StepSon ALWAYS just drops in
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SS is 24 and has a full time sales job. Graduated college and moved out. Great! But our house is in his territory so he just drops in ALLLLLL the time. Sits and works in between his appointments. I work from home and it bugs the crap out of me. Hubby sees no issue. We just got rid of him and he keeps coming back! Am I being crazy? How do you nicely say "Stop coming by. We are not your temporary office." I dont mind an occasionally drop in for dinner etc. but man, it's getting worse.
Over-saturation
Familiarity makes this situation acceptable to your DH and not to you. My ex's family would drop by all of the time. If we had other people over for dinner, it was magic - there they were at the door. And they asked why we hadn't invited them. My ex saw nothing wrong with this because he was used them. I wasn't. I felt overly saturated. I wish I had some good advice for you. The old saying, 'Fish and friends smell the same after 3 days' is so true. SS should be limited to certain days and times. Then stand your ground.
Change the locks and change
Change the locks and change your routine for a week or so in order to be away from home during the day.That way, your SS wont be able to get in the house. If you do happen to be home and he knocks, be sure to answer the door in just your robe and tell SS that now is not a good time.
Also, start walking around the house naked when your H is home. You want to drive home the message that skid shouldn't be making random visits.
Sadly, our house is a smart
Sadly, our house is a smart house so all the kids hap the App for access. We still have an 18 yr old at home too. This WAS his home too and I would never want to deny access but it's getting old. Everybody was gone the other day and I heard someone goign through our shed. He was just getting his snowboard. I told him he almost got shot and that he HAS to text me if he comes by. That has not deterred him. Now I just want to move so we are not in his territory anymore! lol....
Then you can clear codes as
Then you can clear codes as you wish. Use the smart house system to your advantage.
I'd have done something
I'd have done something similar at 24 if I had that kind of job, and my parents would have been fine with it. In his mind, it's his "parents'" house, and he's not thinking that you may be uncomfortable with it.
Is he noisy, messy or annoying? I'm not sure it would bother me if he wasn't any of those things, just sitting quietly doing work.
But if it does bother you, then it doesn't matter if your DH "doesn't see an issue with it." You do, and you are well within your rights to set a boundary on it.
As someone who works from
As someone who works from home and who is used to being alone in the house, that would drive me mad! I find it hard to concentrate when someone else is in the house, no matter how quiet they are.
I also have worked
I also have worked from home at times. For some reason people don't see it as really working. More like casually getting things done on a weekend to catch up or get a jump on the week. It isn't. It is the same intensity as being in an office. Sometimes more. I now have the flexibility to choose where I want to work and when I have something I really have to concentrate on I will do it from home because I can pace around and talk to myself and really throw myself into it in a way that would be disruptive at the office. Having another person suddenly appear would be a problem.
Me too.
Me too.
I work from home when I have a piece due that requires deep concentration and focus and I don't want to be interrupted.
Having someone just drop by to hang at my house while I was trying to work would drive me crazy, too. Even if they were being quiet and working themselves.
TY! You get it! We have only
TY! You get it! We have only been married 6 years and I am counting the days when the last kid is gone. I know that sounds bad. I want to be alone in a house with my spouse! I had to put my foot down for the SS to cut the cord and move out and SD comes homes at school breaks with her bag o' drama. Senior in H.S. is still here. My house is my office and peace and quiet reign! When they are here, it just throws me off. I dread holiday breaks. They ARE quiet and respectful so I feel guilty but we are 51 and 58 and the clock is ticking! lol....being a little OCD does not help my situation.
Set "work hours" for your
Set "work hours" for your home office and kindly ask hubby to visit his son and anyone else elsewhere during that time.
Is not for visiting.....
The SS comes by because he is in sales and his territory is near by. If he is in between appointments, he stops here. If an appt cancels, he stops here. HIS house is 30 minutes away so he wont stop there. We are basically a glorified Starbucks for pit stops. We have the couch, & peace and quiet if he needs to work on the laptop. My office is upstairs and he is down. Im sure he thinks since he is quiet, it's no big deal.
Time to switch up the dynamic
Time to switch up the dynamic to make the space less cozy for interlopers. Maybe the couch needs to disappear for a bit to be "repuholstered" and replace it with a pool table. Perhaps the pesky fire alarm can keep tripping during his visit. Do something to make the space less inviting.
I moved in with my elderly
I moved in with my elderly father to take care of him. My sister was used to just stopping by and walking in unannounced. I started doing that to her at her house. She didn’t like that.
I drop in on my parents all
I drop in on my parents all the time before/ after work or before/after the gym. They are on mybway home. Usually shoot a text especially if my mom is alone as to not scare her but they are my parents.
I totally invade the fridge, take a shower, but they are my mom & dad. If I was a skid I wouldnt drop in on a step parent daily without an invite.
I work from home about half
I work from home about half the time. My office is a small addition off the kitchen with no door and no privacy so for me a set of Bose noise cancelling earphones did the trick.
It's the principle of the thing
He probably still sees it as "his" space, having just moved out. Have you tried talking to him and telling him that the drop-in inturrupts your thought process and changes the vibe in the house? You probably go from being focused on work to feeling like you have to play hostess and be polite. You deserve to have some control over your own environment. Period.
The "family home" concept can
The "family home" concept can have some durable downside once the spawn launch.
We are fortunate that my parents are all in on the family home concept. My DW and I have lived with my parents a few times over our 26 year marriage. Once for a few months, once for about year. I was on rotation assignment in the Middle East and my DW lived with mom and dad. I moved in on my rotation periods at home.
I am sure taht in a blended marriage there are many more influences at play.