Don't sell your home, DO NOT DO IT.

Welcome to step talk and please stay with us for at least 6 months and read, read, read and read all posts before making a life time commitment.

The child is 6 years old...

You’ll see nothing but regret for those who sold their homes for these situations. Don’t do it!! If they move in, you may regret that move as well.

If you are committed I might consider renting your house out and moving into a more modest rented place with your boyfriend and his son. That way you can get somewhere that both of you can afford to split the cost of evenly (or your boyfriend pays slightly more as he will have a kid there). This is not for the sake of the child but your sanity so that you do not feel taken advantage of.

Do not worry about the boy and his tantrums. I would worry about how his dad is handling them though. He needs to be nixing the boy’s anxieties in the bud rather than letting them fester by giving the boy power over where he stays. If he is refusing to do anything to ease the issue now then I do not see him doing anything to make things work in the future when this or other issues come up.

You post radiated with me.

Miss, boys need their dads. They certainly need dads more than 2 x's a month and part of summer.

If dad can have his boy more than eow at HIS place, you will see a turn for the better with his little one.

My suggestion is to slightly step back...let dad and his son increase more time and watch the positive outcome all the way around.

OR step back and find a man who has no kids.

JMO and I wish you the best.

EXACTLY what BethAnne said. Kids will have tantrums, but if the parent(s) don't correct it. Dont do it, I would not consider moving them in unless you see Dad correcting the behavior and being stern. Otherwise, where will it end? Starts with your house, then his room, then the food. You will feel trapped in your own home when the SS is there.

Take the kid out of the equation for a minute.

If you aren't ready to get engaged because something is holding you back, why would you even consider living together? If you aren't ready to marry, just keep dating. And living apart. See if the thing endures. What's the rush to live together?

What is it with everyone thinking shacking up is somehow "safer" or easier to undo than marriage? It really isn't. Is it even fair to the kid to move him in when you two aren't sure it will last? For the kid, you two breaking up would be the same as divorce - he'd have to move, maybe change schools, you'd suddenly be out of his life. Why put the kid in that situation if you aren't committed yet?

Have some self control and do this right. You've lived without him all this time. Live without him until you are so sure that you'd marry him and then move in together.

If he's not good enough (yet) to marry, he shouldn't be good enough to move into your house. And that solves the problem with the kid not wanting to move into your house too.

I had a similar situation, my girlfriend asked me to move in with her and her son lived there at the time. I refused as we didn't really get along and still don't, consequently we still have our own places.... 7 years on.

Would I have like things to be different... Yes. But they are what they are and not from my doing

Do not jump into anything you may regret big time.

Polendina, I honestly think you are in a losing situation here. And I would highly discourage you from even thinking of engagement or marriage with this man. Here's why ...

There is a LOOOONGGG road ahead before this six-year-old reaches adulthood. Adulthood if he launches at a reasonable age, that is. There are a lot of kids who don't launch and are still around well into their 20s and 30s. If you had a crystal ball and could see this kid still living with you, in YOUR house, 20 years from now with his father's enabling it - what would you do NOW?

There is plenty for your BF to gain in this situation and plenty for you to give up. You will be giving up your say-so in your house, especially with a petulant six-year old who appears to be calling the shots. You will give up your privacy. Before you know it, you will give up your priority in your relationship because once you have them all move in you will see first-hand, on a daily basis, that your BF's son is his priority. As the father of a small son, that is his responsibility but you need to be willing to take the back-burner when it comes to needs/wants/desires - even as you are in your own house.

Kid is cold and wants the heat up? Dad will push up the thermostat; doesn't matter if you are comfortable. Kid wants to go out and get a pet, eat certain foods all the time, etc. then that may become the marching order for the day. If you don't demur to kid's wishes, then expect your BF to get a case of the make-you-feel-guilty mopes or outright arguments with you. In the meantime, he will be reaping the financial rewards of your assets (house) in order to benefit his own bottom line and to make life better for him and his son.

Question is, will YOUR life be better? Having fun with the boy now when you see him is a whole different story than when he is a regular, constant presence. Plus, knowing that you are helping your BF with his financial bottom-line can bring about resentment. You might think, "Hmmm, here he is living in my house spending a fraction of what he used to, he was in debt and now thanks to me he is able to save money, and yet I can't even (fill in the blank) in my own house anymore ..."

Your BF sounds like he already has a healthy dose of the "guilty dad" syndrome by allowing the boy to call the shots. Furthermore, there may be a very good reason why he has not adjusted to your relationship/moving in together goals -- I'd bet it's the BM.

Since the kid had no problem relocating and accepting his mother's choices in her relationship, I wouldn't be surprised if she's already planted seeds in the boy's head to be stubborn about his father's. "Creepy" may be exactly the kind of descriptor a catty BM would say about your house, to make it more acceptable for him to want to refuse to stay with you.

It matters not that she is remarried - many women will do whatever they can to ensure that another woman doesn't get any kind of emotional foothold with her child. Fundamental human instinct which is difficult to overcome. Don't be fooled if you even have a cordial relationship with BM - she will ALWAYS be mom and will do what she can to ensure her son knows this. Make all the pizzas and crafts you want with him, if mom wants to put a wrench in the relationship you have with him- she will.

It may not be now but could be ten years from now; the result will be the same. BM will manipulate to her advantage, dad won't say a word because he is afraid of hurting his relationship with his son, and YOU will be the odd-man out and heartbroken.

My advice: Certainly don't make any plans to get married. Tell your BF that before you move in together, you want to make sure that the son is comfortable in what will be his father's home. Therefore, you can't consider moving in until such time as the boy comes over willingly every time he is supposed to. That way you have an opportunity to assess what it's like to have both of them in the house with you for several days at a time.

Good luck ... it's a long road you have ahead of you.

Don't say anything to the manipulative brat other than .... there is your room. Children of any age do not get a say in the choices of their parents ... particularly in the life choices of parents who are not a couple. Kids do what they are told when they are told and how they are told to do it.

So, quit trying to cater to this little shit and TELL him rather than ask him.

He cant "refuse" to stay over night. Kids don't get a say in visitation. They visit when the NCP tells them to visit in compliance with the CO.

What will "make things better" is zero tolerance and consistency. So.. you and FDH make your choices together and enforce the household behavioral expectations consistently and the Skid complies or suffers the consequences of his choice to not comply.

Pretty simple.

Do not fall victim to the post toddler pre-tween manipulations.

Good luck.