happy with where i am now
before you all start telling me to leave the s o b, i want to say i have my reasons for staying put right now. i have a busines that is taking a very long time to restructure and a divorce would be inconvenient for me at this time.
dh is out of town visiting with adult sd and her husband. dh adores sd beyond reasons and the feeling is mutual and its elektra complex on steroids. dh also has huge man crush on sil. sil is young handsome and tall, something that dh never was even when he was young.
after two weeks in the presence of two such perfect beings, dh must now return to living me. he had become demanding about things in life and is about to have a mid life crisis. he has an adult parent, thanks to the parents laziness and poor life choices, that he is helping to support. dh knows he himself is aging and skids are growing up and moving away.
id go to far to stay dh wants to leave me and move clear across country to be close to sd and sil. when hes around them he is like a lovesick giddy lover.
i am happy to say i have a tactic to use when dh gets this way. i tell him to just move out and live with his daughter. if he calls me on my bluff i will simply call my attorney and deal with it. sick of being last on his list.
anyway just happying being myself and being able to now know life without dh is not impossible.
yes, i am happy on my own
yes, i am happy on my own path. if dh wants to leave he is welcome to do so. right now dh has totally put out any fire of affection i ever felt for him by his obsession with his children.
Sugarspice, sometimes I get a
Sugarspice, sometimes I get a little self-righteous and suggest that an emotionally beat-up SM leave as I have on other responses to posts. Very simplistic - I DO appreciate you kicking me off of my soap box and guiding me back to reality. LOL
You have reached a fork in the road - are you going to have to witness DH's hero-worship of SD and SIL for the rest of your life? Or is he finally going to see himself in a more truthful light? Or are you going to finally get so disgusted that you make the break?
You are very wise to consider how a sudden break would affect your finances. Possibly a disengagement from your DH is necessary now. If he brings up SD or SIL just say, "Hmm" and change the subject or leave the room. Focus on what makes you happy and prosperous. Do something special for yourself.
Your last sentence says it all, and I've been in the same spot where I knew I could lead a good life with or without DH in my life. DH saw this and decided to work on the marriage. Do you think your DH sees this too?
sandye21! i am just happy
sandye21! i am just happy where i am and happy knowing i am not influenced by my husbands comments and opinions.
the skids are mental wrecks created by their mother. bm left dh for a married lover when the skids were in nappies. dm was a homewrecker. (In the end the karma train ran over bm when her second husband found another woman.) bm had sole custody and made dh dance like a puppet until the skids turned 18 and then some. bm and dh allowed their heads to get so inflated they think the world should fall at their feet.
sil might actually leave sd in time when he really starts seeing what a moral mess she is. sd is loud, self absorbed, mean and selfish.
i think we all create the fate we deserve.i think it would be satisfying to have him served divorce papers, but that would be unwise for me right now. i have no idea if dh wouild want to work on the marriage as i think he had some serious mental problems stemming from his selfish and stupid parents in addition to his being too stuck on his children.
yeah Sugar, finally you can
yeah Sugar, finally you can walk your own way..... it feels great doesn't it...
I'm the same.... I walk my path, you walk your path, if you are in a relationship then we mid in the middle of the 2 paths and we go the same direction.... years ago I was stupid enough to leave my path and join SO on his... what an idiot I was.... with all the step life crap I simply went back to my path... SO had major issues about it and I simply said... here my path... there your path... meet me in the middle or we just keep on each to their own...
We are in the middle now... SO still tries and pull me to his path but I refuse... I'm much happier
^^^^^^Yep^^^^^^THIS^^^^^^
^^^^^^Yep^^^^^^THIS^^^^^^
Good for you. Live well and
Good for you. Live well and be happy. Let DH wallow in the stench of his shallow and polluted gene pool.
SugarSpice: DH & I are
SugarSpice: DH & I are basically disengaged, because he does not have a clue. I've been married 37 years, put up with SD56's disrespect, DH defending her, and the whole nine yards. I've discussed it at length with DH and he thinks I'm imagining it all, concerning SD; so I don't mention any of it and have not for years.
Seven years ago I began totally disengaging from SD; and I did not want to divorce. I also have my reasons for staying in my marriage. It is possible to stay in your marriage and disengage from your DH. I took the high road and made a life for myself.
My DH is missing out on the best years of our retirement life, because he is so, so emotionally attached to his daughter; she lives 4 hours away, which makes it easier for me; but he actually spends most of his time in a state of depression. When she does come to see him, he acts like a teenager in love. Their relationship does not bother me in the least; but it took years for me to get myself on the right track.
I learned to live in the moment and enjoy my life. My DH is disabled and I take very good care of him, but I also know he doesn't appreciate what I do for him. I have accepted all of the negative vibes my DH and SD give me and decided I am in control of my life, not DH nor SD. I could not tell you what their conversations are or what goes on in SD's life. The key to all of my positive air; I DO NOT care about what they do, say, or think. I've also told them I don't care and to leave me to my life. DH is welcome to join me and enjoy; I am willing to do anything for him; his loss if he sits around and sulks.
Life isn't always fair, but I have learned to open all the positive doors and enjoy. I relate to what you are saying, when you stay and endure. It's workable, and it benefits me and DH.
With that said; yes, I fall of the wagon occasionally and feel sorry for myself and consider booting DH to SD's; I even did that once. But I want my life and what they do with theirs is their choices, not my baggage.
Good Luck and stay here with us.
thank you, sammigirl. i have
thank you, sammigirl. i have learned to treat myself well. i have no expectations now so my feelings dont get hurt. i know well the lovesick teenager look on the face of dh.
for the first time in twenty
for the first time in twenty years i can say i am free to leave. if dh sent me papers tomorrow i would just contact my lawyer and start the process. dh just spent two week visiting with sd and sil and now he comes home and hes sulking. i know about the state of depression. he comes home from his vacation and already into finding fault with my cooking, house keeping etc. hes clearly not happy with himself in the way he attacks me on the emotional level. his biggest mistake was to marry his high school sweet heart and have children with her. she turned out to be a tramp after ten years and left with another man while dh was overseas in the military. dh is punishing me for something she did to him more than twenty years ago.
i have finally seen the dynamic. all i can do is step back and watch the bad choices of his entire family come to pass. drug addiction, unhealthy life styles, other bad choices, emotional drama.
i can understand the "teenager in love" attitude. its really quite sick when you think about it. imo dh thinks one of his daughters is the ideal woman and puts sil on a pedestal. when sd is over dh is gushing with love words and sweet names. he never says those things to me. its nausea inducing.
again i have made the choice to stay. for the meantime anyway. i no longer look to dh for anything in my life. i concentrate on myself.
It all comes down to having
It all comes down to having clarity, doesn't it? You sound done and detached.
There are fifty ways to leave your lover, as the song goes, and being a planner myself I like that you're looking at the realities of ending your marriage. Getting your ducks in a row is smart! Do you have an ETA for D day?
it all depends on my business
it all depends on my business and how it comes along. i may stay with him. my outlook is the most important thing now. as you say, clarity is enlightening.
yes, i do feel 100 percent better than i did years ago. knowledge is power.