This post would be entirely to long if I described all that I have gone through with SD21. I'll try to make this short. Three years ago, when I started dating her dad, she hated me. I (with no help from SO) patched things up with her. She and her two younger siblings have since told me, repeatedly, how much closer they feel to their dad now. They all love being at my house. My doors are ALWAYS open to them. They don't live too far away, so it's not uncommon for them to pop in and out. All six of our kids got along great to begin with...but I've never felt I should be the disciplinarian to SO's kids. I gave them an ear, a shoulder to cry on...but things started to go downhill (rapidly) when we allowed SD(then)20 to move in last summer. One night, I went to bed while she and SO were still awake in the family room. I wasn't really sleepy, but she was having an attitude because she wanted to go to an amusement park the next day, and I had told her it sounded like a good idea, but I would check with her dad. Unfortunately, he tells me we had about $80 in our account, and that would have barely covered the gas expense, not to mention, we were still a week away from the next payday. I explained this to her, but she kept pressing that we go (she had friends that she told she would be there, and wanted to meet them there). So, while I was laying in bed, I was scrolling on my phone through FB and Twitter. She was on there talking about what a b**** I was being. IN MY HOME (where SO doesn't even pay the mortgage). I walked into the family room and told her that if she had something to say to me, she needed to talk to ME, not post it on social media. Within the next two days, she and her sisters were telling their dad I was "crazy" and trying to break us up. They almost succeeded. Fast forward to this summer, all was forgiven. The past year has been okay, but once again SD(now)21, can't get along with her mom and sisters, so she moves back in here. After flunking out of nursing school twice (which I footed the bill for her gas money to and from school, 60 miles away)and three underage drinking tickets in the past year (which she couldn't believe her daddy and I wouldn't help her with attorney fees and fines), and totaling her car (that SO paid for), sitting around her all summer not lifting a finger, or having a job, not to mention her filthy mouth in front of my BKs. SO works A LOT of hours, so he hasn't been witness to much. He wanted to kick her out on a couple of occasions, but I begged him not to because it would alienate her. I thought I could handle it all. However, she started talking ugly about her dad to me, and I stood up to her. Big mistake. But I was at my wit's end. She and her younger sister, 16, have since told their dad that he is dead to them. The youngest, 14, has told friends, that after her daddy takes her to the concert she's been wanting to go to, he will also be dead to her. There is so much more to this story, but bottom line, the stress that they have caused in this house, I do not want them here. I've had a happy home, happy, kind, respectful kids. I told SO to go back to his hometown and rent a place there and be a dad. I wouldn't ever want him to choose me over his kids. He said that is THEIR choice, not his, and if they can learn to be respectful, they can work on a relationship. My heart is hurting, though, but they are TOXIC to me and my children, and relationship with SO (actually FH). HOW do you guys disengage??? Without the guilt???