Contemplating Divorce
New here on ST and glad I found a place where I feel comfortable to vent. Got married to my DH 3 months ago and together 3.5 years. SD lives with us 50% of the time. I am having regrets. I dread the weekends SD is at our house. SKID has been spoiled her whole life, never told no and if she is she will slam her door, start kicking it and then throwing things in her room/ sometimes outside of the room until she gets what she wants. She is too old for trantrums. DH was bringing her breakfast in bed on a platter every morning, she was eating bedtime snacks (in bed) at night, leaving her food mess everywhere (disgusting rotten apples), coming out of her room after bedtime routine was over multiples times to interrupt us on the couch. I finally put my foot down after way too long with this behavior, because I couldn't take it any longer. I wish that I could have a true honeymoon phase with my DH without SD. It is so peaceful when she is not around. He wants to spend as much time as possible with her and gets upset if I'm not around when she is, but I truly can't stand her for more than 3 hours. Obviously I knew going into it that I was getting married to a man who has a daughter but no matter how hard I try I get anxiety when she is at our house. I envy all of the people I know who are in relationships with no kids or kids that are much older and out of the house already. Feel like I am going crazy.
How old is SD? Do you know why DH wants you around when she is
How old is SD? Do you know why DH wants you around when she is there? Does he expect you to parent, or to act as a buffer? She is there to spend time with her Dad and with 50/50 custody her time there should be fairly normal. He shouldn't be entertaining her all the time. And there is no reason for you to have to stick around just because she is there. If you want to stay busy during the weeks she is there and less busy when she is not there, that sounds like the perfect plan!
You need to have a serious,
You need to have a serious, calm sit-down discussion with your DH about how YOU see things and feel about the way it's going. Be very careful not to focus on the SD or him. Think about what YOU need to keep going; regular routine, time on your own, not your kid, etc. What are you willing to do? Have dinner together, fix a meal now and then, help him buy her needed items, etc. Get your boundaries straight for yourself so you can iterate them to him.
I did this and my DH and I are still together. We did have some pretty amazing fights/arguments, but all that resulted in me disengaging more and more. BUT he and I have a good relationship overall. That's what kept me in it. If my DH didn't eventually come to terms with my decisions about how my interactions with SDs would go (virtually none at this point) I likely wouldn't have stayed. Separate finances, you are not a disciplinarian, you are not a mother, you do not provide only fun and treats, you have your own schedule.
Does he ever picture grand
Does he ever picture grand kids in his future? Because if he does and keeps waiting hand and foot on widdle Princess poopy pants , no man will have her and you will be stuck with her hanging on forever.
No shame in getting out now. Cut your losses and leave this $hitshow in rear view mirror.
He can't parent like this and be a normal functioning spouse.
Your DH is a nauseating level
Your DH is a nauseating level shit parent. His has his nose so far up his spawn's ass that his head is likely not visible at all.
You married with some level of expectation of commitment, focus, and prioritization by your DH. If he is proving to be incapable of delivering to those reasonable expectations, pull the plug, get an annullment and get on with your life with this failed kid butt sniffing daddy and his failed family breeding mistake fading in your past.
Enjoy recommiting to living your best life.
Take care of you.
IMHO of course.
Do you expect him to give up hid DD
and have kids with you? Where your and his kid. Baby will come first. Baby's need there parents. SD will have a fit when she figures that one out .