Sure, stay an extra weekend at BM". 

We have a baby otw and I don't have time to "babysit" her anymore. Over the last few months, I've either had her start to do stuff on her own or get in the habit of "go ask your dad." Hungry? You can make yourself something in the kitchen. Need help with school? Ask dad. Want to call your mom? Ask dad. I'm over it. 

DH parents are the SAME when they come around. She ruined a beach vacation with them last year. All of her cousins went on the subsequent trip in the Fall. SD10 was uninvited. Not surprised. It's sad when her own family members feel the same. But hey, it's obvious it's not "us".

Do what I have always done: get outta there when stepkid is over. 
When my SS was younger, and stayed EOW, I stayed at my parents house the whole weekend. It was brilliant. They lived in a more central suburb in our greater metropolitan city. So, I had a wonderful time catching up with friends who lived in those areas. 
Now that I have a toddler, I still hang out with friends for the greater part of the afternoon / evening.

I have had so many ups and downs with my 3 SSs (now 19, 23 & 26). They have spent a lot of time living with me and their Dad as their BM seriously lacks maternal instinct so I think they've also felt more comfortable with us. I feel like there's always a stage where I'm in battle with one of them. Currently it's the middle one who's become alcohol dependent and prone to emotional/aggressive outbursts. I'm generally a mild-mannered person but things came to a head and him and I got into it on Christmas eve. A real shouting match with lots of expletives. I'm not proud of my actions and should have known better but when you're feeling goaded everyone has a breaking point. I feel terribly sorry for my husband who felt caught in the middle but in some ways I hold him responsible for allowing this untenable situation to continue. He allowed this son to move back into our house a year ago against my wishes and it's been nothing but drama ever since. Ultimately, it's hard to have unconditional love for a step-child. I understand that my husband wants to support his kids in times of difficulty and, if they were my bio-kids, I would probably feel the same. The problem is, you end up enabling their dysfunction when you don't get firm with them. They're not horrible kids and having been in their lives for the past 11 years, I do feel some affection for them (not love but I care about them!). They situation has just really put my marriage to the test and if I had to do it all over again, I'm honestly not sure that I would. The older two are about to move out and get a flat together. The youngest has lived with his mother full-time for the last few years. I thought as they got older things woud get easier but really it's just raised new and different issues. I live in hope that when they are settled with their own families, things will begin to settle and I may be able to enjoy a relationship with any step-grandchildren. I love my husband and am not prepared to leave my marriage, I've invested too much! These forums help a lot to vent and to see that you're not alone. Happy New Year everyone!

Hi all, 

I have come here because I feel lost. I have a 15yr old daughter from a previous relationship and my partner has 2 sons age 7 and 11 from his previous relationship. We have been together for 6 years. Over the last 12 months the boys have been staying with us more and more frequently to the point we are having them about 70% of the time. My partner doesn't understand my frustration at him paying there mother more than double the cs he should and doesn't understand my need for a break from his kids who are grating on me more and more recently so much that I am beginning to feel resentment towards them. The previous couple of years my daughter has been really difficult and my partner often would become angry at how I dealt with situations and would tell me he disliked her at times. Now the tables have turned and his kids the older one mainly have become rude and obnoxious and are completely disrespectful to me despite the fact I do more for them than their own mother. She drops them of early picks them up late and recently we have only managed to have 1 night where she has them both but even then its always less than 24hrs before there back. He makes me feel like I am being a witch when I get irritated for the mess they leave everywhere that I clean up. Whenever I question their behaviour he always justifies it by saying there not as bad as my daughter. I don't know what to do, we came close to ending things recently but that's not what either of us really want. I just want respect from his kids who I bend over backwards to do things for all the time. 

It cannot happen soon enough.  Hopefully it will include some need for medical treatment and even better, some facial reconstructive surgery.

Bullies understand only one thing. Pain.  It is imperative that the target of the bully deliver so much pain, pain far above anything the bully has or would do, that the bully will gain instant clarity that they will suffer pain, disfigurement, public humiliation, and social isolation for their choice to be a bully in the first place.

I was that kid who bullies targeted.  I was smart, tall, decent looking, and easy going.  I hated conflict and fighting.  I was also the new kid on the block and at school a number of times after 4th grade.  I went to two elementary schools, 3 different Jr. Highs and two different High Schools.  I offer this history not as a sob story.  I had a great international experience growing up.  It just happened to include some experiences with bullies. Usually one or two at each different school I attended.

It took a while but eventually I figured out that getting hit hurts.  Getting bullied hurts.  It can hurt physically, it does hurt emotionally, and it can hurt socially.  So, I arrived at the conclusion that if I was going to hurt, the bully would just have to hurt worse.  

The watershed moment occurred in 8th grade when I was targeted by a couple of bullies.  Interestingly one of them was a guy I had gone to school with for several years.  5th-8th grades.  It was at a point where I had grown tired of just blending in and had started to aggressively compete in sports.  He was a noted track athlete.  During the track and field phase of gym class that year I finally decided I would no longer run at the back of or in the middle of the pack and I started winning just about every event.  That pissed him off.  One afternoon just after lunch I was meandering around the court yard outside of the cafeteria.  Along with everyone else who was socializing while waiting for the bell to ring to go back to class.  My friends had a different lunch period than I had so I was alone.  Next thing I know, I am on the ground after having had the track star jump on my back after a high speed run across the courtyard.  As I stood up, with skinned knees, ripped jeans, and bloody palms with pea gravel stuck in them, a second kid did the same thing and I was again on the ground on my hands and knees.  As I stood up the second time I drove off of my legs and hit the second kid square in the middle of his lower lip/chin area with a very powerful punch at which point his lower lip exploded into two flaps that hung down on either side of his now very loose teeth.   I then turned to the first guy who backed up with his hands up and then took off running.

That was the end of me being a passive target for bullies.  After that it was a very painful and usually bloody thing for bullies to target me.  The kid I hit had to have reconstructive work done to his face and teeth.  Interestingly, I was called to the Principal's office where I was asked "Who the hell are you?".  The Principal had my file open on his desk and proceeded to comment that I made decent grades, was never a problem, and all of my teachers enjoyed having me in class.  Then he asked "So, what the hell happened.".  I told him, he laughed and sent me to class then suspended the other two guys.

Bullies have only one place IMHO, and that is in the hospital contemplating their bad decisions to be a bully as they wait for surgery.

Parents who do not assertively end the choices of their own children to be bullies, are idiots IMHO. Their bully children deserve what they will get.... in Spades.

Good luck.  Hopefully your bully SKid gets her comeuppance soon and very painfully.