When I married my husband 23 years ago, my SD was 5 years old. At that time, she still lived with her BM and her husband. My husband is in the military. We lived 2000 miles away from SD and she would visit during the summer. When she was 8 her BM told us to keep her at the end of that summer that she didn't want her back. She had another daughter during the summer with that husband. To jump ahead... BM is currently on husband number 8. SD lived with us until 5 years ago at age 24 got married. At no time did her mother or any of her mothers family ever call her or send her gifts on special occassions. The only time SD saw her mother was when we were in their hometown, we made a point of calling SD grandparents to see if they wanted to see her or if her mother was around. Her mother was allowed visitation, phone call etc. We at no time prevented her from contacting SD. It was her choice. We always invited mom and her family to graduations, wedding etc but they didn't come. Most people did not know SD was not my bio daughter. I thought we had a good relationship all of those years. We never argued or seemed to have any problems. However, over the years my Husband and I both noticed a few quirks with her behavior. She lied frequently about small things. Such as putting something in the trash, washing her hair, doing homework. We never really put much stock into this behavior. When she was 15 years old, my husband and I had our fist bio child together. I started noticing more worrisome behavior. When our son was born he was born early with complications. He spent the first year of his life in the hospital. She never asked about him nor did she ever ask to see him. We also found out about this time her BM had 2 more children, total of 3 with different fathers. One day, I was throwing out trash and I saw something shiney in the trash bag and found a lot of real gold jewelry that she had just dumped into the trash. I asked her if she put in by mistake. She told me no. She didn't want it anymore. I asked her why she would throw away expensive jewely and not give it away. She shrugged her shoulder and said it was hers to do with what she wanted to do and she didn't want anyone to have it. Ok red flag, I know. I am jumping ahead a few years. When she was 21 we received orders to move over seas. She had the option of staying in school, moving in with family or friends or coming with us. She choose to come with us. By this time, our son is 6 years old. He had begun to act out with agressive behavior. At the time, a few family members on my side had stated that SD may be mistreating him. We quickly discounted that statement (much to soon) because we just could not see that in her. Come to find out later that she had been locking him out of the house while we were at work and yelling at him. When we moved overseas I didn't work so I was home and the behavior stopped. SDs behavior worsened. SD did not date in HS nor did she have many friends for long periods of time. When we got to the base she got her first job. We had to share a car. She had to drive to work and school. She let it be known that she resented sharing a car. I would like to point out that she worked and NEVER paid for anything. We paid for college, car insurance, clothing etc. She quickly met a 25 year old guy at work that she started "dating". Dating consisted of getting off work at midnight going over to his house to drink. He could not drive because he had a DUI. We did not like her out that late because the drive back to the base was 20 miles of wilderness with bears, moose and not to mention human predators. I met the boyfriend 1 time in passing. He dumped her and somehow it was my fault. A few weeks later she met another 27 year old that was active duty. From the first day I met him he was disrespectul and rude to me and our son. Of course, he was the opposite with my husband. I told my husband that he was hateful to me. He called me the wicked stepmonster the second time I ever saw him. I went out of my way to be nice to him. He was always asking about SDs BM. He flat out told me that I didn't count. After a 2 month courtship they got married. We had orders to move to another overseas location the week after they married. After they got engaged she began major lying to us. She told us she had completed her last class and would graduate college the week before her wedding. She actually failed class because she spent that time with boyfriend. That was 30k out of our pocket for her education. She would say she was going to work. Work would call and say she didn't show up. She and boyfriend rented an apartment and bought a car together that they hid at the apartment (I would love to have known so I could have had my car back). The wedding was dumped on me. I tried to involve her and was always too busy. She blew off apointments with caterers, photographers etc. So when it came down to wedding my husband,son and I did all he food prep and decorating. By the way, No Thanks ever came. In fact, a week before the wedding SD and boyfriend decided that we should fly all of us to his parents in florida and have a wedding on the beach. When I said no she threw a fit saying that she knew for a fact we had just enough in saving to pay what was my problem. I told her she was being ungrateful and yes I did say she was marrying an asshole. I did not go into detail but in the course of their 2 month dating he not only cussed to me he told me I was trailer trash. I have a graduate degree this is a punk who entered the military at 25 because he could not hold a job. Jump ahead a year. We saw them one time during that year. SD had a little guy 7 months after the wedding, so we went to see them. They were rude to us and made it clear that we were not welcomed. During this visit, my mom was in a bad accident and I had to rush home to care for her. She died 2 months later. We recieved new orders to another overseas base. So I had to bury my mom and move. A few months later, my sister was working on will and estate and was emailing me about the finances. My mother has stipulated that our son would be sole heir if something happened to me or my sister. Mom never really liked SD and always told me that SD hated me. Come to find out that SD was reading my yahoo emails. She knew my password. We are in Europe and I open an email from her calling me a F"ing" B#*& and that she hated me and wish me death. She sent an email to her dad telling him to choose. She went on to say that while he was deployed at various times I beat her, told her that the bible told him to love me more than her, that I was always playing games and trying to make her look like a bad person, that I blamed her for anything getting damaged in the house. ( by the way during one deployment she took husband new car for ride and wrecked it while I was at work). For the past four years, I have tried to salvage some kind of relationship with SD. During this time, son in law got out of Army and they are currently living with his parents. She is 29 now and he is 34 and they have 2 small children. SD's BM and her 8th husband are now in the picture. BM claims that I kept her away while SD was growing up. SD, son in law and BM write ugly lies about me on FB all the time. A few months ago, we came back to the states and we actually live within driving distance of them now. She has since had another child. My husband has been asking to come see them and the baby. SD always has an excuse. We have been back 6 months. She has never called or emailed us.If my husband called her she would talk for about 5 minutes and if he emailed her she would answer with 2- 3 words. Her brother who is 15 emailed and asked her to call him that he would like to hear from her. She emailed back saying that her in laws do not have long distance and she wasn't allowed to use the phone and she couldn't use the computer very often. Finally, she gave my husband a date to come see the baby. She sent him a message the day before that we couldn't come because she had something else to do. (Later found out her in laws decided to have a cook out). I made the one and only phone call to her in 4 years (it eas 4 years ago that my mom died and we moved and he sent me the first hateful email )that week. I told her that she as hurting her father and brother and that they really wanted to see her.She said it was a misunderstanding. I got off the phone feeling we made headway. Not so. The next day, son in law and BM made a big joke about the strange phone call from the evil stepmonster. I have left out a lot of details. But I will say for the past 4 years I have tried to make piece for my husband and son. I have had health problems over this situation. I have trouble sleeping and I feel a big whole in my heart. I can't believe she hates me like this. I never would have believed it. But this was the last straw. I talked to my husband and we agreed for me to defriend her on FB at the time so I would not see the posts about me. When I did this son in law and BM went to town on FB. Calling it a present that keeps on giving that the evil B**(* is out of the picture and now they know why my husband and son haven't been to see them. My husband called SD and told her that they need to talk and stop blaming me for everything. Son in Law got on the phone and told my husband to F.O.
I would also like to add I know alot of people use this language when speaking but we don't. My SD was raised in the Baptist Church and her husband is an athiest. We did recieve an invitation to SGD 1st birthday. We did not go because my husband was deployed. We also sent Christmas gifts with no response. She didn't send her brother or father anything for their bdays or Christmas which is not unusual. This past Easter, we sent her kids a present and I sent an email to her letting her know it was coming to please let us know if she gets it. She sent an email to dad thanking him and then sent one to me calling me an F'ing B again and telling me I had no right to tell her to let us know they got the gift. Last straw, I emailed her and told her Not to EVER contact me again I was done. My husband and son are very supportive of me. They know I never mistreated her. But it is not just me she has mistreated. She has been mean to all of us. I am still having major problems dealing with the hurt. I just can't believe how hateful she is. She has also started contacting his family and telling them that I have come between her and her father and brother and is trying to turn them against me. My husband has not had verbal contact with her in 6 months and has no intentions of contacting her. I am having more problems dealing with this than he is. At no time have I ever told my husband to choose. He and my son know that I did not have a problem with them seeing her or the grandkids. That is the biggest thing that hurts me is know that my husband and son do not see the grandkids. I know it hurts them and I wish could fix it but I can't.