There is no excuse for anyone to let another adult interfere with their relationship. Some of these husbands need to get some balls and put their grown ass kids in their places.

My dad would have no problem telling me like it is if I tried to run his and his wife's lives. I wouldn't want to, anyway, I have my own and do not depend on my dad for anything.

I am lucky, my SD22 does not give us problems in that regard. She knows how important I am to her dad.

I am sorry you are hurt and crying. Just sent you a PM.

Hello, it will get better. I had some dark days and am now taking time out for me to mend. Try to just walk or exercise a little if you don't at the moment. I know it probably seems like a stretch when you feel really low but it has been proven to help with depression. Depression can be brought on by traumatic life situations and is not your fault at all. In those cases it is entirely curable. Please consider the doctor and talking to someone where you feel safe.

My situation has improved over time. Hope that helps a bit. You will find yourself again and then send DH the right signals and teach him to lead. As a father he should be a leader not a friend or an open wallet.

Your question is a good one. Why are these adult children so fixated on their fathers? I think because the DHs were and in many cases still are an enabler or a supplier and the children see us to be the people who has slowed down their supply. When the parent/s continually mirror to the children that they are wonderful and give them anything they want, it leads to narcissism at some level. Narcissists are not kind, they just want their supply of attention, praise and servitude. Sadly some of us married DHs who set this up already. Narcissists are best avoided but for those of us who cannot, we need to know that is what these adult children are and then manage ourselves around them.

I am just taking a guess if your situation is like mine.

Stop beating yourself up!

I think there are two questions every person should ask themselves in a relationship.

The first is: Am I Loved?

Love as defined by action, which, to me consists of: Support, Understanding, Empathy, Kindness, Sacrifice, Stability, Safety, and most importantly, Protection from both physical and emotional abuse.

For many, many people, step or not, (to me) their SO's do not actually truly, truly love them, because if they did, they would try their best to fulfill the acts of love as listed above, regardless of their own "guilt" or what society judges them on. This way, even though they may be unhappy with the toxic people who cause them harm, they won't be unhappy with their relationship. It's a hard distinction to make.

The second is: Do I Deserve To Be Loved?

And the answer should be a resounding YES, but you'd be surprised by how many people secretly choose No through their actions of staying with someone who don't really love them, even if they think they do.

To me, life is too short to spend in an unhappy relationship. I would not want to look back on my life and think, wow, I spent all those years for nothing, other than being unhappy.

Thankfully, I have an SO who would do anything (and I mean ANYTHING) for my emotional and physical wellbeing, and because of this, I never have to ask him to choose, and I can always be the bigger person because I know what his choice would be if given one. So no matter how difficult things may get, I never have to wonder if he loves me, and in the grand scheme of things, who cares what the toxic people who mean nothing to me say or do, since the people who I love truly love me back?

I hope you find some measure of peace. Walking is not as easy as people make it out to be, but is it worth living in your private hell for the rest of your life?

Yes, it DOES get better. But the only way it gets better is to treat yourself better and expect mutual respect from everyone. The best thing I did in our marriage was to start taking care of myself, working on self-esteem and confidence. This gave me the courage to disengage, ban SD from my home, and give DH the option of accepting it or leaving. It's been 2 1/2 years. It takes time to get over the feeling of betrayal by DH but without SD's 'presence', our marriage is finally improving. As far as I'm concerned, SD is on another planet and she can stay there.

As not2sureimsanea wrote, we deserve to be loved by our partners. Life IS too short to remain in an unhappy relationship. I don't rely on DH to protect me. I can handle it myself. But even though our relationship has improved, if DH ever again refuses to support me when I am being verbally, emotionally or physically attacked he will be history.

Nora, don't go to the doctor 'because of the skids', go to the doctor for yourself. For your own sake and well being go have a good check-up. Your next step should be perhaps counseling. Just for you. It'll give you an safe person to go over your feelings and issues with and the counselor might be able to give you some understand of the whys and hows you are now with some advise as to how to make your life better and happier for Nora.

Reading your previous postings, I really don't see your husband having the strength and personal ability to ever change how it is with his children. What's going on with your DH/skids was set long before you came into the picture. I think your husband probably does love you, loves you very much, but he is incapable of being the man you need him to be. That is his problem though, your problem is how long are you willing to go on like this and allow your health and future to be impacted by this man and his dysfunctional children.

It's not you, Nora. Any woman, no matter who she is or what her good intentions were, would still be a threat to these adult children. It's not you personally who threatens them, it's merely your existence in husband's life that makes them threatened. You represent something that they feel interferes between their father's wallet now and their self entitled attitude towards inheritance. That's why they so worried and obsessed with your husband having a living will.

The best thing that could happen would be if your husband could find the strength to stop paying their bills and handing them money right now and then to also make very clear to this children that he is not going to discuss his finances and/or will with them at all. Ever. Except for their sense of being self entitled these children are not legally entitled to anything husband does not desire to leave them. These children have no real love or respect for their father, the man. They don't care if he's happy or they are destroying his relationship with you. In fact they'd be pleased beyond belief if you'd just poof so they could not only keep getting money left and right now but absolutely every last dime when husband passes. Your husband on the otherhand is so afraid of losing his children and them cutting him out if he doesn't keep 'helping' them out and kissing their butts, that he is afraid to set real boundaries nor strong enough to enforce the boundaries.

Yours is truly a sad case, Nora, because I don't foresee anything ever changing or getting better in your relationship nor with the situation with your skids. It's why I wish you'd really pick up the phone and make an appointment with your dr and then seek counseling. I think the only one who can make things ok for Nora is Nora. Perhaps once you start attending counseling husband would follow suit and be able to gain the strength to be able to make peace and happiness in his own life.

I completely get what you are saying and first off Hugs to you.

I believe I am in this for the long haul. I know my ONLY reason for staying is because I have 2 bio daughters ages 8 and 3 with my husband. It not that I don't love my husband, I do and he is supportive BUT if I didn't have my beautiful little girls, I think I would have left even though I love him and he loves me. I don't think love is enough to keep putting up with toxic, bitch, satin SD19.

I would be a success story if I left but again...my babies.

I know you are stuck on not wanting to go to a dr. over step kids BUT just think about it. It took me 2 years to believe the doctors when they told me it was not just a tick borne illness that caused all my sickness these past two years, it was anxiety and panic severely with possible PTSD! I finally accepted that..it only makes me want to keep farther away from SD19, it also has made it very hard in the regards that due to what I have gone through mentally and physically and how it reflects on my OWN children, I guarantee that I will NEVER forgive her. I am done with her, I will get a RO on her and her dick head boyfriend if I have to.

The really cool thing I have now...I have a doctor who diagnosed me and my left sided issues as being caused by a tick borne illness (which is out of my system now completely) and the majority being debilitating anxiety and panic disorder CAUSED BY ISSUES DEALING WITH STEP DAUGHTER!!! Love that she put that in my medical record because she is an awesome doctor who took the time to listen to me and hear me. Also if SD19 pushes anymore buttons on me I WILL get an RO and bring my medical diagnosis with me so the judge can see what the little fuck head did to me.

Excuse my language, I know not very Christian but I really don't care. I feel sorry for everyone on here that has went through true hell and back. God can deal with my hatred towards SD19 later when I meet him. lol. Besides I believe people are taken out of your life for reasons and my SD19 being out of my life is to save my own soul.

Hugs again!

We can all take a lesson from your Harley ride. I am going to challenge myself to find something like that that makes me happy today. Losing your source of income is a big consideration. Not worth underestimating as far as the impact on you. You will figure it out. Hopefully whilst on a nice long enjoyable ride somewhere.