It is really amazing how many of us SMs feel like you do - and for good reason. What is even MORE amazing is that our DH's get offended because we no longer want to cater to their obnoxious offspring - because our DH's did not do their jobs of showing respect for us in front of the skids.

You wrote that they need to earn your respect back. So does your DH. Getting angry with you is the easy way out.

They weren't included last year for the very same reasons. Nothing has changed. Why would husband think they'd be included this year.

DH seems to think you'll just eventually get over it. Whether he's truly an "idiot" or perhaps was so sick that he doesn't realize the extent his kids went from abandoning him and you during his lengthy illness, I don't know.

Enjoy your holidays with your family and pay no attention to husband's attempt to guilt you. His children and he can go out and play 'happy fake family'. You know you'll never see that money back and it would seem Dad has forgiven the breach. That's fine. They're his kids and he has that 'unconditional love' thing to lean on. But both were disgustingly cold and cruel to you when your husband was so sick and they shut your pleas for help out. You owe these uncaring ungrateful brats nothing.

I have also planned many holiday events in our home during December - one of which was having all of DH's siblings and their families over for a Christmas dinner. DH asked if SS30 and his pregnant GF could come - and I said no.

I do not negotiate with terrorists nor do I entertain aholes in my home. Sure DH was all butt hurt for a day or two but he got over it. I told him when he said "when is this going to end?" - "I do not prevent you from seeing SS".

DH can go see SS whenever he wants. But of course there would be consequences if he abandons me all the time. I am just so glad that I really feel that I have control over MY life. I do not have to put up with crap nor will I. I am financially stable, have many friends, do not have children that I would have to share if I ever divorced.

I do not want to be divorced. But I love knowing that no man can hold the threat of divorce over me.

I do not want to be divorced and have worked very hard to put my marriage back together this past year. If two people don't work at it; it's over. My marriage is over. I have 36 years invested in my emotional security, as well as a nice home and property. If I divorce, grown SD (who is our only problem) will walk right thru the door for the $$$$. SD lives up the street and never helps with DH (he's disabled). In my mind she is dead. She has burned so many bridges, I couldn't list them, over the past 36 years.

So my solution is to be the care taker and live with my decision. During the holidays it is very difficult. I will never go to my Skid's again for a holiday dinner and I will never invite them again to my home.

I am also taking care of my 99 year young Father, who lives 3 hours away (one way), in another State; I do have friends and family helping there, thank God. So I am caring for two men that don't have a clue.

I get thru it by looking around me and knowing that other families have more problems than I. I have a beautiful home and security to get me thru the days. I have friends and family members that support me emotionally. My home is decorated for Christmas and I have plans to spend it with my Father, while DH goes up the street to his Princess. I will be home for Christmas night to have Christmas with DH, only out of obligation.

I will never go back on my disengagement from my SD, so hang in there Ruby55. I have enough on my plate; this woman will never get another moment of my time. DH sulks, pouts, feels sorry for himself; I don't care, because I get no respect from DH or SD and they sit around and create depression, hate, and discontent. It's all about them; I just hope I live long enough to have KARMA visit.

Merry Christmas