Had a really hard time this Christmas
Well I totally screwed up my Christmas this year and yes I am the only one to blame. I was already down in the dumps because my son couldn't come home for Christmas and being separated from DH didn't help either. All day on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day I had this gut winching heavy hearted feeling. Didn't know know what it was about but couldn't shake it no matter what I tried. Come Tuesday night I broke and couldn't stop crying. Cried all day yesterday too. I ended up locking myself at home, didn't go anywhere, didn't even go see my daughter and g'babies. I couldn't let them see me how I was, I was a mess. And I was feeling very sorry for myself...I am very ashamed. This morning I found out why I felt the way I did, SS had his baby Christmas Eve. I think I was sad because I so wished that we could have had a normal relationship where we could have been celebrating the birth together. Technically, this is my grandson too as we are still married.
Talking to my girlfriend this morning, she really let me have it. She said you ruined your Christmas because of that fool all the while he was having a great one. She was so right! She also told me to feel sorry for the new little one as he will be the next generation in the mix of messed up people.
Don't know your back story
Don't know your back story but *hugs*.
If this is truly your fault torturing yourself about it will not do any good. The only thing you can do is learn from your mistakes and never repeat them.
I hope next Christmas is better for you.
Well, your friend obviously
Well, your friend obviously has NO idea what it's like to be a SM with shitty SKs! You're mourning the "death" of your family. Would she say that you did this to yourself if you were mourning the physical death of someone? Mourning an idea can be just as painful, in a different way, than a person because there still remains hope. Time WILL heal this wound, if YOU take control of your life and actively disengage. I don't remember your background story either but don't beat yourself up and don't turn to that friend again for support through this. She obviously cannot give nor understand the compassion you need right now as you work through this. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
"Mourning an idea ..." What
"Mourning an idea ..."
What an insightful statement, and so true. I think most of us on these boards are here because we had an idea, a hope, that our lives with skids would be better or different than they are.
So yes, mourning is exactly what it is. And it is painful.
Mourning the death is the
Mourning the death is the best way to describe how I am feeling.
Although my friend might have been harsh with me, I am not upset with her at all. I needed the swift kick in the ***! She was right. I had a family wanting to spend time with me. I had friends wanting to spend time with me. I chose to give in to my sadness. He and his evil demons didn't deserve an ounce of my energy.
Something else dawned on me last night that was so profound. Even if I was still living with DH and the new g'baby was born on Christmas Eve, I wouldn't have been able to join in the celebration. SS lives in another state (not for long though he's planning on moving in with DH after the baby was born). DH would have left me at home during the holidays and would have spent it with SS and BM. I would have really been unhappy then.
Technically I don't think
Technically I don't think there is such a thing as a step-grandson especially if you're going to be divorced from the grandfather. Lacking something holding you back I think you should try and move to be near your daughter so you can be a part of a family that gives a damn.
"especially if you're going
"especially if you're going to be divorced from the grandfather"
Neither him or I have filed nor discussed divorce. I just recently moved out because I couldn't take anymore with the Skids and DH's live-in friend. Now the ball is basically in his court.
"Technically I don't think there is such a thing as a step-grandson"
If there is no such thing as step-grandson then wouldn't that be the same as saying there is no such thing as step-kids? If that is the case then why is there steptalk.org?
DH got to spend over 2 years loving and accepting my 3 g'babies as his own g'babies and still gets to enjoy them to this day. Why is it wrong for me to dreamily wish that I could have done the same with his g'baby?
"I think you should try and move to be near your daughter"
My daughter lives less that 10 minutes from me already and I do spend lots of time with her and my g'babies.
"Lacking something holding you back"
Yea trying to get over my love for another.
Hugs. I feel your pain. I
Hugs. I feel your pain. I have a step grandbaby due in January that I will not be a part of due to disengagement from my SD19. I know your pain because I once loved SD19 like she was my own. I actually mourned the loss of her when the disengagement started.
Anyways your friend doesn't know what she is talking about, sorry but she is being cold to you. You have a right to cry that out. Especially with it being on Christmas.
HUGS!
I had a friend (now passed
I had a friend (now passed away) who loved Christmas, and her ex dropped the bombshell right around the holidays. From Day One - she refused to allow him to take the holiday away from her. Or allow it to be ruined. Run with it! MAKE it YOURS!
It's actually a healthy thing
It's actually a healthy thing to do...to actually grieve when you experience any type of loss...So many times we are expected to "forgive" right away and many of us have not properly gone through the process of respecting ourselves enough to grieve our losses...That is when we start stuffing issues until they add up to relentless anger that builds over time...there is no path to healing from rejection and pain without kicking out squatters from owning any real estate in our minds...because we still cling to that wound or hurt like a cancer...you can see it in their countenance...saying the words is one thing...but processing the pain and loss or issue is extremely important to truly getting free....My H asked me one time "Well How long is this going to take? this grieving process....I told him....it took 25 years to accumulate....it will take as long as I need it to take....Respect yourself, and don't let anyone treat you less than what God intended for you to be....