Our DHs Supporting sks financially/moving them in if they became disabled
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SAs recent blogs got me to thinking about this. How would you feel about dh supporting them/moving them in if they became disabled somehow?
I'd be ok with it. Hopefully they'll be able to have healthy lives and that won't happen.
um, no I wouldn't be ok with
um, no I wouldn't be ok with a disabled ss moving in with us. Ever. He has other family members or if he cant care for himself on his own-then maybe a group home or something would be a great place for him.
Absolutely understandable.
Absolutely understandable. They can rely on their BM. my SD is permanently disabled due to schizophrenia. There are plenty of social services available to help. We don't give SD money as she has already blasted through thousands upon thousands if DH's money (before we were married). She lives off the government and child support. There are ways to survive when you are disabled. It's not a glamorous life but its better than nothing.
I am severely disabled. I
I am severely disabled. I have a chronic illness which is rare and there is no cure. I am lucky enough to not have to ask my parents for help. When the disability starts, you get a year of state disability. After that, if you are still disabled, then you have to apply for social security disability. It is a hard process. It took over a year for me to prove that my disease is disabling. I had to go 13 months with no income. So, it can be a horrible experience as social security can deny your benefits over and over again (that's what they did to me and I couldn't walk or bathe myself). If SKIDS become disabled they might need help. Especially if they don't have a huge savings account or if they aren't married with a spouse that can support them. There is nothing worse than being sick, losing your job and fighting the social security administration when you are really sick. Just pray for them (and anyone you care about) that they don't have to go through this. Its a horrible experience to say the least. I am blessed with a wonderful husband who supported me and took care of me.
That is so kind of you to
That is so kind of you to provide that info. How thoughtful! You're right I did have to hire an advocate. We finally got what I deserved after working so hard whole life (the benefits that I actually paid into). These professionals know how to take the medical record and provide the proper documentation in order to help their client satisfy the administration. I guess there is a lot of fraud out there so it has to be like this. The thing is that I'm so young that they tried all sorts of tactics to deny me the benefit even though I'm really sick. This is what my advocate told me and it makes sense. I just wish I could work. Being on SSDI and being disabled is REALLY BORING after awhile. Well thank you again for your kind gesture.
Yes, it empowers them rather
Yes, it empowers them rather than disabling them further. You can be physically disabled without becoming an emotional cripple.
My dh is disabled as well so
My dh is disabled as well so I am familiar with the process. However, he was approved within 3 months of making an application.
So I certainly mean no disrespect to anyone disabled, but STILL-I'm not taking my ss in EVER for any reason EVER again.
Its understandable. Each
Its understandable. Each situation is unique. Earlier I said that the person might need help. It could be just talking to them on the phone and being supportive, taking them to a doctors appointment if they can't drive. However, if this is a person who has treated you poorly in the past or who has taken advantage of you financially, emotionally, etc; its understandable that they should look elsewhere for help.
Nope, I agree with Echo. BM
Nope, I agree with Echo. BM has always wanted to be the only parent that mattered, have at it.
Hi hereiam, It makes sense. I
Hi hereiam,
It makes sense. I just posted above your post and said that each situation is unique. Even though I am disabled, I agree with you 100%. I think I gave the impression with what I said that the family should help no matter what and I really didn't mean that. Well, in my case I have never hurt my family members; I've been nice to everyone even the ex-stepmom (I still talk to her and take care of her son periodically) but if I had been abusive and rude (like my SD) then it would make sense that I would not be welcome. Its not ok for the disabled individual to look at family members they abused in the past for help, money and shelter. I hope that makes sense. Sometimes I write something and it comes out all wrong.
This topic is personal for me as I am disabled but I am also the SM of a severely abusive and unappreciative adult brat. She is also disabled. We don't help her at all (not even emotionally) as she has treated DH and I horribly. So I see it from both sides. She wanted to move in with us when her baby's daddy kicked her out for being abusive and nuts. We said HELL NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I totally get it.
HELL TO THE MOTHER'F'N
HELL TO THE MOTHER'F'N NOOOOO!!!
They ruin our lives ENOUGH (skid/bm) so nope, nope, NOPE!
If there is a special place in hell for me b/c of it then so be it! }:)
Well I had some serious
Well I had some serious illnesses in the past 2 years where I was almost bedridden. SD lived approx 12 houses away at that time and NEVER ONCE offered any help or assistance. That was when I discovered she actually hated me, because of her lack of compassion and offer some minor help, like pick something up at grocery store our have her half brother, my BS over for a meal.
For her sake I hope she never does need our help because I sure as hell will not be there for her either. You get what you give in this life.
Edited to add, she also ramped up her hate campaign against me when I was too weak to defend myself.
Wow that is so sad that you
Wow that is so sad that you were treated like that. How horrible; she couldn't even get groceries! What a brat. I hope you are feeling better.
Thanks Amber. I am feeling
Thanks Amber. I am feeling better these days. we moved 2 hours away from SD in June, so things are a bit better. Dh is still pouting about missing his princess and his gkids but in time I hope he comes around. Funny how my overall health is getting better everyday. Stress can kill you.
At least his daily brain washing visits have ended.
Oh that's great to hear that
Oh that's great to hear that you are doing better! I absolutely believe that stress adds difficulty to any illness if it doesn't create the illness on its own (you know what I mean?). I love the comment about the daily brainwashing visit. That just made me laugh because that's exactly what it is. Two hours is a good distance away and it's such a drag that your DH has to feel like he misses baby darling princess. Hopefully he will miss her and the grand-kids less and less as time goes on. My DH used to be at his brat daughters beck and call until she phoned him , screaming obscenities. He finally then set a boundary. She's been out of our life for 9 months and it's been fabulous. We don't argue anymore! Amazing how one parasite can stress a marriage. I pray she stays gone. She tried to use the grand kid as a weapon. It didn't work as DH has only seen him 4 times in 3 years. My mental health has greatly improved since she went away. I'm just do pleased to hear you are doing well. Take care!
<< Amazing how one parasite
<< Amazing how one parasite can stress a marriage.>>
When I saw your post, I couldn't help but respond because what you said is SO true! I almost walked out on dh this summer because of SS20. All we did was fight all because his son was a parasite...living in our basement doing NOTHING...except drugs. Long story short, he left for rehab almost a month ago and dh and I haven't fought since...except when dh told me if his son was serious and doing well, he'd let him come back home. I almost came unglued! Hopefully, SS20 will be going to a halfway house after rehab as he's talking of doing. He certainly isn't mean like many adult SKs I read about on this forum, but 3 years of supporting him and having him turn around and disrespect us by using drugs in our home...I say ENOUGH. Unfortunately, he's not MY kid, so whatever dh does in regards to him, I have no say.
Just the way it is with stepparents, it seems.
Having raised 4 DDs myself, I had rather hoped I'd meet a man with DDs because I can relate to them (dh has 3 sons). But, after reading many posts, I think maybe SDs are worse than SSs. Rarely have I read a post where it's a SS causing problems.
Oh god it seems that SD's are
Oh god it seems that SD's are worse. I know there are some SS's that are awful that I have read about on this forum but is have to say, it seems that most of the conflicts are SM's and SD's. I'm glad you had a break from the fighting and I pray that your SS recovers from his addiction and that you guys can have a happy and peaceful home. If he comes back and relapses, I hope your husband is ready to kick him out. Good luck to you.
That's what I would ask:
That's what I would ask: What would happen if I needed help. SD didn't lift a finger to help when I had a broken leg and they came to visit. I made dinner, cleaned up after her, while she sat on her ass. From over 20 years experience with SD I know in my heart she wouldn't take me in. And as others have posted, they would try to find other resources rather than bring someone who hates them into their home.
On the other hand, I have a Sister who is quite ill right now. I wouldn't give it a second thought to bring her in if she needed it.