Getting the Princess out of your head is the hardest part. It does get easier with time.

I've only been disengaged for around 7-8 months (officially). It has gotten better and I am fortunate there is a lot of distance between me and Princess Perfect. This weekend he is visiting her and YSD went to visit too (they always make it a Super Happy Original Family Celebration, and of course their own SO's are part of the family). The first two days I was ok. Today I woke up pissed off. Pissed that I have a DH who is too chicken to tell a woman in her 40's to grow up. That I have a DH who said he didn't want lose access to his grandkids like OSD threatened, and his wants have come as a sacrifice to me. That he lives two different lives because he coddled and entitled his princess, that they get to have their way but I have to suffer the consequences. That I thought I married a mature man with mature adult children and this is not what I signed up for.

Fortunately mine does not push me to have a relationship with his childish daughter. NFW.

So yes, it gets better overall (I know I am not doing a good job of convincing you). But it's always an irritant that never goes away, at least for me it isn't. As well as I have been doing, today I am struggling. It is probably because I am sleeping less because both dogs are sick. I do have to say that if the rest of the marriage were not good, I would never put up with this. If you are happy with the rest of your marriage, keep in mind no marriage is perfect. But you also have to look at how much of your marriage, how much of yourself is being sacrificed for this situation. Is it more than what you expected and is it intolerable? Your needs matter too.

I am looking forward to the responses you get since it applies so much to me right now too.

I don't know if there is anything that one can do to get those thoughts out of our heads. As I write this, my ex-Disney Dad DH is taking SD20 + her boyfriend out to lunch at a swanky restaurant requested by her, that is a half hour's drive from where we live. There is a standing invitation for me to go with, on these occasions but I have no wish to.

Most of the time now, I don't think of the SDs very much, because they no longer come here EOW of course, and I forget about them for long stretches. However, like today, it very much casts my mind back to more difficult times, when she and her sister treated me like s**t, and DH did not stick up for me nor have my back.
For the most part, our marriage is much better now that the SDs aren't around on a regular basis - but there are still times when memories intrude.

Even when they are totally out of your life it can sometimes be hard to keep them out of your mind.

I disengaged from SS31 (utterly worthless, often homeless, jobless, etc.) for several years. Once he settled down with a young woman who had a job, car, house, and eventually their baby I opened the door a crack. Even had them over for dinner. They were always sort of in the background.

Now that they invaded our home during our two week vacation I am PERMANENTLY DONE with them. I honestly do not care if they are dead or alive. My DH has been great about this. Not once has he tried to justify (he can't) or make excuses for them.

We've even been thru a major holiday (Easter). DH was free to go spend time with them and the grandbaby, but he didn't. I didn't suggest it (we had no plans that day) nor did I ask about it. I have no clue if he was excluded, if he excluded himself or what the circumstances were.

I know my DH was shamed and humiliated that his son betrayed his trust. Who wouldn't be? I don't need to rub it in. But I still have a LOT of ANGER towards skid and babymamma. I need to get that out of my head. It does help when I can come here and bitch about how worthless and utterly disgusting these two are.

Ava, I think you will be better at handling your thoughts the more time goes by. The important thing is to remain disengaged. REMAIN DISENGAGED!

I think sometimes SMs backslide when a skid may act nice on one particular occasion. SMs are hopeful things may be on an upturn with the skid so they get re-involved, and thus get stabbed in the back. Then starts the cycle of getting the skid (and the heartbreak they cause) out of your head all over again. It is too painful to continue this cycle.

Do. Not. Be. Fooled.

Disengagement must become a way of life.

That isn't to say you won't still be curious about what's going on with them, that's natural. Also, don't let your DH make you feel guilty about not being involved with your SD. That is your choice and your RIGHT. Let him mope all he wants.

I just went through this with my SO. SD and her fiance came over; my SO had invited them out to dinner. It just so happened it was my favorite restaurant, no less. My SO really, really wanted me to go with. He mopily asked why I couldn't go with because he really wanted me there.

I remained firm.

I told him I had many errands to do and besides, I was sure that he would enjoy the one-on-one time with his daughter and her fiance.

When they showed up at our house, I spent a few minutes doing some polite idle chatter with the both of them. That was more than enough. They went off and had dinner together. I went on and used my time in a more productive manner, doing things I wanted to do and grabbed a bite to eat on my own.

And this is the amazing thing about how you can train your brain. The whole time, I was mentally ecstatic that I was enjoying MY time the way I wanted. The more you have these kinds of experiences the more they will help shove out other thoughts, like being left out of a part of your DH's life.

Being alone for the evening was thoroughly more enjoyable to me than spending two hours listening to the narcissistic SD blab on about herself - while the rest of us were just there to worship her. Let her dad and fiance do that; I've no interest or stomach for it. Nope, my days of being part of the audience for this self-centered Princess are well over.

Lastly, while I do still sometimes have some residual feelings of regret that things could be better, I have come to this perspective. Just about everyone has to deal with some sort of in-law they don't like and will never have a relationship with. Some women have absolutely horrible mothers in law. Or a horrible sister in law.

Some men have terrible male best friends, that you want nothing to do with. Or a horrible, crude brother. In these cases, we are usually happy to have them spent guy-time alone without us and we don't usually feel left out or excluded.

There will inevitably be someone in your DH's life who you are not close to and who he will have a separate relationship with. Put your SD into the same box - think about her like an awful friend of your DH and perhaps it won't bother you so much when he spends time with her.