Hi All,

Thank you all so much for your feedback & advice. I'm going to try here to address all the questions/comments made.

First off, yes, he HAS been enabling this FOREVER, otherwise it wouldn't still be happening! This SD's own BM won't let her live with her, in fact told my husband when they divorced to "take her with you"! Clearly, this created a situation where just husband & SD were living together - so I think his guilt or sense of pity for daughter (since her own mother didn't want her around) plus daughter having dad all to herself for too long created this mess. Then again, I'm beginning to wonder if the reason BM told him to "take her with you" means that SD was causing these problems with this inappropriate behavior even with her bio parents!! His second wife (1st "evil stepmom") had the SAME complaints that I'm talking about here, unfortunately I didn't hear most of it until AFTER the wedding! SD also has NO friends - never has since high school - also has been fired from jobs because of her refusal to respect a "dress code" or any other rules for that matter. Still, my husband simply does NOT want to see her behavior for what it is! SD of course chalks it all up to "they're jealous" (did I mention that she's at least 40 lbs. OVERWEIGHT so in addition to "inappropriate" it is also GROSS!) Doesn't see that if ALL women have a problem with her, gee....MAYBE it IS something with HER! Several of you mentioned the possibility of a sexual relationship in the past (husband & SD) - I have considered this also, but the thing is, ALL of the behaviors & comments are HER - I have never seen anything at all inappropriate in HIS behavior with her - he doesn't even touch her except for "hello" & "good-bye" hugs, which are also just fine - nothing inappropriate. There is NO lap-sitting, "cuddling", patting, or anything like that. But maybe there WAS when she was younger???? I don't know. Or maybe a brother? someone else? I would be very surprised if anything like that (actual sex) happened with her father........but STILL I think it's a problem all by itself that HE (apparently never) has told her to dress more appropriately, stop treating him like a "back-up boyfriend", stop the "wifey" behavior, & GROW UP.

And all of the financial protection advice was good. Luckily I DID take care of that. Truth is, I am the one with "more" - before I would agree to get married I told him I had 3 things that HAD to be agreed or I would NOT get married or even live with him. #1) His kids NEVER get a key to our house. #2) They NEVER live with us. #3) PRE-NUP!! He told me to write up whatever I needed & he would sign it.........& HE DID. My bigger concern is that our new house IS owned jointly - & I'm beginning to worry & feel very resentful that if I should die first, his @#%^& kids would eventually end up with MY MONEY - (I put much more than l/2 into it) ANOTHER situation that I want to "rectify". I honestly believe that if I died tomorrow, she would dump her boyfriend in a heartbeat to come up here & live in MY house & get her "dream" of being daddy's #l!

Someone asked me if SD had a boyfriend......at this moment, yes. And yes, things have always been a little better when she DOES have one. My husband even frequently says when he finds out she has a boyfriend "great.....now she won't be bugging me". A few times I have tried to quietly comment/explain that she wouldn't "bug him" if he would STOP ALLOWING IT! It is such crap that whenever she's "alone" she comes running to HIM.......wants money, more time with him, starts the bitching about me to him (which he doesn't see one bit as HER trying to cause trouble between US), etc. . .I used the phrase once of "surrogate spouse" & he freaked out! Unfortunately, that is EXACTLY what it is! She just wants/needs "someone" to take care of her, & if she doesn't have a boyfriend, well.....then DADDY is supposed to fill the role until she finds a new one. And if I object in any way to ANYTHING, I end up the "bad guy". He also doesn't want to hear that we are NOT dealing with a teenager, not even a 20-something, she is 32 YEARS OLD - LET GO ALREADY!!!!

And just last night - for just one more example of how incredibly CLUELESS my husband is, & how IGNORED I feel, we are planning a vacation. He says to me, "maybe we can get SD to come up & check the pets & watch the house"!!!!!! I was soooo blown away, I blurted out "NO F'G WAY! I'll board the pets!" He actually got mad at me & asked "why?" & I said "I can not believe you! And if you can actually suggest that to me, I'm not even going to waste my breath talking about it! You're simply NEVER gonna deal with this bullshit are you?" And I left the room, slept on the couch last night, and I'm not even sure I'm gonna go home tonight!

This is SO HOPELESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!