No. Your husband is being unreasonable. He obviusly can not juggle you and his daughter in his life. I honestly truly would dicuss a separation trial with your husband. You work 2 jobs so basically you can support yourself. I would separate myself from him and his daughter and they can have each other. Rememer it's not YOU personally she hates, it's the fact that it's not her mom and dad and she has alot of anger about being from a broken home. Your husband needs to realize that his darling little princess is going to ruin every woman that comes into his life, and when she is married and moved on and does not have time for her father..he will have no one and no one to blame but himself.
You love your husband, but you can either stay and be humiliated and disrespected by a man who said vows to you and by an 18 yr old brat that can't think about anyone other then herself, or you can separate for a while and focus on you. Maybe by separating for a while he will realize what he has lost and maybe some councilling will be good, maybe by the end of it all , a permanent separation is exactly what YOU want. Sit and think about it for a while. I feel Divorce should be a last resort, but sometimes separating for a while is good. I know couples who have and their marrige is awesome because of it and still is. i hope this may shed some light for you. Take care!

Purpleflower

I agree Separation will snap him back to reality. If your DH does not put her straight, no-one will. You dont deserve to be disrespected by her because she is spoiled brat.

Obviously your DH does not see the pain she is causing you, he needs a reality check. His little princess is off at college sponging him for money.
Let him sit home alone and wonder where his priorities should be.

Yea, this is a hard one.
Most men can only deal with having one woman in their lives, and his guilt parenting has named her that woman. I have many friends from broken homes and one thing I have noticed is that they react the way they have been trained to act. If Daddy Dearest is always apologizing or trying to make it up to her then shes going to feel entitled to that treatment.

I have a friend who has 4 kids. The oldest two are from another man. However they think its the coolest thing in the world to have two dads. Then I have a friend with one child. That child is a monster, and will play the parents off eachother at age 4, because of how the seperation has been explained to him (in words and actions).

This guy needs a wake up call. Its probably too late for him to teach his daughter anything as a father but soon he's going to be an example of another failed relationship, which she will use as a crutch to get more from him. CYA and step back from this situation. It doesn't sound like you'd be losing too much other then stress if you do need to leave this guy.

Best of luck.
T

Here's what I would do. I would understand that I came into this kids life at a very critical time of her life. Just when she was at the most insecure age her parents and indeed her whole life fell out from under her. Where and who to blame? It's irrelevent to a 15 yo child that you met Daddy after he and Mom split. You have two adult children so you should understand the problems of this girl.

I would understand that Dad is feeling extremely guilty about what was done to his kid. After all he was a part of it despite all the claims of others that a divorce is often better for the kids than staying in a bitter marriage. He's sees his blame in all this.

I'd let him work this out with his kid. If it takes a few bucks so be it. He's starting to come around and he must be somewhat reasonable or I wouldn't have married him. Eventually he'll see the light and quit catering to her. Meanwhile lets face some reality you may have a mortgage and all that but you're hardly on the street.

By the way it takes two to be insulted. A insultor and a insultee. Stop participating in the game. Have minimum communication with her and don't bother to listen to what others tell you about her. The only exception is if your husband needs your support when dealing with her. You can very effectively bar this kid from your life. If she calls take a missage or pass the phone on. If she visits go to a movie.

In time I'm pretty sure that once she realizes that you no longer care she will start to come around and see your side of things. She will of course mature meanwhile. And if she doesn't? Well you got along just fine for decades before she came along, spend the next decades wihout her and both of you will be happy.

Really a 180 turn around in your mind will solve this problem. She's not worth it.

You can't be upset with the SD - she is hurt by her broken home and has a right to her feelings. However, I would be EXTREMELY upset with DH. He is enabling her behavior and allowing you to be excluded from important events and being humiliated & harrassed. He needs to learn boundaries. He also needs to understand that if he stands up for you & your relationship that SD will not hate him. The two of you need to go to counseling - it has helped my BF & myself in the same aspect of what you are going through.

I read in dating with boundaries that if you are in this type of situation - not only should you stand your ground & set straight exactly what the issues are, but you need to have a consequence too. In my situation - which i think would work for you also is to say - you can continue on the path you are on & i will slowly be alienated in this relationship & leave or you can change your behavior in this situation and we can have a healthy, long lasting relationship.

I would first off open my own bank account and give him $ to pay half the bills until he shows he is not giving SD all your extra $.

Men take longer to accept another persons children. Us as Mom's tend to do it allot quicker because it's our nature.

SD will only go so long w/o her Daddy being around. He needs to stand up to her & say it's either the two of you or neither of you. You can't make her like you, but she has to realize that you are a part of her BD's life. The longer he enables her behavior - the worse it will be and then i am sure you will leave. Don't expect an apology - let it go. You are giving her power over your emotions.

You also need to tell DH that he is not teaching SD responsiblity if he is always helping her out. She needs to learn to grow up and be on her own.

I fully understand how you feel. I would give him 3 months to show he is getting better. If he isn't by then - i would seperate and go from there.

DC, hell would freeze over before I would work 2 jobs to support a 18 year old that treats me like crap.
I could be very upset with an 18 year old that treats me and her father like she does and what will the excuse be for this behavior when she is 30?

Her parents created a monster but when does she start receiving some of the blame for her behavior?

i'm sorry youre going through this, dc. i went through it too, with sd18. unfortunately, it takes some time for our dh's to "see the light"-that its possible to love their children, AND put boundaries on what they give them, AND ask for responsibility on the part of the kids. sounds like your dh sees room for only one woman in his life-that is heartbreaking because he will continue to be manipulated by this little girl for a long time, and you will have lost a loving relationship. my dh only saw it when sd18 started threatening our wedding...he saw that instead of her being happy for her dad for finding a good relationship, she was going down the "if i'm mad about the divorce, everyone's going to pay" road. (we met years after his divorce, btw). it woke him up, but boy did we have some bad years before that, where she was concerned. dh HAS to set his own boundaries on his own, but you can stand your ground, be strong, and take care of yourself.
*hugs*

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I haven't felt like much of a newlywed either because the stepchildren do things that stress me out yet my DH can blow them off as he's used to their antics. I hope things get better for you soon. Keep us posted on what you decide to do.

Me (41). DH (turns 54 late November). Married since May 2007. DS (9) from my 1st marriage where that husband is deceased. I have 6 grown stepchildren who do not live with us. 4 biological and 2 my DH helped raise with his 2nd wife.

I really, really feel for you. It is an awfull situation to be stuck in but one I am sure many of us are familiar with.

I faced a similar situation not too many years ago ago. My husband insisted the money we were paid from his ex's wages (which had to be arrested because she would not pay us voluntarily) in support for his youngest daughter (16) should go straight to her. Hell, she was out shopping for designer shoes and clubbing with her friends, while we struggled to clothe and feed our own two young children. I think that is partly why I grew to resent her so much. When I complained, I was told the money was rightly hers! ???

Well I stopped bursting a gut doing overtime and made sure our two kids had the same amount of money banked for them each month, regardless of how little we were left with. It took a couple of months, but it soon sunk in.