No space from SD
Forums:
My SD is 19, 20 in a couple of months. Refuses to help out around the house (lives with us) because she now works fridays and Saturday nights. Everytime my partner and myself arrange to do anything, eg lunch, dinner, drinks at the pub, walk around the village, anything!! She has to join us. If we do get the chance to do something by ourselves, she calls 24/7. I feel so trapped and smothered by her. My partner doesn't see it at all and almost enables it! How do i cope with this?!
I don't know what to advise
I don't know what to advise you but have been in your situation.
I ended the relationship.
Yesss!
Mine too. Ex SD and ex DH were the married couple. ex DH saw no problemo with the sick attachment.
OP there are 3 of you in this marriage. One of you should step aside. Ewww just typing that made me ill. But seriously its an emotional attachment between daddio and SD where YOU are the crazy one if you say this isnt right.
Next time you're going out
Next time you're going out with your partner and she tries to invite herself, just sweetly say, "No thanks, we don't need a chaperone at our age." And leave immediately. And thereafter, both your phone and his are turned off, better still, left in the car. She is nearly 20, what's going to happen to her that requires being able to call all the time?
Bottom line, if your SO doesn't understand that a romantic relationship requires alone time and that his daughter is not part of that relationship, then I don't see much of a future for you with him.
Doesn't she have any friends? Have you ever tried to invite yourself on her outings with her friends?
Have you told your partner how you feel?
Many years ago, I remember telling my late husband that I needed time alone with him. When he first moved in with his teen son that summer he assumed that whatever we were doing, it would include his son. That's what he was used to doing before we got together. I told him I needed 1:1 time and was not interested in being a 3-some. He took that to heart and it stopped. We still did some family things (we had other kids as well), but the 3-some ended after the night we had that talk. He has since passed.
I now have a new partner who has 2 kids (and I have 3), all young adults. My partner knows that I'm rarely interested in "family" things. We see the kids, we ocassionally do things with them but the default is apart, not together. I have one kid living with me and he has 1 living with him right now, but we spend most of our couple time being just a couple. Tell him you don't want a 3-some. If he doesn't care about that, he's not being a good partner and you should reconsider what this means for your future.