New Here -
Hi Everyone,
I've been lurking here for a few weeks and finally decided to jump in.
I have been a SM for 23 years. We both had children prior to our marriage. I have 2 sons from my 1st and gained 1 SS and 1 SD with our marriage. My SS came to live with us when he was 12. His BM was using drugs. I love my SS to death and would do anything for him. We tried at 1 point to get my SD, but BM would never let that happen since it would of reduced her income to nothing. It was a wide ride to say the least. Thank goodness those days are over.
My biggest issue has always been with my SD. Back in the day when she would come for the weekend she would enjoy getting the boys in trouble at any cost. She would steal from all of us and when caught red handed, she would lie. Sunday nights when BD would take her back to BM, unbeknownst to us, she would jump out of BD car, all nice and sweet, then turn on the water works before entering her BM front door. Crying and carrying on, telling "stories" about how terrible we were. She was a master of manipulation from the early age of 5. All of the drama and hatred that she created from her BM towards her BD and me, disgusting. To this day, I still don't understand what the point of that was. It wasn't until some years later that we all sat down and discussed what had been going on. How we survived those years is beyond me. I know I was so stressed at times, it literally made me sick.
I guess what's eating at me now, is just how ungrateful she is. SD always lets us know months in advance what she'd like for her bday or xmas. That in it self is so rude, not to mention shes never reciprocates with a card or gift. This xmas, she couldn't even bother to say thank you for all of the gifts we sent for her family of 5!
I'm over it. I told my DH that this year for her bday, I'm going to mail her an empty envelope. It's the thought that counts right? At least we "thought" of you.....
Your DH shouldn't be giving
Your DH shouldn't be giving her ANYTHING. If he does, he's only rewarding her bad behaviour and encouraging her to keep it up.
SD13 in our case has shown nothing but resentment and outright hostiity since DH and I started dating. When we moved in together, she was furious and now refuses to visit. BM completely supports her 100%. Since I've been with DH, SD has never given him a Father's Day gift or Xmas gift. On her 13th birthday last year, DH gave her a kindle 'cos she loves books. When SS gave it to her, she got very upset and talked about throwing it away. DH expected this, and told SS if she did this, then to tell SD to give it to SS instead of throwing it away - don't know what happened after that.
Her attitude worsened and she got really upset when I went to SS' farewell at Primary School with DH's Mom & her partner. She told SS "why should islandgal have been there when Dad wasn't? Now she's taking away Nana!". Such foolishness! This is all in her head with BM's encouragement. We also went to SD's presentation but she was outright rude and hostile in front of everyone and embarrassed us for being there.
So, for her 2013 Xmas present, DH discussed with me, and we decided to just give her a card with nothing in it, and no gift. DH was on board originally, and wrote the card out while I had a shower. When I got out of the shower, I went downstairs and picked up the card to sign. DH had already signed it from both of us, and .. there was $100 in it. I took the money straight out (in front of DH and SS), and handed it to DH. I told him he needed to stick to his guns and mean what he says. I made it clear that she didn't deserve ANYTHING due to her attitude. SS agreed and even asked if she should even get a card. I told him, yes, because I didn't want SD playing the victim again and running around telling everyone she got NOTHING from us. She could say she got a card and.. THAT'S ALL .. but I know this will make people wonder what she'd done to deserve this.
Her attitude towards DH is downright nasty. She believes he owes HER respect. She insists that SHE was the one who took care of him, worried over him etc etc.. he is outraged as he was the one supporting SD and SS from 0-12 years old. Until her attitude changes and she realises that the world doesn't revolve around her, she can stay at home with her precious hostility for comfort.
I would NEVER reward my boys bad behaviour. If they don't know how to be grateful, they get absolutely NOTHING.