New to Steptalk
I have been stalking this site (on and off) for the past year or so. I want to thank everyone for sharing their life, thoughts, and advice. Everything has helped me so much. I don't feel so alone. People look at me as if I have 3 heads when insay I don't know howSD's are doing. As for me, I have been married to my DH for over 3 years. I do not have children. My DH has two two daughters ages 20 and 26. He was separated for 9 years and divorced for 3 years when we met. We dated for almost 2 years before we got married. DH explained his daughters were severely PAS'ed by BM since they were very young and now there is no contact except an occasional text from SD26. I saw the paperwork...and wow...this situation could be a book.
To date, I have never met the skids. They don't want to meet me and DH has has very limited contact (3-4 times) with the SD's where he took them out to dinner to give them Christmas presents. Of course this was after weeks of DH calling and texting the SD's to get back to him, being subjected to their rude last minute plans to allow DH to pick them up at BM's house complete with BM pacing back and forth furiously on her front porch. And of course neither SD ever gets DH a card, let alone a present. Neither wishes DH a good holiday. Nothing.
I should explain that for years DH had to call police
because BM would stand in front of his car, follow him to restaurants/church and cause scenes, etc. DH expected big trouble with BM if I was in the car, and frankly I can't be bothered with SD's who disrespect and ignore their father (unless they want money....last text request was for $5000 to pay on college loan), the BM drama, and SD's who don't want to meet me. DH and I are planning to move across the country in a couple of years. I can see that DH is spineless and has "doormat" stamped on his forehead when it comes to the SD's. The SD's have issues galore too. I only wish I had known what I truly was getting into with step life.
Is DH obligated to pay on
Is DH obligated to pay on college loan? Did he pay it as he was requested to? Does he want to buy their affection?
The last thing I would want to do is meet skids who had no interest in meeting me. They are the problem. Stay away. If you don't have to see them, DH is not spending a lot of time with them, then I don't have a good understanding of the problem, unless he is forking money over to entitled divas who don't give him (or you) the time of day.
My mind is boggled by people
My mind is boggled by people who tolerate this kind of manipulative evil crap from other people. Evil is evil and evil people have no business with access in the lives of others. Even if the evil spawn are one's own.
Time for DH to grow some nuts and cut off these toxic people. They may not have made the bed they are lying in, their BM did that, but they are choosing to remain in that bed and it is now their problem to ether perpetrate or fix.
Until they choose to fix it... they should be purged from DH's life. Zero contact, zero tolerance, zero support. Fix it or else. No compromise, zero tolerance.
IMHO of course.
Good luck.
Rags, Would you come and talk
Rags,
Would you come and talk to my DH? Puhleeeeeeze?
My husband would need an in
My husband would need an in house stay program with Rags...or maybe not, maybe he could fix him quicker than light speed. Either way, I say it is worth a try...LOL.
Rags Residential Treatment
Rags Residential Treatment Center for Disney Dads......too bad I couldn't get a catchy acronym out of that.
Love it...great name
Love it...great name Sacrificial....
What Rags said, I couldn't
What Rags said, I couldn't have put it better. Cutting them off has to be better than continuing to be their personal punching bag and/or ATM.
Agreed. The OP is lucky. Just
Agreed. The OP is lucky. Just leave that ish alone. I, too, need my DH to go to RAGS for inpatient treatment for DDD...Disney Dad Disorder. I will admit though it has gotten better but has taken years.
Thank you for your
Thank you for your replies.
SacrificialLamb: No, DH is not obligated to pay college loans. No, DH didn't pay the $5,000. to SD26. We don't have that kind of money to just hand out upon request. And no, DH doesn't seem to be buying their affection. He thinks giving them presents and chasing them for a crumb of their time is a "relationship." Truth is, the SD's are horrible to him. DH is a good man, but he's being punished repeatedly by them. And DH is in huge denial that there is no relationship with the SD's.
IMO, there is no relationship because BM poisoned the SD's so badly. The court psychologist paperwork is enough to make anyone cry.
Rags: My DH so needs to speak to you!!!! Thank you very much for your honesty. Yes, evil.
Your situation is much like
Your situation is much like mine but you have been MUCH luckier. For the first 20 years of our marriage SD was involved with DH, visited regularly, and was totally obnoxious. DH would do nothing. Finally she had a meltdown. DH chose to work on the marriage so she has shunned him for over 6 years - and it has been WONDERFUL. Whatever relationship DH has with the skids is something they have to sort out between them. It isn't worth your time to even give it space in your head. Count your blessings and make sure DH pays for gifts for them out of his own wallet, not yours.
I feel for both you and your
I feel for both you and your DH. This is a heartbreaking situation. I hope that he can gain clarity soon and start to protect himself and you from this toxic situation.
Oh sandye21, I truly cannot
Oh sandye21, I truly cannot imagine twenty very long years of disrespect. Good God, that is unbelievable. In my case, initially, I just could not. wrap my brain around why the SD's were treating DH so horribly. I saw the court psychologist paperwork, police reports galore on BM, then other paperwork where vicious BM wrote letters to DH's employer to get him fired (it didn't work), court related paperwork on BM's schemes to defraud SS (she got caught and had to repay), lies in court about school expenses when SD's had full scholarships oh, I could go on and on. DH always paid support and paid for many other things the SD's needed. The SD's know BM iniated the divorce, know BM lied about DH supppsedly abusing her once--the SD's told the court psychologist that they were there and that wasn't true. Yet BM raced to get a protective order on this lie, went home, promptly called the police, and had DH tossed out of his house with just the clothes on his back. DH never did get anything back. Then later, DH actually signed over his half of a pricey vacation home to BM ""so the SD's could vacation there,." DH was left with nothing except bills. It's clear from the recorded court psychologist meetings that the SD's were programmed and rigid. Since then the SD's have blamed DH for not doing enough to save the marriage, that everything is his fault, etc. I think you're right....I should count my blessings. Thank you.