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Bio Mom with 2 Kids. HELP!!!

Bio Mom with 2 Kids Please Help's picture

Submitted by Bio Mom with 2 ... on Thu, 02/25/2016 - 9:17pm

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Bio Child Free Zone

I am a mother of two kids 5yr son and 12yr daughter. I have been with my girlfriend for almost 4 years and she is unhappy that I have children. She says that she wishes I never had children before I met her. She does not spend time with my kids and everything is "They are your kids". My kids are not bad kids and even she says they are not bad kids. They do not get into trouble at all nor do they give her a hard time. They tell her they love her and she ignores them. I want to have another baby but I tell her I will not have a baby with her because the foundation with my kids is not set. I buy Birthday and Christmas gifts and she doesn't even remember their birthdays nor help me plan them. She says she can help me pick up my son when she has time and even then sh tries to put it off on somebody else. I tell her all the time if you spend time with them the connection will come but after 4 yrs things haven't changed and she hasn't tried. I moved from Arizona to AL to be with her and she is still talking about what the other parent doesn't do but she said when we move things may be different because she didn't want to step on the other parent shoes and over step her boundaries while the other parent was around. Am I wrong for thinking 4yrs is ample time to get to know my children and maybe start to have some kind of connection with them???

furkidsforme's picture

Submitted by furkidsforme on Thu, 02/25/2016 - 9:36pm

Uh.... your partner is not interested in parenting your kids. I'm guessing at some point in your courtship, there some misunderstanding about what your roles or family life would be like.

Seems like this is working for her. If it's not working for you, then I guess you two have a lot to talk about.

PS- I don't parent my DH's kids at all, and I've been around since the youngest was 4. Granted, it's been a hard time and we came close to splitting a few times over the kids. But we did best when I STOPPED trying to have any say.

WTF...REALLY's picture

Submitted by WTF...REALLY on Thu, 02/25/2016 - 10:30pm

Your 12 year old says "I love you " to a step parent that pays them no attention????

Something is very a miss here.

Amcc13's picture

Submitted by Amcc13 on Fri, 02/26/2016 - 12:51am

I think you all ready know the answer - most of us here started out trying too hard and trying to forge a connection
We are good and nice people - usually who after a pile of crap disengage
She has said already from the start she wishes you don't have kids - this was never going to work
That will not change

And honestly ? What kind of life are your children seeing?
Moved away from one parent so there mother can chase like a puppy after some one who won't even acknowledge they exist ???

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Fri, 02/26/2016 - 5:57am

The fact of a blended relationship is that there are kids. Either resident or non-resident in the relationship home. If your SO will not come to grips with the unequivocal fact that you have children... then she is not the one to try to build a life as equity life partners with.

IMHO of course.

Good luck.