Wedding Question
I recently had dinner with my father and his fiance. They are getting married Labor Day Weekend and were telling me about their wedding plans.
It is going to be a small affair but one item has me concerned a little bit. I know it is not my wedding so i would never dictate how they handle things but I was wondering what other people's opinions were to the situation and suggestions on how to handle it.
My dad's fiance has two sons both married. My sibilings and I have never met them. We will meet them for the first time at the wedding. I am sure they are nice people but the opportunity never presented its self to meet them beforehand.
My main concern is that they said all of the immediate family will be sitting together at one table. This makes me uncomfortable as I have never met her children before and as I am particular shy and suffer from social anxiety new situations are never easy for me. It is not my wedding so I kept my mouth shut and just listened. I would have prefered to be seated with my family (i.e. Aunts, Cousins, and Siblings) but this is what they want.
I did ask if they planned to get us (children and grandkids) together before the wedding so we can all meet. Hopefully, than it wouldn't be akward at the wedding. They had no plans but as we talked I suggested maybe since everyone will be here Saturday doing a lunch at a restaurant or some fun activity since the grandkids in NYC. They seemed to like the idea but who knows if it will happen.
I don't plan on mentioning any of my anxiety to them as this is their wedding and I would not want them telling me how to plan things if I ever got married.
I am looking for suggestions as to how to handle the situation. I get overwhelmed easily and I was bringing my best friend to the wedding as my date to keep me company. (I'll be the only single person under 40 there) She will now probably sit at another table.
Thanks
Don't dwell on this
I'll be candid, and hope you don't take offense.
While you may have anxiety, it is not up to the bride and groom to make efforts to ensure you personally are in a comfortable situation. You are an adult. Surely you can spend a couple of hours being cordial and polite with the "stranger" stepsons and their families. This is pretty much the norm for life in general - as adults, we must adapt to situations.
Your dad and his fiance have enough to do to plan their wedding. Don't add "drama" that isn't necessary. Plus, you have siblings - aren't they going to be sitting at your table? If so, you will look foolish if you don't want to sit at the table with your Dad's soon-to-be in-laws. I am sure they will be willing to fit in a chair for your friend who can sit with you.
Bottom line: Suck it up. Enjoy the day, wish your dad and his bride the best of luck, and move on with your life.
Medicate!
It's their day, after all. Xanax up, and after the toasts and meal, you needn't return to your seat. Dance, chat with relatives, play with random kids, and enjoy yourself.
Congratulations to your dad and new bride
I think it was thoughtful of your dad and his fiancee to have all of their kids sitting together at the wedding. After all you will be step siblings, regardless if you have a realationship with them or not. Actually this will help you deal with your social anxiety, having to step out of your comfort zone and socialize with your new family. Congratulations to your dad on finding love and wishing him a lifetime of happiness with his new bride. You must be thrilled to see your dad happy, in love, and you gain step siblings. Such a happy time for your family.
Just glanced through some old blogs
...of yours. You clearly stated that you do not want a relationship with this SM or her children. Guess that hasnt changed. You must be so looking forward to this wedding, and darn now you have to sit with her children. Whats an unhappy SD to do? Maybe Murphys Law wasnt off the mark when she called it as she saw it. Let it go, the anger and resentment towards your dad. I empathize with you losing your mother to cancer, that must have been terrible. Your dad did not grieve the way you wanted him to, accept that, and move on. He is most likely in a good place right now. Be happy for that.
Thanks for Asking!
I say "good for you" that you made the effort to come to this site to problem solve. Possibly could you sit between your siblings or could you or one of your sibs take the initiative and set up a meet in advance? Even a Skype visit! It sounds like social situations are very stressful for you, but as a stepmom,I can tell you that your efforts will be appreciated more than you can ever imagine! Good luck and let us know how it turns out.
Hi Op,
Hi Op,
Have you heard the Mark Twain saying, "Eat the frog"? Basically you've got to just do the thing you really don't want to do and get it over with. So be the one to reach out to your new step siblings if that will make you comfortable. Be the first to smile and say Hi. Google some ice breaker lines and memorize them for conversation starters. If you're a social drinker then wine is your friend. Get on the dance floor and dance with your best friend. Remember it's a party and have some fun. After it's all done you can go home and retreat to your hovel.
***ETA, everyone else may be feeling the exact same way so be the one to inject some positive energy into the situation.
You got this girl!
Thank you
I wanted to say thank you to all of those that responded with positive comments and solutions. I really appreciate the advice and feedback.
I wish my father and FSM all the best. I did not mean for my posts to come off as negative but going back and re-reading I can see where some of you got that impression when in my mind I was only stating facts. Honestly, I thought posting here I could get some great advice as most of you have been through the wedding process with skids.
I will admit it is hard to type on a blog as sometimes the tone and/or intention gets misconstrued in the wording and I think that may have happened in some of my posts.
I will admit previous blogs were more negative but this one was not my intention as my FSM and I had a nice dinner with my dad and there was no drama. I was even going to invite them again for dinner this week because the last one went so well, but they decided to leave the city early and head home.