This is the second marriage for both of us. Me F48, Him M50. We have been together for almost 7 years. Married for 3. My three children, now 25-30, were already out and on their own for a year when he and I met. His kids were 14? and 16M. The question mark is on purpose as Diva is bio male, then came out as gay, and now wants to transition to female. 

H had been divorced 13 years, I was divorced 6 years. I was very hesistant to get involved beyond casual dating because I didn't want to raise more kids. I had raised a neice and my three children since the age of 16 and did NOT want to raise more. But, the only way is can describe it is, he felt like home. 

Brief but twisted SKIDS history. When I moved in, bio mom was in jail. She had dropped her kids off at her grandparents house one day and never went back for them. H hadn't seen a reason to file for full custody until then. But, he did have the kids and was still paying her child support since she had been arrested. Drunk Driving. H works a rotating 12 hr, 2 weeks schedule. Him and the kids' schedule went like this: Workdays start at 6 am, kids are in different school district. Drop kids off at great grandma's house by 5:30 so they could go to school. Pick them up at 6:30. Stack three showers, nightly chores and dinner. Bed for him by 8. Up at 4 am. 

I proposed taking them to school and picking them up so that they would have a more normal life. Plus great grandma was in her 80s. I encourage H to get full legal custody. And he did. For the remainder of the school year and into summer, everything was fine. The new school year started and Diva became Diva. She had come out as gay during the summer, it wasn't a suprise to her family. After school started, I was in the assistant principal's office about every 2 weeks. She claimed that she was being bullied. After a couple of months, the assistant principal asked to speak with me privately. Turns out that Diva had been claiming bullying since elementary school. It was never discovered that she had been bullied. But! She was guilty of bullying herself on several occasions. He told me that she has ADHD and was likely off her meds. 

That was the first diagnosis I learned about. Conduct disorder, in children, was the second. In adults, it's known as Antisocial Personality Disorder. And Oppositional Defiant Disorder was the third. At this point, H and I weren't married. I should have cut and run.

Over the remaining school years, the cops would show up for a bomb threat. I called them several times because she would refuse to get in the car to come home until the police forced her or offered to take her to the juvie. The school called me to pick her on several occasions and she spent most of her school time in detention. The last two weeks of school were the worst. I was called because she had decided to skip classes and roam the halls or hide in the bathroom. When confronted, she flew into a rage and starting screaming that the staff were all homophobes. She was suspended for the remainder of the school year but was allowed the last two days of the year for exams. The last day, she had skipped all of her exams and was strutting around the school yelling "Homophobe!" and bucking her shoulders at any staff who tried to speak to her. The assistant principal, a new one since this was the year we sent her to our school district, was alerted. At that point Diva decided to agressively get into the man's face and chase him and scream "Homophobe!" And a slew of insults at him. She chased him into his office where he called the police, was expelled and brought home by the police. We were told that to continue school, she would have to enroll into the alternative and take all of her classes online. She was discouraged from ever placing another foot on school property.

She had enough credits combined with the alternative's lower credit allocation to finish high school by 2021. She turned 21 this March (2024) and finally graduated in May 2024.

She lived with her mother the summer of 2019. The house went from being difficult to breathe in to light and airy and comfortable. She came back that fall with a vape and a THC pen and plenty of refill cartridges. Not to mention a ton of weed. I complained and complained that she shouldn't and legally couldn't do this for another 5 years. H pointed out that we did the same thing at our age. Since then Diva sits in her room, vapes, gets high, refuses to help around the house. And guess who has provided the vape and THC? H has. 

If this was the only issue, I probably wouldn't be weighing the pros and cons of divorce. I've been called stupid, fat, ugly, bitch. I'm not stupid! Call me whatever but the kid can't tell time, can't read a recipe, doesn't know the 12 months of the year, etc.

The last straws were brought on by our first and last vacation. Diva acted like a diva. Wasted food, begged for everything, placed stupid at mini golf, complained about her back pain. (I have fibromyalgia and had a spinal fusion for scoliosis, leaving me with a 38-40 degree curve in the better (lower) part of my S curve.) Her back pain was brought on by my renting a wheelchair and H and Good Stepson pushing me around a park we visited. 

On the way home, she couldn't eat an entire mac and cheese from Chick FillA. Her brother told her that she needed to get a job in order to understand money and how she was wasting all of ours. She said that not being able to eat shouldn't corelate to getting a job and she would live her life the way she wanted and it was only up to her when she would grow up and get a job. H said that if that was her plan, she should consider moving in with her grandma. Grandma's is where mom is living. But mom is in jail again. I said that shouldn't be H's default solution, empty threats. 

Out of no where, Diva walks up to me, from behind, breathing down my neck and says say it to my face. I turn around and ask her to repeat herself. She screams say it to my face. So I stand tip-toed as close as I can get to her face. And told her what I had said. That I wasn't talking to her or about her and to never dare me to anything. She's 21, it may be assault but it'll be adult on adult assault. Then she began crying as we made our way to the parking lot and into the car, where she has to sit in the front or she'll be carsick. Of which I have never seen evidence. My sister has severe carsickness. I've seen it since childhood. 

We start pulling out and I start trying to calm her down. As soon as I opened my mouth, she turned the car radio up ful volume. H turned it back down. I said I was done being disrespected, I pulled my headphones out of my suitcase and listen to music all the way home. 

A couple of days later, when dad was at work, I hear crashing from her room. Being dumb, I was concerned that she had fallen or something. Half way upstairs, she opens and slams her closet door twice and stomps twice more. Now that I figured out that she was deliberately doing this, I whipped open her door and yelled WTF is going on. I see her hide behind her closet door in the mirror. I call H and tell him to call her and fix this. He calls back a few minutes later and says that Diva said she was cleaning out her closet. I called BS and he agreed. He says we will have a talk and see about sending Diva away for a few days. This talk never takes place. 

Friday I went to my Dad's house to discuss this situation with him and his girlfriend. The sympathize. I don't feel any better about the situation. I ask Dad's GF is my marriage is doomed. She says yes. She asks why I haven't moved in with them already.

On the drive home, it hits me. H is never going to do anything to change our lives. Diva will get want she wants, me gone. 

Just a side note, my middle child lived with us for about a year and H complained about a lot. I agreed and told my son to step it up. He didn't want to step up, get a job, help around the house. I kicked him out.