just not enough love, when is enough enough
one of the reasons that many of our dhs do the things they do (or dont do) is they dont love us enough.
in my case i truly think dh is still hung up on bm. the divorce happened 20 years ago. bm ran away with a lover when dh was in the military overseas. the lover had a wife at the time. bm then left to marry her lover and take the skids. (lover divorced his wife.) dh was obsessed with bm and wanted her back even after she ran off with her lover. he begged her to come back.
in the years away from the skids out of state, dh became the ultimate disney dad and skids really used this to their advantage.
when we married, the skids were still small, and the fun began when they hit the teens. then they grew their mini wife wings.
anything i do cant seem to measure up to the bm: cooking, cleaning, etc. seems like anything i do is not good enough.
today i counted him telling one sd sweetie three times in one phone call. i never get that. the skids call him at least once a day and text at least four times a day. this is an adult young woman who is engaged to be married.
its hell playing second fiddle.
DH is allowing himself to
DH is allowing himself to participate in emotional incest if he is treating his daughters like wives (except for sex). This can happen even in an intact marriage with a parent treating a child like a spouse.
I am hearing that you don't feel loved. Have there been any conversations between you and DH about what it would take for you to feel loved? You would have to be careful not to bring the SD's into the conversation, just state that you are not feeling loved and what can be done by him to remedy that. If he can call his daughters "sweetie" you know it is in his vocabulary.
If you are not getting compliments and hear remarks about how well someone else does these same things (cooking, cleaning, etc) it can sure feel like criticism. Is this want is happening? I have to "remind" my DH once in a while that I do not feel appreciated when it is not noticed that I go the extra mile for meals or other things. I DO NOT point out to him that he gives his kids compliments and extra attention. BTDT and it backfires. Men have to be reminded periodically. If you don't tell them otherwise, they think everything is OK.
If he is openly criticizing you to ANYONE then ignore everything I said and take punkin's advice.
thank you all for the
thank you all for the comments. dh does not love bm, in fact, he says he will always hate her for what she did while he was overseas in military and for taking the skids to marry her lover. he also considers her the big mistake. in the end, two marriages were destroyed by the adultery of these two. 20 years down the road, the husband/lover found a mistress.
i never understood just how some women can cheat with the husband of another woman, then think the same wont happen to them.
correction on this. he did not criticize me to sd. he just does this to me.
i have to remind dh of his "first time around" for perspective. it gets him to see the bigger picture.
once the skids grow up, marry and have lives of their own, their obsession being the minis will fade and dh will have to focus on other things. its already happening. one sd is engaged to be married and will move out of state. i am disengaged enough to where i no longer get truly hurt. and, as you all have observed, leaving is always an option.