You are really playing it wisely.  You are supporting your DH yet keeping a ceratin distance back to allow him to deal with SD on his own.  Good going.

How much does he care about being a grandfather? My DH just really isn't into it.  His grandson is now 3.  When I banned SS and his GF from my life almost 2 years ago, they tried the "DH can't see the baby because he won't make his wife behave (let them use all of my belongings)".   My DH just ignored it.  Not sure what all happened, but I know DH does see the child - but not in our home. 

I.have no problem with DH seeing his son, the GF or the Gchild - as long as it doesn't involve me.  I am not a part of their life.

DH has 2 adult  Daughters (36, 29) I have no relationship with either one, as a result of years of rude and selfishness on their part. There have been discussions and convos regarding several issues over the years but it all comes down to the same thing. They are spoiled and enabled and I have for my health decided to disengage and rejoice at not having to have a relationship with them and made this a new condition of our marriage... which the option is, I leave. I am 64 and cannot take the pressure and wrath of his narcissistic daughters. They are takers and totally self absorbed. Have not spoken since a family gathering last summer. Story to long to tell and goes back to years of finger pointing and jealousy. They do not like father telling them when they are wrong and 1 is now giving the silent treatment to father. Have been given a long leash with a very low bar of expectations. DH afraid they would get mad so he never confronted about behavior and lack of respect. Told DH that I am disengaging from them for good and Will not talk to either. one is only interested in telling her side of story, Other is radio silence (she’s a guidance counselor-LOL) and thinks that’s the best way to get him back. I am not interested in talking. I can’t stay in this marriage with out these terms. I need peace and to care and love my adult children who are warm and caring and sensitive and know my future is going to be peaceful. As you all know, manipulate girls will always look to make trouble and pain for others so I am not feeling confident this peace will last. I also have guilt over being a wedge between DH &  his kids but they hate me anyway. I am not up to make up but after 15 years of dealing with this I know the pattern. DXW has been out of contact. I told him not interested in her either. We live in a small upstate NY town so it’s only a matter of time before we run into each other. I’m a grown woman who daily ponders if this is worth it. 

I think at this point of time, the support you are giving to your husband is quite appreciable. Hope time sets everything right for you and your family!

I wrote SS34 and his GF off two years ago. I do not see them, talk to him or even mention their names.     DH is free to see them away from me as long as he is not canceling any plans we have. 

It’s not been a problem. Works great. 

If DH (age 65) dropped dead I wouldn’t even call SS. 

its ridiculous that they’re unacceptable pathetic behaviour turned into guilting dad for behaving unacceptably or out of line. Like a few others here posted how their skids are narcissistic manipulators and sponge off you when it suits them, so to are mine. Ss20 (almost 21) lives with us when on university breaks, sd23 & 14 live interstate, bio mum made a fake illness where she couldn’t walk, sd23 took sd14 to live with her when by law she should have contacted their dad but due to major pas aggression and bio mum kidnapping the girls since almost 6 yrs ago, hubby only had them reinitiate contact mid last year where eldest blamed hubby for destroying their mums life by divorcing her in mid 2008.

your mum was never a mother, didn’t want to get pregnant with any of the 3 kids and did her best to prevent a pregnancy, then never nurtured you but spent hubbys money like crazy as astay at home housewife except never did any housework. Hubby kept this to himself, he saw no way outas exwife manipulated him so bad and eventually my fil said to hubby, divorce her, this isn’t a life to live

so instead of taking responsibility for their actions and pathetic behaviour, its the blame game and manipulative tactics which all 3 skids do. They actually make their love and attention dependent on hubbys financial assistance to them... i am raising our 2 toddlers that they respect and appreciate their parents unconditionally for alk they do to raise them and that this is never dependenton getting pocket money/allowances so you don’t have to get off your arse and launch/become financially independent as an adult.

i’ve given up on the arguing, my stance is as long as my kids are minors, they will not be subjected to skids toxicity, hubby has told them in future they are to come to our home for visits and so-called quality family time. 5 months on and no visit, sd23 lives a few streets away from hubbys work and he offered to take her to lunch one day and its never happened. She got her current job because the deputy ceo is hubbys friend despite laughing how she sat in silence during the interview when others were way more qualified and experienced than her. She even tried getting hubby to pull strings for her cousin from mums side to work at his company despite clearly failing the interview. Bio mums family are just failures at life and sponge off others.

so for now as long as my kids are minors they will not be forced to spend time with their half sibling being completely ignored, subjected to unacceptable behaviour and treatment. Skids behaviour i don’t believe will ever change and i don’t see our kids wanting a relationship with their half siblings.

i have told my husband as long as this unacceptable behaviour and treatment is allowed, there will never be a united family as he thinks in his head is possible...i am at peace with that for now and worry about taking care of our kids and our home and hubby as best i can. Ss20 is nothing but.a guest in our home, he doesn’t behave like an integrated family member 

1 think i noticed is how dysfunctional and socially awkward the skids and exwife are and hubbys family know it. My hubbys niece and nephews really grill ss20 because they simply can’t comprehend how he treats me and our kids who are his half siblings. When you have your kids 1st cousins whom we meet maybe 3x a year at most being more affectionate and showing more attention and love to your kids than their half brother, something is wrong with that! When your kids actually jump asking in excitement for their aunts/uncles or cousins to pick them up and hug them but scream at the site of their half brother, something is wrong with that!

any body who justifies sa behaviour is just making excuses for that. Its hard to come to peace with your decisions at times but it is what it is. Don’t dwell on it and get on with life. I believe in karma and people who treat others like crap will get left behind and envy others who succeed at life but thats their own bloody fault

Toxic adults are a write off.  Even when they are our children.  Their own children are sadly little more than collateral damage caused by their toxic breeder parents.

Sadly these toxic POS Skid adults use their own spawn as bait to hook any directly related or step adult stupid enough to take the bait.

While noble....the effort you are making to be supportive of your DH to engage with his toxic POS daughter is overwhelmingly likely to be for naught.  The odds of a reasonable outcome with his toxic POS daughter and her bait progeny are slim and none.  Past behavior being the best predictor of future performance...  SD will not change.  The investment in attempting to recover a relationship with her and having a quality relationship with her as yet to be born daughter will far more likely than not be for naught. 

I can predict right now that my manipulative SD will decide soon to get married and demand my DH not bring me. She's mentally ill. Then, down the road she will have kids and tell her dad he can't see them if I am around. She'll want money though for all of it. We know exactly what they will do. Set your standards low. Live with zero expectations. If they surprise you and act normal, be thankful.