"My question is, why do these individuals who estranged themselves from my husband continue to try to maintain contact and keep drama going? My husband never responds, which is probably driving them crazy when their attempts to manipulate him into doing what they wanted failed."

Your second sentence is the answer to the first. Because they aren't getting to him, and they are frustrated.

Be very thankful your DH is strong enough to not let this sway him. He should tell them while he loves his children, he has the right to be married to someone else and he will not give in to threats and bullying behavior. He should also tell his sister to mind her own business, which includes what he does with money he has inherited. I am sure she wouldn't appreciate him digging into her financial affairs.

I believe I have this in my future since DH and his cousins are to inherit from his aunt when he passes. His two siblings are obsessed with this future event, although this aunt could outlive all of them. I suspect I will see bad behavior then too, to make sure the money is kept "in the family" and none of it potentially gets spent on the family intruder (me).

" he was told by his daughter and sister that until he comes to his senses, they are cutting off ties with him, and estrange him from their lives"

DH needs to resend both ladies their original texts stating they are cutting all ties. It's what they wanted if they couldn't have their way. Remind them each and every time a new attempt of communication flows in. They got their wish. He's accepted his 'penalty' of being cut off and being estranged from them... now could they please respect their own claim of 'he's dead to us' and leave him the heck alone.

Why do they keep texting? Because they thought they would win. Their manipulative fear tactic didn't work. Dad/brother was to dump your buns and go running to them. He didn't. Thus they are now trying to guilt him for his refusing to divorce you.

Seriously, block them. No text, no calls, no emails if he truly wants them out of his life. But I doubt he does nor that he desires to go 100% black for fear something would really happen and in emergency they could not contact him.

Can't he just block their numbers?

They expected him to chase them when they told him they were cutting off ties, not just let them walk away. They were just playing another game of manipulation and are pissed that it didn't work like they thought it would.

If someone tells me they are done with me, they had better be done, because I am. I chase nobody.

They keep contacting your DH because they want the money. If you can, block them.

GOOD! The key is "no response". Money can turn a family into a raging battle, I've seen it in my own family more than once. $$$$$ is what it is all about. I'm glad your DH is backing you.

We have been married 38 years and my SD56 has hated me since day 1; SD has never made any bones about how she feels and also put it all in writing, "DH was to divorce me". I never gave response to her in any way, I just disengaged and will never step back from disengagement. You are correct, when you state that the silence is "driving them crazy". It absolutely drives my SD56 and SGd34 (mother/daughter) crazy too. Like "hereiam", I chase nobody.

I have learned (past 4 years) that the less your input, with the problem, the more DH will see the problem for what it is. Just stand beside your DH, do not respond to their hate. My SD and SGD text, call, pop in to see him (for a few minutes), anything to keep the contact with DH and try to push my buttons. I don't pay any attention at all. It used to bother me, but I'm over it now. It took at least 4 years for me to let it go. Continue on the high road, you have chosen.

Stay here and accept the advice and support. This site is my anchor and has stabilized me beyond description. I found that if I let my skids, they would destroy my marriage. Not happening. My questions???? Why do the stepkids not want their father to be a happy man?????

(((hugs)))

Silence is golden. I wanted to rip SS32 and his GF to shreds last March - but it is so much more rewarding to ignore them.

I agree - not responding is the answer. But it makes one wonder if SIL or SD would give up their marriages for someone who does not even live with them. It just seems par for the course that step parents live by different standards and expectations - and should just love it.

It is admirable that your DH supports you and your marriage. He is silently letting them know just what he thinks of their opinions. Worthless. People like SIL and SD feed off of each other. When they do not have you or DH to punish they will eventually self-destruct.

Mistakenly posted twice

Your story sounds so much like mine with the exception of your SIL and the inheritance. My DH is an only child and while he got a small inheritance several months back when his dad passed, it was never about money with my OSD but she does feel he needs to choose between her and I. BM was actually your SIL for a while until she realized she never really had any control over my DH and her manipulation only served her because he wanted to see their DD and that my DH's loyalty lied with me and her influence over him ended when I came on the scene (that's a whole other story).

I also agree with every comment posted. It took my DH almost 18 years to see his DD for what she was and had I not disengaged, he will still be blind to her manipulation. The only advice I have is to keep your distance from your SD and SIL, they mean you no well and they will stab you in the back every chance they get if you engage in any conversation with them and will twist your words to their benefit. Just be polite (hi, goodbye) when in their presence and continue to be your DH support system. I wouldn't even bring them up unless he does and don't spend anymore then 2 minutes on the convo before changing the subject. Your DH seems to have a good grip on things and I would suggest, in this case, let him know as much as possible how much you love and appreciate him.

I know how much this effects you, you can spend months even years trying to understand why they do the things they do and wonder what you did wrong or could have done better but just know that this has nothing to do with you. This is their problem and your SD would have a problem with whomever your DH would have married because he would have had the same boundaries. As for your SIL, she is just miserable with her life and until she find happiness she will always insert herself into your and others business.

Lastly, though this isn't a game to you, the best revenge is to continue being happy in your marriage. At the end of the day, that's what should matter to you anyway especially, in this situation. I feel your pain but you are not to blame. Just try to enjoy your beautiful marriage and your beautiful life!

Sammigirl says: "I have learned (past 4 years) that the less your input, with the problem, the more DH will see the problem for what it is. Just stand beside your DH, do not respond to their hate. My SD and SGD text, call, pop in to see him (for a few minutes), anything to keep the contact with DH and try to push my buttons. I don't pay any attention at all. It used to bother me, but I'm over it now. It took at least 4 years for me to let it go. Continue on the high road, you have chosen"

THIS, OP is very good advice. Do not re-engage with them and just let them stew in their own juices. As with my Twit, once I disengaged, (and threw DH out to live with Twit for awhile ) he didn't see what was really going on. Eventually we moved across country away from crazy for our own sanity and my safety (my Twit is really bat sh*t crazy). She still tries to lure him back in the web, but the distance has helped.

Good luck. Stay in touch with us.

Your husband needs to lead by example - they clearly have no idea how to estrange!

Nothing hurts or sends a message like being ignored. If you're consistent, they will get bored. If you respond at all, you're giving them exactly what they want.

marblefawn says: "Nothing hurts or sends a message like being ignored. If you're consistent, they will get bored. If you respond at all, you're giving them exactly what they want."

Exactly. They actually start to panic when you pull the plug on contact etc. But, they do escalate for quite awhile because, to quote Glenn Close in "Fatal Attraction"....[They} won't be ignored! And I really do believe that they will always keep trying to get at us one way or another. Make no mistake, disengaging is darn right hard when I want to tell Twit what a cretin she is, so I stay away. If I should happen to catch her call, I just tell her to hold on I will get her Father...no how are you doing, nothing.

And knowing what she is, I know that type of action from me drives her nuts. So, the moral of our experiences OP is to stay away from them period.

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