I'm new here from Google search because my SD, who is 42, is a drama queen and after last week, I'm feeling withdrawn and even distrustful of my own husband because he dismisses her behavior and acts like nothing has happened.

I just need to vent and I'm so glad I found this place and see that I'm not alone in trying to deal with this situation.

First of all, let me give you a little background. I met my husband in March, 1975 when he was working at a construction job in my town. He was from another state, married, with 3 kids. The youngest (my SD) had just been born in Feb., 1975. His wife was a closet drunk, manipulative, and could bawl at the drop of a hat, anywhere, anytime that it got her attention. He was planning a divorce when I met him but he says I gave him the motivation to go through with it. Several months later, after his divorce, and after he left her everything (for the kids, which she promptly drank up)I moved to his state and moved in with him. His ex would call in the middle of the night and he'd get out of bed and haul her out of ditches and stay with her until she "fell asleep". We had his 2 boys every weekend but never his daughter. He worked out of town/state most of the time, so we only had weekends together but we were never alone. This went on for over 2 years and I finally had had enough of the merry-go-round so I moved out and moved on. We didn't see each other for 17 years. I had remarried and he had moved to CA because his ex took the kids out there in 1982 and he didn't want to be so far away from them. I was divorced in 1992.

Then, in 1997 we got back together and I moved out to CA. We were married later that year. I still had not even met my SD until I went to CA. She was 22 by then and she was the spitting image of her mother...in every way (except the drinking part). I remember one time she was there with her brother's and they were talking about things that happened when they (the boys) were younger and my husband mentioned something about their mother being drunk and my SD erupted in hysterical tears and ran in the bedroom and bawled for hours. I had no clue what to do and my husband was so upset with her behavior because it was so much like her mother's outbursts that he didn't know what to do either. From then on, we watched every word we said so it wouldn't upset her.

We retired in 2001 and left CA in our RV so we didn't have much contact with his daughter for several years except talking to her on the phone. Two years ago, we moved to AZ for many reasons but mostly for our health. His kids only lived 350 miles from us and we were glad to see them maybe once a month or so, whenever their work would allow them to come see us. His daughter married in 2005 but they can't have children so we don't have any grandkids.

Right after we relocated here to AZ, my SD decided she wanted to move here, too. Her husband wasn't too thrilled with leaving CA. He's never known anything else and is very backward and had a very strange upbringing. He still has all his mother's belongings, including her clothes, and she been deceased for over 10 years. He just can't let go. He's 50 but acts like he's in grade school. So my SD runs the show. Whatever she says, goes, and he doesn't rock the boat.

So, they came here several times looking at homes and we showed them the area and what areas of town not to buy in. Well, didn't they do just that. She is a slob and their house looks like a pig pen. I won't go there unless I absolutely have to. She quit her job in CA and got a good job here so she's been living and working here since Feb. Her husband is still in CA. He keeps dragging his feet about what projects need to get done so their house can be listed.

Right after she started working, she use to come over every night and I'd have supper ready for her. So, we were eating one night and talking and my husband asked her how long before her husband was going to come. She said she didn't know. My husband asked her, since they had put a lot of stuff in a storage unit here (mostly her husband's deceased mother's stuff), how long before she was going to move that stuff out of the storage unit and get it over to the house here (they have a large building on their property). She said she didn't know. I asked her if he (her husband) was going to get rid of some of his mother's things, since the clothes were now falling apart and there were boxes and boxes of paperwork (household bills from years ago) that just needed to be thrown out. She had a complete meltdown! She got up and went in the bathroom and bawled her eyes out and I'm sure our neighbors must have heard her. :jawdrop: I was at a complete loss as to what to do. She just cried and carried on just like her mother use to do.

Then last week she had another meltdown. She was so stressed over: he dog had fleas, her husband is still in CA, her boss is a jerk, etc., etc. She had gone to CA the weekend before to "whip the guys into shape" to get things finished at the house so they could list it. She was in a mood when she left and when she came back we didn't hear anything from her so I sent her a text on Wed. last week and asked if she was OK. She just said the good news was the house was going to be listed but the bad stuff would have to wait until she saw us. Well, that made us think all kinds of things and my husband wasn't in a very good mood the rest of the week because he was so worried about her. We never heard any more from her until I texted her and that's when she told us about fleas on her dog and some other ridiculous things. She called the next night and was crying her eyes out. She complained about her boss...what a jerk he was, etc. Her dad talked to her and I listened. She's never had any other job except the one in CA and she was pretty much her own boss so she's had no experience actually taking "orders" from any one. She doesn't like to be told what to do and she wants to do things her way.

So, last weekend her husband and her brother (who's also moving here :O ) surprised her and came out with a trailer load of stuff. I was so disgusted with her with the way she's carried on and upset her dad all week that when they came to the house, I stayed in my sewing room and shut the door. I had had an encounter with her brother before she and her husband got here and I was fuming. I thought it was better for me to stay away from all of them.

She called her dad yesterday and told him everything was good at work, that she had overblown the situation about her boss and it was ok now. That just did it even more for me. My husband just babies her, too, and excuses her bad behavior.

I read some great advice on here from way back in the forum about this women that disengaged herself from the toxic drama. I'm taking a leaf out of her book and backing away as much as I can without confrontation because I know I'll end up being the loser if I do confront her.