It is so depressing to think that I just wasted 26 years of my life on scum. Never in my life did I think that his ds would end up possessing his df and my dh prioritizing his ds over a 26 year marriage. I feel rather worthless that I have counted for nothing in my marriage. It scares me that I was so dillusional these entire years, that I thought that my dh loved me.

I tried very hard to blend ss into our family. He just refused, never used to greet me. Would just look at his dad. If he called our house he would just say "Dad, are you there on voice mail". Try to sit between me and his father in the theater and other venues, so that he got to sit with his dad. Found out that he also did this to his mother's husband and his dds. He has called my dh every day, sometimes starting at 5:30 am. On ds and my vacations would call beging around 7:00 am. On our first day as husband and wife, dh spent the day with his ds because ss want to watch a game with him on tv. Absolutely no boundaries. He kicked my dog, threw a dorm sized refrigerator at my son. He is also an alcoholic and the one girlfriend he did have accused him of stalking. Very scary man.

Unfortunately the State I live in is not a community property state. It sucks. The "Love" blinders are off. I just looked at a picture of him and it upset my stomach. He cancelled my credit cards while I am an other State and I just had to be towed to my mothers house because the car would not start. His ds has a credit card that my dh pays for and I am sure he has not cancelled it. I am just so angry that I slept with a man who would only shower approximately every 7 days. Yuck! What is wrong with me!!

In a matter of weeks my entire life has changed and it started because I voiced my disappointment about my dh spending the morning and afternoon with his ds, instead of my dh spending it with me the day before I left. I am literally in shock and really do not know how to proceed. My inclination is to literally just run away from the toxic environment. It has been horrific. I have been in counseling due to the issues for a couple of years. I finally convinced my dh into marital counsel but after a couple of weeks and as soon as I brought up issues with his ds he quit.

I am on antidepressants, anti-anxiety medication for the day and a different anti-anxiety medication for sleeping. I have fibromyalgia, and when at home my diabetes blood sugar has run into the 500's even though I faithfully take my meds and watch what I eat. I am always itching my legs, arms, head that I look like a heroin addict. The itching disappeared as soon as I got away to my mothers and my blood sugar has normalized.

What is strange is that when I found out that I had diabetes my dh went to the candy store and literally bought over 10 pounds of specialty candy over a $100 worth for me and then a few months later for Christmas he bought me around 8 bottles of specialty liquors such as Lady Godiva white chocolate liquor, amarreto, Kalhua all very sweet liquors. I did not touch either of the gifts.

I was thinking of staying with him until the end out of spite. But, my health is declining and I feel much better when I am away from him. I never thought that the end of my marriage would occur while I was away visiting my mother.

Two days to go before I fly back and I am so nervous. Just do not know how he will be with me. I wish I could think of a positive mantra that I could repeat when I feel stressed out being near dh. It is so crazy that his ds managed to maneuver everything to his benefit. If you have a positive mantra please share it with me. I will print it out and repeat it when things get tough.

My dh is a big bully. However when we have a disagreement he runs into his office and closes the door. He has never apologized for anything. He just sits in his office for days until I come around to him and then he leaps up to restore things to normal. He has been generous with everyone else but me. Which I consider quite strange as to why he would want me to have nothing. I always assumed it is a tactic to make sure I never leave him. I do not know if anyone has experienced this or have any assumptions about it.

Dh sent me an email yesterday as I was scheduled to fly back home later that day. He basically said that I do not need the expense of staying in a hotel room and to consider staying at home. That he would be cordial and civil and treat me with respect. I could also use the car. He basically forgot that he bought the car as a gift for me, however it is in his name.

My son and grandchildren were supposed to pick me up, but dh insisted on picking me up and it got very awkward for my ds so he relented.

In the post-nup my dh stated that I could keep my fur coat that he had bought used and I have owned for 16 years. So while in Arizona, one luxury I allowed myself was a new coat as a sign of my new independence. When I walked out of the airport he did a double look at my coat as he had brought a tattered old rain coat for me to wear. I could sense his nostrils flaring up behind me. That was the end of being civil as he did not talk to me on 45 minute ride to the hotel room. I tried conversing by asking how are the gkids, has it snowed etc. he gave one word reponses. I got in at 11:00 pm and it was a 7 hour plane ride. He knows I have diabetes and did not ask me if I wanted something to eat or drink. Or, I needed anything before we got to my hotel room. Did not ask what time I wanted to be picked up, nothing. He brought my suitcase to the door of my room, would not bring it into the room and left.

I am still quite perplexed why my coat the impact it had on him to the point that he gave me the silent treatment. Even though he had previously communicated that he was anxious to have me be home and said that he would be respectful and cordial. Any ideas?

With the post-nup he argued that it was his money and there is no reason for him to give me his money should we divorce. He yelled and yelled about that. At the time I found his statement to be reasonable. However, I was quite ill at the time and could not work and really had much strength or resources to counter argue and I just gave in.

What bothers me the most is that no matter how long we are married 30-40 years that is what I get. And it makes no sense to me that he passed on $30,000 of his inheritance to his sister who at the time also inherited $150,000 from his father. She is married retired school teacher, husband is an engineer. They own 2 homes, one on a lake. Yet she deserves more money than I do. He also gave his son close to a quarter million dollars which he spent during a few years of being an alcoholic. It has been hard to know that when compared to these individuals I am at the bottom of the totem pole.

Anyway, I just talked to him on the phone and he was upset that I did not go directly home. I told him I needed to sort my things and he relayed to me that he had prior arrangements to spend the afternoon with his son. If he really wanted to work on our relationship, he would not have scheduled watching the game with him my first day back.

What I am complaining about is that he thinks that my life with him whether it is 26,36, 46 years together is only worth $25,000. Whereas he thinks that his sister is entitled to $30,000 which he freely gave to her 4 years ago, he freely gave his son around a quarter of a million.

What was funny to me was that today he picked me up so that I could get my car. On the way I asked him stop at dunkin donuts as I had not eaten in 24 hours and I am diabetic, I told him that I was getting donuts for the gkids and coffee for me, he did not want anything and he hands me $3.00 as his contribution to the cost, even though his wallet was full of cash. I thought it was rather funny that he was behaving that way. I let him know I could afford to pay.

I am still in the hotel, and it is glorious to be here. I purchased a bouquet of flowers and they smell so good. I feel good, the fear of what I was coming too is gone.

He looks like a ton of bricks fell on his head.

Yes, I did sign the post-nup and I plan to honor my side of the contract by not challenging it. Integrity is integrity. I am posting because after all these years I have had it with my ss47 having priority over me in my marriage and my dh yelling at me if I say anything about his son. I do not know why I put up with it for so long. Speaks volumes about me accepting the abusive tendencies. I think I am more angry about that.

I am still in a hotel, and for the first time in 26 years my dh called yesterday morning to apologize for giving me the silent treatment. I went over to the house and talked with Dh yesterday evening and told him what my plans are. To get my car and my legal documents plus other important items,and that I will be coming by to sort my things out to mail them to AZ, and to see my grandkids. I also told him that the home I lived in does not feel like home anymore, that if feels awkward for me to be there. That I do not want to leave in anger. That we did not work as we each have different priorities. That I no longer want to deal with him yelling at me and the silent treatment. That at 62 years of age, I do not need to deal with crap. That I feel liberated! He offered to cook a steak for me. I rejected the offer.

Tommar I have been drinking coffee first thing in the morning before I eat anything for 40+ years. If I was death row and they asked me what was the last thing I wanted to drink. I would reply coffee. I am sure that there are others coffee lovers out there. The only reason I did not eat is that there was nothing within walking distance and I did not have a car. Once I got to dunkin donuts I had a bagel with cream cheese to hold me over. Strangely, my blood sugar levels the last few days have been lower than they have in over a year.

I truly believe that stress has affected my blood sugar levels forever. At one point when I was living at home and even though I was carefully monitoring my blood sugar, it went over 500 which was emergency room dangerous if it went a little higher. I told my dh that I might need to go to the emergency room, instead his ds called and wanted to hangout and he left me.

My dear friend was shocked to see all the medicine I need to take daily about 14 different pills, and about 7 of those are taken several times a day, for all sort of ailments. She said that only time she has seen someone take that amount of medicine was someone she knew that had cancer.

I feel quite sad that I have lived the life I have for the last 26 years. It was a waste of precious life and potential. That although I tried to disengage from my ss, he still got to impact my life tremendously in a negative way. That my dh chose him, instead of me.

In the meantime, I have been showered with pennies from heaven. I have not worked in quite a while and have no assets other than my 1998 car and minimal savings. I applied for my own credit cards from reputable banks, as dh cancelled my credit cards under his accounts, and I was approved with substantial credit limits. I was even approved for a card under my own name from the bank he has credit cards with. It shocked me as I was quite honest, when I talking to one of the bank officers and I told him that I am unemployed and have not worked in quite a while and that other than my car I had no assets other than the amount I have saved. He still submitted my application.

My dear friend was shocked, she said her son, who has been consistently employed, has been having a hard time getting a credit card from one of the banks I received it from. I am also in shock, as I cannot explain why I was approved. I am feeling very fortunate.

I had put my mail on hold at the post office and I was to pick up the mail on Wednesday. Unfortunately they also held my dh mail. He called them and somehow managed to convince them to deliver his mail yesterday, however they delivered my mail along with his and he opened my mail, which he never used to. One was a credit card, so he got to see that I was approved. Time to open a P.O. box.