Chronicles of the Longest Summer
Vent- please commiserate!
Working from home thanks to COVID. SD14 miniwife has been in full control this summer. Disengaging is EXTREMELY CHALLENGING!!!
She is up DH's butt 24/7, which of course he loves. We finally broke them of their horrible sleep routine of sleeping until 4-5 and staying awake all night, running around, trashing the house, eating all the food so we wake up to a war zone. But now her routine consists of waking up when we wake up (literally not a moment of peace), planting herself RIGHT NEXT to DH at the dining room table (where we both used to work from home but I've since moved to the patio), and singing, doing her ridiculous laugh every 3 minutes at Tik Tok videos, squealing "omg that's so funny," begging DH to make her snacks, begging DH to play with her.... I'm wearing ear plugs and I can still hear her squeal the second I get lost in my work.
Drives me BONKERS!!!
Bonus- now that she's no longer sleeping through the day, she gets tired and grouchy by about 7 pm, much like a toddler. Part of my disengaging is still doing things that bring me joy like cooking for others. So after a stressful day yesterday and becoming tired of the filthy house, I kicked skids & DH out to go play a game they like outside while I cleaned & cooked. Had the skids favorite meal set up outside with our yard lights, tiki torches, music, so relaxing! Well, SD wasn't hungry and no longer likes the "favorite meal." Gave me attitude when I kindly asked her to take her shoes off since I just mopped. Spent the whole dinner on her phone & protesting the food. DH took no action, of course. In bed last night DH got a text from daughter in her room asking him to make food for her. HELP ME.
Oh my! Commiserations indeed!
Oh my! Commiserations indeed! Takes me back 4 years when when I had a newborn baby and my son who was 14 years at the time had to learn to sink or swim in the food department.
I think the conversation went roughly like this - there’s plenty of food in the fridge eat it or go hungry (I would make one dinner in the evening so no one would starve).
Its difficult being around people 24/7 at the moment. Very difficult!
Yes, some of these summers are endless
Does she have any friends? I realize with covid thsts tricky. You must be going crazy. Sorry!!
Yes, there is a great group
Yes, there is a great group of kids her age who live in our cul de sac and who regularly interact (groups of less than 10 are allowed here). Unfortunately, she thinks she's better than them and refuses to hang out with them.
We have a good bond with our neighborhood kids so they chat with us and hang out around our garage. If DH is talking to them, she will go out there. But otherwise she won't give them the time of day. (She's not shy whatsoever, she's just extremely rude to them. From her perspective, she's an adult and, more specifically, Dad's partner/equal. So she won't be bothered with the "kids" here. As she has said, "they're lame.")
Sounds very tiring. I feel
Sounds very tiring. I feel for you.
DH?
You said your DH loves it. He never finds it annoying? The reason i ask is that when my DH and I could vent to each other ("God, She's driving me crazy:" "How many more weeks?"), it helped me cope. When he was in total Disney Dad worship mode, i felt alone
He's totally been in Disney
He's totally been in Disney Dad mode, which is exactly the same experience for me- very isolating. He has brief moments when he will snap at SD but then he will feel bad and go chasing after her. He will snap out of Disney mode soon I'm sure, but, like you expressed I just hate the isolation/disconnect during times like these. It's like vicious cycle.
Mealtime
I used to get aggravated when I'd fix a meal and somebody would whine that they didnt like it. Now that i read Steptalk, i realize i should have just said, okay, make yourself a sandwich. What actually happened is that my DH would give the kid fast food money (within walking distance of our house). I stopped caring, if he wanted to blow his money on that, whatever. A couple of the SKs wete picky eaters, one still is.
But at least they weren't asking for special food after he was in bed, as you have. Ugh.
You have a DH problem
No wonder you are going crazy!!!!!
To fix it - well you have to get on DH. If you just wanted a vent sesh, cool, you will find open ears here.
I had a mini-wife sitch when first entering relationship. SDnow21 hated that a new woman, The Girlfriend, had higher status than her and tried to control everything she could. Being demoted meant that she stayed in her room and came out at night, a habit she still has. At her mothers.
SD14, as sweet as she is, has mini-wife tendencies. I have started getting anxiety when its her week. At the end of the week I am very ready for her to leave. Shes 14, so it could be hormones, or it could be her tendencies to shadow her father and ask inane questions and cut off any conversations that we are having, to divert to something about her or her insterests.
I would get a bit angry if SD texts or demands to be made a special dinner. Heck to the no.
Girl, I feel your pain. SD is
Girl, I feel your pain. SD is 15 and a total mini wife. She is now staying with us full time and is constantly up SO's butt. He loves it too and feels the need to baby her and give her every second of his attention. She doesn't pick up after herself, is loud and generally annoying. I don't even get to sit next to SO on the couch anymore at night. Let's just say I won't be here much longer.
I've Been There
Oh my gosh, it sounds a lot like my life. My DH is currently in Disney Dad mode. We were supposed to have the kids up to our cottage this weekend, but, when SD17 said she didn't want to go there, DH blames me, and says I ruined the whole weekend? He would rather take it out on me then to admit his SD is a spoiled brat. So my SS15 didn't get to come to the cottage either.
Anything SD wants, she gets. Total mini wife.
I've subjected to myself to this for so long, I was numb. Now I am realizing, although it will cost me marriage, my sanity is far more important. In fact, my DH recently said to me, he can't be a good father and good husband at the same time? If that doesn't sum up my life, I don't know what will.
Sounds Like My SD13!
She is always coming around on Tik Tok, or loudly squealing, or asking ridiculous questions of DH. She loves to over-talk me whenever I'm talking, and say "DUH!" whenever I point out things that she hadn't thought of. Okay, so that last part is definitely just a teenage thing. But she has bad BO, and "mustifies" my bed (which she climbs into whenever I'm away, or when her dad is in the room).
Soooooo annoying!
Teen thing?
I disagree. This crap has nothing to do with the toxic spawn being a teen and everything to do with the toxic spawn being the product of crappy parenting.
smh
I woud rub her dad's nose in the stench of his crappy parenting and let him know that your tolerance for the product of his crappy parenting as well as its cause is very very limited.
He fixes it, or they are both gone.
IMHO of course.