My adult stepson and my 9 year old daughter
This is my situation, i have a 24 year old stepson, i-ve been married for almost 3 years now with my husband who is 20 years older than me, we have a 8 month old baby boy and i have a 9 year old daughter from a previous marriage, we-ve only lived together for about 4 months now since i am not from this country, so i came here after we finalized the immigration process which took about too years for me and my daughter, my daughter is still in my country and will be comming in a month or two. My husband-s son is as i said 24 years old, he was always a problem child and practically just came out of jail, he is really inconsiderate to his father and everyone else, but that-s not even the big issue, we live in a very small two bedroom apartment and of course one of the rooms is his.. while my husband and i have sleep with our baby in our room because well, there is no space... we have gone to some counseling because of this situation, my husband understands how i feel after a lot of "convincing" and after the counselor told him i wasn-t wrong about my feelings. the counselor told him that his son ( who has a job) needed to move out before my daughter came here... at the time, he agreed... but i know my stepson doesn-t want to move out and i am not sure my husband will do anything about it since in the conversation i was having with him a few days ago, he sugested that my 9 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER shared the closet in the room with his 24 YEAR OLD SON ( he of course would make his son live the room so my dauther and our little boy sleep there).... so it seems he is still planning for his son to be here... i told him, i would never allow my daughter to sleep in an unsecure room next to a GROWN MAN that just came out of jail.. whether it was his son or not... my husband didn-t really say much after that... but the fact that he-d even mention this makes me sick to my stomach.... help... i just want to go back home, i-ve left everthing to come to this country, my family, my daughter for a few months, I feel really depressed with this situation, I don-t know what to do, sometimes I just feel like asking my husband for a divorce because I don-t want to deal with this.
I understand how you feel.
I totally agree w/ you here. You need to be sure your husband sees that his ADULT son leave your place and fend for himself. I didn't quite understand the sentence in parentheses about the closet and your two bio children. Was your husband proposing the younger two share the room? Was he saying where he viewed his adult son at that time?
If you need to, you must get your husband back to the therapist. He needs to be 100% on board w/ you here. There is no way any young girl would appropriately be sharing a room w/ any adult male. Sorry, just no way. The fact that he has problems and has a criminal record only reinforces how sick that proposal is.
You've sacrificed for this man. I assume you love him? Did you meet him in your country and only come here for him? Regardless, you have your family and this adult son is a MAN and needs to take responsibility for himself!
Run back to the therapist as soon as you can. Drag your husband w/ you.
I'm living in an uncomfortable situation w/ my adult stepdaughter now for 6 months, but she is "normal" other than not wanting to live independently. My story is further down on the list, but like your husband, mine talked a nice talk, "This is temporary...3-4 months tops..." but he won't TELL HER IT'S TIME TO LEAVE THE NEST! It's driving me nuts as it's so disruptive to my 3 young sons...
Good luck and keep posting,
Dana
Protect Your Daughter
Imatress, you are absolutely right to look out for your little girl. I can't claim I have bio-kids, but I have 5 skids and 7 nieces and nephews and if my 18-y.o. nephew was supposed to share a room with my 11-y.o. niece (his cousin) I would protest BIG-TIME!!! If my 14-y.o. SS was to share with her, even more so!
Maybe he's no threat, but a jail record is a very good reason for you to worry. If DH won't kick the very adult SS out, then put your daughter on the couch or better, at the foot of your bed and see just how long DH lives with THAT arrangement. His son is more than old enough to live on his own.
I understand the immigration thing is a problem - do you have family here who can care for your daughter until your "probation" is up or until DH comes to his senses?
Blueberry's Baby
Share a room? No way!
Frankly, I wouldn't be sharing a HOME with this guy, let alone have my young daughter share a bedroom with him. He's 24, he's employed, he's an adult, he has a record and he needs to get out. And if your DH doesn't boot him out, then he's got serious priority problems. I agree with the above... drag him back to counseling. And in the meantime, until his son actually moves out, tell your husband that HE can share a room with his son and YOU will share a room with your children.
~ Anne ~
"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission."
-Eleanor Roosevelt
Well, to answer the
Well, to answer the questions, no he wasn-t proposing they shared a room but that, somehow my stepson would sleep in the living room and share the closet with my daugther, yes, i do love my husband he is a very good man, i met him in my country and yes he is the only reason why i came here, i have no family here, i don-t know anyone, my family in my country is taking care of her until we go to bring her back which will be in about a month, i feel really unconfortable because i didn-t want to be the "mean stepmom" but when it comes to my little girl is diferent, and i did sugest my husband that, i told him that if his son was still here then we-d have to get my daughter a bed to put in our room with us...of course, he didn-t like that one..
I did read about your situation and i know is not a nice one either, i don-t remember if you went to counseling with your husband if you didn-t, maybe that will help you a little bit more, thing were much worse a month or two ago when i got here and they have gotten a little better after counseling... until this last comment from my husband really got to me...but when you have irresponsible ADULT children... even when they are adults i do know half of it is their parent-s fault, for spoiling and forgiving bad behaviours.