I think that it may be a little glossed over in your post.. but it sounds like this is NOT a routine procedure necessarily and it's possible that your husband is scared and worried and maybe even feels like he wants to see his daughter because "it could be his last chance" kind of situation... (it's a procedure not without risks).  It also seems like this could be more serious since he is in the hospital vs this being an outpatient procedure.. which makes me wonder.. is he possibly seriously ill?

And.. as hard as it is to do.. and i personally understand the worry of having a loved one in the hospital and how disruptive and upsetting it is for YOU.. HE is the one that is suffering from the condition and in hospital.. and for him.. it's worse really.. especially if there is concern about a serious or fatal condition. So, understanding that.. and giving him some grace to help him get through is not unreasonable.

But.. how to handle things...

In a serious health/life situation.. you suck it up for his sake.  

Now, you can insist she stay in a hotel.. not with you.. she probably would prefer this anyway.

You let her have a visit with him.. in private.. but after a bit.. you can and should go back into the room with him and sit with him.. if she chooses to sit there too.. that is on her.  but give her some time to privately speak with her dad.

This is NOT the time to air grievances.. and you CAN do it.

I can't STAND my DH's EX.. but when my YSD was medflighted to a hospital for an injury.. I was right there with her and my DH.. and even helped to calm her down.. you do what you have to do.  What you are trying to do is provide your husband the most support you can and if he wants to see his daughter.. that is a choice he should be able to make.  

This seems like a "make sure to keep me in your will" visit.

Just go for a walk, take a little snack at the cafe, for at least an hour, while she pumps him to find out who inherits what.  Maybe plant a little seed before she comes, "She might be wondering who is in your will".

I agree, just go chill at the hotel. Let her do her little drama fest. Don't give her the audience for it. I have to remind myself often, although skids are not my kids they are HIS kids and he loves them as I love mine. Unconditionally.

I'm really working on not being as critical of his, because I know how it makes me feel when he is critical of mine. Also recognizing that he is allowed a relationship with his children, independent of me just as I have with mine. 

You could go to your hotel while she is visiting at the hospital if you wanted to.

Alternatively, you could go to the hospital cafeteria and have a coffee, read a magazine, call and chat with a friend etc..

As galling as it is, that would probably be the best thing. I've read over some of your past posts....your SKIDS sound awful.

Your SD has not shown up yet. She might not. If she does, whatever you do is your choice. Base your decision on her likely behavior and whatever you think is best for DH.

If my DH were in the hospital, I'd hope his kids would visit. But, in my case it's a 50/50 chance of them showing up. if YSD showed up, I'd probably leave them alone for a half hour or so. When I returned YSD would most likely be gone. I can't envision her staying more than a half hour. OSD, I wouldn't leave the room. I can envision her trying to get money out of him. 

I'm running on little sleep as my DH, who has numerous health issues, has been ill since Sunday and is scheduled for surgery later this month. Since we are estranged from both SDs, it's down to me to take care of him, so forgive me for being blunt. 

Your H is having a comparatively minor procedure that happens to require anesthetic, right? Why is he being kept overnight? If he's in no danger, damned if I'd be hanging around. Damned if I would have supported my DH through all the medical issues he's had this past decade and more if he showed so little regard and appreciation for all I do and have done for him. If this is a potentially serious health issue I apologize, but if it isn't, I'd leave the hospital and not return until your H is released. Practice some self care while he takes advantage of the situation to hang out with a person who's treated you like crap. I bet his daughter won't even stay that long anyway, so let him enjoy being alone and bored the rest of the time. Let him feel the consequences - not for seeing his kid, but for leveraging the circumstances for his own benefit while screwing over you, the person expected to take care of him when he's actually ill.

I've learned talking/nagging/explaining doesn't always register, but making space for our partners to live with their bad choices can. This is an opportunity for you to teach your H that there's a cost to mistreating you, and you don't have to argue or be a witch about it. Just stay away from the hospital. When your H calls/texts, tell him for your own mental health you can't be around SD, so you're giving him space and he can call you when it's time to pick him up. Have a nice meal, do some shopping, have room service while you soak in the tub, whatever you enjoy - but don't answer any texts or calls from him.

He's being selfish while waving the "Poor me, I'm in the hospital so I get all the ice cream I want" card, but you also get to take care of yourself. So pick him up tomorrow with a spring in your step, no angst, and move forward. If he has half a brain, he'll figure out which side his bread is buttered on and won't pull that crap again.

I have not seen DH's kids since Feb 2018. Nor spoken to them. Last month, I decided to allow DHs youngest to visit our home. (A boundary set in counseling was he saw his kids away from our marital home). He was the least of my issues and very manipulated by the BM and older adult siblings. I offered to cook for the son, GF and baby. DH made the offer. His son accepted. The date changed due to the baby being sick and then we were traveling. The visit actually happened when I was away on a girl's weekend. I told DH to send my greetings and I'd catch them the next time. I'm deeply happy how the first visit went.  As we are aging (DH is 7 years older than me) and DH won't be able to travel alone much longer so I'm going to soften my boundaries with the rest. I want no relationship with his kids....way too much damage to fix....but I know DH needs to see his kids.

I plan to do exactly as you did. Grey Rock. Don't engage, give nice pleasantries and "disappear" while DH visits with his kids, whether that be in our home or at a hospital. DHs kids will NEVER stay overnight in our home. I need my morning and evening privacy. They can visit during the day and go back to their hotels. Heck, DH has to stay in hotels when he visits them so it's not like their being "punished." Giving what they get, rather.

I think you did great on that interaction. Thanks for sharing as it's encouraged me.