At my witts end....
A little background, I got engaged and moved in about a year and a half ago. I was under the impression that he was going to go away for college and live in the dorms, so I was OK with moving in and waiting it out. But I was wrong! He decided to go to a local school and not move out! When I first moved into the home I would cook and clean up after everyone on a daily basis, but as time went by I started getting irritated with the blatant disrespect for the household. My future stepson is now 18 years old and LAZY!! It got to the point where he wouldn't even flush the toilet! He would use at least 3 to 4 different glasses a day and would leave them for me to clean. Leaves his clothes in the dryer, but to make matters worse he would go into the dryer and take out a shirt and still leave the rest of his clothes in the dryer, not to mention the blanket of lint he leaves in the lint trap, and I am supposed to take his clothes out and put them in his closet (not happening). He has never worked a day in his life, but expects to be given everything. He has no responsibilities in our house, which I have a problem with. He can't seem to do anything for himself, if there isn't cooked food, he will call his Dad and tell him to bring him food or just go to his grandparents (who live upstairs) and eat them out of house and home. I have talked to his Dad about this on numerous occasions and seems to be falling on deaf ears. He told him his "responsibilities" which is to take out the trash and wash his own dishes and people are not allowed over if no one is home. Well he doesn't do any of his "chores", and if he does, it's because we had to tell him to do them, he has friends over when we go out of town, blasts his music when I'm watching TV. His Dad told me to type out the chores and that he will give it to him, but that was 4 months ago and still nothing! Now we also have a 3 year old daughter that is currently in our room since there isn't another bedroom, the plan was to move her into his room when he moved out, but since he didn't move out and it seems like he has no plans to move out anytime soon, since he has no job, or no plans to get one or for that matter has no ability to take care of himself, I have no idea what to do other than to leave our home and not come back until he has moved out.
If anyone is in the situation or has any advice, it would be greatly appreciated, because we are on the verge of calling it all off or me moving out until there is a change.
It's ultimately going to be
It's ultimately going to be up to DH to actually change any of this, but there may be some ways around his behavior to keep you sane.
1. Don't do his laundry. Give him a laundry basket to keep in his room, if the clothes pile up, so be it, he'll be the one without anything to wear. If he leaves them in the dryer, place them in a basket and set them in his room. If he wants unwrinkled clothes, then he'll have to fold them up and put them up.
2. Don't do his dishes. Leave them in the sink. When they pile up, let Dh know that his son didn't wash his dishes, and either he can A) Get his son to wash his own dishes or
Wash them himself.
3. When he blasts his music, unplug the radio and take it from him.
Those are just a few ideas, based on your blog. How did his son behave before you lived there?
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"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
Those are all great
Those are all great ideas!!
We used to have magnetic locks on the kitchen cupboard doors (I don't know if you can get the same ones in America) I found out by accident that if you can't find the key (which is a v powerful magnet) that you can't open the doors!! If you can use something similar and just leave out plates etc for him... or put the plates and bowls etc that he dirties into his room that might help as well.
What is with this?
What is with this? Geesh...I got my worker's permit as soon as I turned 15 - I was ecstatic to get a job and make my own money! You can spend your own money on anything! He is 18 - he has to understand the whole concept of this? For what reason does that boy NOT have a job. I would tell DH if he wants to continue to live with you - there will be guidelines. First and foremost,
He has 1 month to get a job!
and he BETTER start doing his chores or he is out the door.
Thanks for all the
Thanks for all the feedback!! I have already set aside a set of dishes for him, which seems to be working since now he just goes to his grandparents house and eat up their food, but now I feel bad for them. But I will run a few ideas to his Dad and see if we can get on the same page, because something has got to give and I think I have given all that I can! UGGGH!