Hmmm Adult SD's and marriage very soon
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Going to married within a month and one adult SD still has access to "Daddy's" checking account. She has used his money as her own for years (to the tune of over $30,000 a year). I think it should stop NOW and he wants to help her in case it is credit card debt. She is married with a child and I don't understand wanting to help her with debt she shouldn't have since she's been spending money for "stuff" and racking up the plastic debt. I love him but don't want to contribute to he spending habits. Help!!!
Good luck with this problem!
Good luck with this problem! My DH finds it almost impossible to say "NO" to his 2 adult skids. Although he doesn't let them use his plastic, he has certainly racked up debt on them to bail them out of one problem after another. We've only been married a year and a half and I wish I had made him sit down and discuss it in detail before the wedding. It's been a big problem ever since.
I seem to share the attitude with most on this site that people that age should be totally self-sufficient.
He did agree to go to a counciler with me a few months ago and we agreed that the limit per month for both of his kids would be $200 to help out. They don't know this and it hasn't really started... His son 34 is living with us for a few more weeks but is moving out on Oct 1.
But I don't think he'll be able to stick to it. If not, that's when we're going to have our first BIG argument.
Thank you... I have decided
Thank you... I have decided I am NOT going to put my income into a joint account until SD is off account. Why do people spoil their adult children so miserably with money? Love, affection, time...yes but why do father's feel they must provide for these "children" who are in their 30's is just beyond me? !
I know I'm going to be the stepwitch (or worse) before this one if over. She said to a mutual acquaintance that she thinks I'm marrying her dad for his money (not a lot there believe me thanks to her) and she will continue to do his Christmas shopping...etc... She treats me fine when he is around and not bad when he isn't but I think it is time for her to grow up, get a job. How many people here see adult children taking care of the parent when the time comes... no matter how good the parent was in the past... just doesn't happen very often and wouldn't here either.
What a shame these "children"
What a shame these "children" have grown up to believe that Daddy will provide forever. Then when Daddy and the inheritance is gone they'll be completely unable to function financially in the world.
Many parents have forgotten their duty towards children and that is to make them independent whether they like it or not.
What I did was simply not co-mingle funds. Although my wife has signature authority on my checking account she does not on savings or other assets. If she wants to give her kids money she does it out of her own income and doesn't even have to ask me for that reason.
Update: Soon to be husband
Update: Soon to be husband has closed his daughter's access to his account. He is still going to give her 4 or 5 hundred a month because she "must have some problems with money" I would say that is true to the tune of $70,000 from his account in 2 years. She denies this even though bank statements make it obvious to her dad and me.
He takes her shopping periodically for groceries and gifts (at least $800 here)
How can I convince him that letting her fail on her own would be the best for her. She in in her 30's and has a husband who works and she at least did find a part time job in the last month. Why can't fathers of adult daughters let them go?
Thanks for the comments. It
Thanks for the comments. It realyl does help to get others perspectives. And Stepaside.. I had to laugh cause it makes me want to vomit, too. Daddy this and daddy that when you are in your 30's asking and "poor mouthing" you need this and can't afford that. so you get refrigerators, dishwashers, 46" tv's expensive candles, blu ray players and movies... on and on cuz ou are daddy's little girl... yikes. And he is such a good man. Too good to be manipulated. And good for YOU for finding your own way and not expecting anything. My gawd...where did some peoples self respect go? I know he spoiled his "children" and it is partly his own fault. But he actually said he was afraid the money problems would change their relationship... I would hope so! But in a good way. I am surprised and will not be mingling money with his till daughter is shut off of $300 or $400 a month. Geez, his other kids and certainly mine wouldn't expect it (or like it if they knew the extent).